A Brave Man Never Surrenders (will be deleting December 24)
by missalohahula
Summary: Forgive me, this story hasn't been touched since January of last year. And it will be going on two years that I haven't had any ideas for this. I don't know how to finish it or where to go from this point in the story. Story set for deletion - December 24, 2017.
1. Chapter 1

**This is just something that came to my mind last night when my boyfriend was assisting me in making covers/banners for my stories. I thought I do a rehash of Differentiate. It's going to be a lot shorter than Differentiate.**

 **For those of you who have been reading Differentiate/Eradicate, I wanted to see how things would be if Ana didn't transfer to Dauntless. This is still an Ana/Eric (OC/Eric) pairing and I hope that you all like it. There are some changes. First one is that Ana and Eric are the same age. She still has her brothers, two of which have transferred to Erudite (just like in Differentiate). I will explain details as we go on or hopefully incorporate them into my story.**

 **I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

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My head laid on his chest as my hand slowly ran across his abs, running along the contours and defined muscles of his body. He released a sigh and his arm that was wrapped around my waist pulled onto my body tighter. It was morning I knew that much as I looked about the room. My eyes traveled up to his sleeping face noticing just how much he did get older. No doubt the stress and anxiety had weighed upon this young leader and left him exhausted.

There was an eerie calm that set in the room and I heard noises down the hallway. It would be time soon and I should wake him. But I couldn't pull myself to do so. I knew that once I did wake him up, he would leave me and then I would definitely be alone. I wanted to hang on to him just a minute longer.

I snuggled back into his warmth pressing my lips to his body as he turned, wrapping his other arm around me. Please don't leave me, I thought. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that he should stay, that things would be different, that things would have been easier if he only stays. But I knew that I would be lying to myself. Things would always have been this way. Things would have ended exactly like this. And it was all because I had cut my hand and dripped my blood into another bowl.

How do these stories begin? Oh yes. Once upon a time, I believe is how my mother would start them. So let me tell you mine. I will start with the day that I met this man who has me encased in his arms.

Once upon a time there was a sassy fourteen year old Amity girl named JoyAnna. I wasn't like most of the Amity girls. In fact today, like any other day, I kept behind the group that was walking to school. Gabriel was the high school's counselor and often would walk us to school if the horse-drawn wagons were needed in the fields. There had been an accident this morning in the cabbage field which meant that today we would be walking to school.

It was a lengthy distance to walk but of course the group would always remain positive and no one's spirits were dampened by the exercise. I glanced about just as my brother, Jensen had left my side. He was still attending the City's middle school. My other brother Jordan had his choosing ceremony a couple weeks ago. He had gone to Erudite the same as my oldest brother Jonathan, so I had been left without their company.

I held onto my bag and looked about the school grounds as the entryway became crowded with other students ready to be let in. How I dreaded school these days. I let out a sigh as I heard a soft chuckle behind me. I turned around to see an Erudite boy standing before me. He was dressed like any other, possibly a bit taller than the rest. He had on glasses, like most of them did and stood with perfect posture.

"Amity are supposed to be pleasant. Did someone forget their daily dosage of peace serum," he asked.

This was the first time I had ever spoke to anyone who wasn't from Amity, aside from my brothers who had defected. I had not known how to respond and briefly looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Unfortunately for me, this Erudite boy had a couple followers alongside him. One of the boys had been jotting something down in his journal, no doubt assessing my behavior. Everything to them was about assessing or should I say obsessing. The other boy just looked past me, eager to arrive to class and learn about something they probably already knew.

"Did you hear me," the first Erudite boy questioned.

"Perhaps," the second boy took a step forward. "She does not quite understand. Did you use large vocabulary beyond her reach?"

I wanted to be insulted and opened my mouth to reply. However, the first Erudite boy just brushed past me, causing my bag to slip from my hand. "Maybe she overdosed in peace serum this morning," he chuckled as they kept walking in front. "Or maybe she rolled around pig feces and it is clouding her mental faculties."

I took a step forward as if to say something, only to get pulled back by Serenity Fields, one of the more cheerful girls in Amity. She linked our arms together as I sighed in annoyance. We were not best friends or anything remotely close. I did not have friends in Amity. As I said earlier, I am not like most of the Amity girls.

"Peaceful relations, JoyAnna," Serenity reminded me as I let out a small groan of defeat. She tugged on my arm and I stood up straighter and put on a small smile for her. Serenity smiled back and I listened to her and the other girls chat about the beautiful sunrise this morning.

They had dragged me to class, humming or giggling about something unimportant. We had taken our usual seats in the back of the classroom across the Dauntless. Usually the Erudite sat up front with the Candor close by, ready to object or debate something that was being taught. The Abnegation mostly in the middle or sometimes took to sitting off to the side, giving up their seats for students who were late.

Miss Matthews walked in and started to discuss the papers that we had handed in. Miss Matthews had currently become the leader of Erudite. This would have been her last year as teacher at the City school and no doubt some other Erudite would take her place. When she handed my paper to me, I happened to glance up and notice the smile that played upon her lips.

"Well done, Miss Summers," Miss Matthews said and then continued to hand back the reports.

I turned my paper over to see that I had gotten another excellent grade. A few of the Amity girls leaned forward to look. Some of them stared at me in shock. One of the girls made a comment that soon I would be joining my brothers in Erudite as well. It caught the attention of a Dauntless boy on the side that grabbed my paper and looked it over.

"Seems like this one is the wrong faction," he elbowed his friend next to him. They had started to laugh.

I took the paper back and stuffed it in my bag. I was already treated differently in Amity. I didn't want to be labelled so soon as someone who didn't belong. Miss Matthews continued with the lesson for the day. I didn't want to pay attention today. I didn't want to be singled out any more than I already had been. Miss Matthews had called on a boy from Erudite to answer a question. When the boy stood, I noticed that it was the same boy from this morning.

"Miss Summers." I looked up quickly to see that Miss Matthews had called on me. "Perhaps you can explain to Mr. Eric Coulter the five levels of need as determined by Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs?"

"I don't know the answer," I said.

Miss Matthews lifted an eyebrow and then came to stand where she could get a better view of me, I suppose. "I believe you do Miss Summers. Please tell Mr. Coulter here the five levels of need."

I glanced over at the boy to see his eyes narrow at me. I slowly stood up, playing with the sleeve of my sweater, tugging at it. Miss Summers cleared her throat and put a hand up motioning towards the boy.

"What are the terms," Miss Matthews questioned.

"Maslow used the terms psychological, safety, belonging or love, esteem, and self-actualization," I answered. Some of the Dauntless started to laugh as well as a few Candors. They had begun to tease the Erudite boy and he looked at me harshly.

"Silence class," Miss Mathews said. "Thank you Miss Summers." I slowly went to sit back in my chair as did the Erudite boy.

I did not notice it until this day but the boy who Miss Matthews called Eric Coulter was in every single one of my classes, even the farming and agricultural class. Each time I dared to look at him he would be glancing my way with a scowl present on his face. I would try to hide behind my books or even tried to avoid him during lunch. No matter where I had situated myself he was always in a spot where his eyes would stare me down.

After class had finished I hurried out to walk back to Amity. I wanted to get home. That wasn't the first time that I was graded high on a paper. It started happening last year. My eldest brother Jonathan had been giving me books ever since the first time we went to visit him during visiting day. Since then I had been noticing more things at school, memorizing more facts and details, recognizing certain procedures and methods. It was bad enough that I wasn't always happy and didn't have friends. Gabriel had arrived at our house later that evening after my father had come in from the fields.

I sat down on the stairs with Jensen next to me as Gabriel spoke to my parents about my test scores increasing and about today's incident in class. When Gabriel had left, my father called me out to the back porch where his favorite chair was. I walked there shyly looking at the ground.

"Come here, Songbird," he opened his arms. Even though I was fourteen, my father still pulled me into his lap and started to hum the melody that would make me less frightened when I was a child. "Gabriel said that you are receiving excellent grades in school."

"I don't mean to," I spoke, sitting up and on the verge of tears.

"I know you don't. As hard as you try there is that quality in you that both Jonathan and Jordan possessed."

"I don't want to leave," I cried.

"Songbird, no one is making you leave. It has been brought to their attention though that you do have the capacity to become an Erudite in the future."

"Please Papa, don't make me go there. I don't want to be different anymore," my teeth bit at my bottom lip to stop from trembling.

"Then you won't be," he kissed my forehead. "You can always have a home with your mother and me. Always," he pulled my head to rest on his shoulder.

My parents had never pressured me to be happy all the time. Well at least my father didn't. Sometimes you could see the disappointment in my mother's eyes. She did not take to the idea that her only daughter did not enjoy cooking or baking. Even though I did like to sing, I didn't like to dance as often, braid my hair, or admire the rain. It was nice to look at the first minute or so, but really? It was just water that fell from the sky.

The next morning I had another encounter with the Erudite boy, Eric. I had seen him in the hallway walking after another Erudite girl with brunette hair. She didn't seem to care about whatever it was he was saying to her. She simply kept walking. I thought that was rude. Eric's eyes glanced over at me and I quickly looked down. I didn't think I had said it out loud.

"No, you're right," he said. "She is rude. I guess you're right about everything aren't you?"

"I didn't mean to..."

"Whatever. Just stay out of my way, Amity."

At the end of the week I had seen him again receiving a stern speech from Miss Matthews. I tried to pass by quickly and walk straight into class. Miss Matthews noticed me though. Who wouldn't notice anyone from Amity? We always used red, yellow, and orange, sometimes brown or green. But those colors always stood out. She had asked me to head a research team for a class project.

The project was on the factionless. Miss Matthews informed me that Eric was doing the subject of factionless rights and felt that he was ill qualified. She knew that I was brilliant and responsible enough to lead the project and wanted me to take over. I saw Eric shake his head and turn away.

"Forgive me, Miss Matthews but I must decline," I stated. Eric looked over at me.

"May I ask why, Miss Summers," Miss Matthews placed her hands one over the other in the front of her.

"I do not feel that I am responsible enough to lead. As Amity has no leader, I do not know what 'leading' would cover. I do not want anyone to fail on my account. And if it means anything," I turned to Eric, but kept my head down when I noticed his gaze looked cruelly at me. "The students as is already look up to him to get the job done. I've heard that many, not just the Erudite students, feel that he is intelligent and reliable. It would cause dissention in the group if I were to take over. And being from Amity, I do not work well where there is a disturbance of the peace."

"Well answered, Miss Summers. There you are Mr. Coulter, it seems that one of your classmates already entrust you with authority," she said before entering the classroom. I followed quickly to avoid another conversation with Eric.

The days had gone by at school without another incident at school. I tried to keep my head down in class or hide myself among the other Amity girls. I still believed that their speech was pointless. After a couple weeks, I had finally discovered that my presence had gone back to unnoticed by the curious Eric Coulter from Erudite. This brought me joy because I was finally able to relieve myself from the giggling company of Serenity and the other Amity girls.

It was the first day that I broke away from their posse that I ran into Eric again. I had escaped to the library to find a continuing book of the series that my brother had introduced me to. The librarian did not need to tell me where to go since I already could understand how the system worked. As soon as I found it, I couldn't help but smile. I had been dying to find out what had happened to the main character and made my way towards a table. Right as I rounded the corner a tall figure in blue caused the book to slip out of my hand.

"Well if it isn't the Amity," he smiled. He glanced down and saw the book had fallen. I don't know why he did so but he leaned down to pick it up and handed it to me. "Here you are." I slowly reached out to take it and was about to walk away when his hand shot out. "My name is Eric Coulter."

"I know," I said softly which caused him to raise an eyebrow.

"It seems that you know a lot of things don't you, Miss..."

"Summers," I answered. "My name is JoyAnna Summers."

Eric pressed his lips and titled his head. "Summers? As in Jonathan Summers?"

"That is my oldest brother. Well," I looked away remembering our City's rule. "He _was_ my oldest brother. Faction before blood," I shrugged.

"Right," Eric smiled.

I couldn't help but look, like actually look at him as he did. I realized that this time around he did not have the glasses on. I was able to look directly into his light blue eyes. I detected a hint of grey, almost like a storm cloud was present in the sky. That's what it was. His eyes were like the sky full of clouds. I smiled at my thought and looked back down.

"You should do that more often," he stated as I looked back at him confused. "Smile I mean. Amity are supposed to smile and you have a beautiful smile."

"Thanks," I said looking away.

"Anytime," he stated as he walked past me. "JoyAnna," he called out. I turned to see him smile. "Thank you for the other day. I was feeling down and although I don't know why you said it but your words to Miss Matthews made me feel better."

"You're welcome," I smiled.

"That's a good book by the way," he nodded towards my hand. I smiled again looking at the book. "Let me know when you get to book four in the series. Things really get exciting from there."

"I will."

"Bye JoyAnna."

"Goodbye Eric," I waved as he smiled one more time before exiting the library.

That night I found myself devouring page after page of book three in hopes of reaching book four. I really wanted something to speak to Eric about in the days to come. Little did I know that we would have so much to talk about for the next ten years.

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 **How did you all like that? Tell me what you all think. I'm just trying this and seeing where it will go.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, followed and enjoyed the story. Again, just to clarify Eric and JoyAnna are both fourteen years old. In Differentiate, I had JoyAnna (or Ana) have an aptitude for Erudite and Dauntless. So I decided to stick with that in this story.**

 **Someone sent me a message asking what the book series is that I am having JoyAnna and Eric read. As of right now, I'm not too sure. There are just so much book series (i.e. Percy Jackson, Mortal Instruments, Harry Potter, and Chronicles of Narnia). The only thing that I can think of that might be applicable is A Song of Fire and Ice otherwise known as Game of Thrones. I'm not too sure yet, but let me know your thoughts.**

 **I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

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Discreetly I closed the book, smoothing it over and placing it in my book bag. Well, maybe I did not do it as discreetly as I made it out to be. I had done it with the intentions of getting someone's attention. I put the bag over my shoulder once the alarm had signaled the end of school for the day. I noticed that the Amity were hurrying towards the spot where Henry would pick the children up. I glanced over my shoulder and let out a small smile.

"I assume that you finished book four," Eric called as he walked over to me.

It had been a week since I finished book three. During that time I hadn't spoken to Eric or even got a glance from him. Almost that same day that I was done, I went back to the library only to find Eric there again. He smiled and handed me book four telling me that I would not be disappointed. That was a couple days ago. Now I had finished book four in half the time. Of course it was a charming read but I can't help but believe that I did it so that I could talk to this boy clad in blue slacks and a tucked in white shirt with a darker shade of blue vest.

"I did," I answered smiling when he fell into step with me. "I got your little notes."

At the end of a few chapters or so was his take on what had just happened. They weren't ' _little notes_ ' either as I just had labelled them. He wrote a page or two or three on his favorite character, the interaction that took place, pointing out things that I had missed which caused me to reread certain passages and even what its' hidden meaning could be that the author was trying to convey. I read each with a smile on my face as if he were truly talking to me.

Eric snorted. "They weren't just _little notes_. Those were highly thought out dissertations."

Somehow I knew that would get him upset when I mentioned it. Part of me wanted to see if I could get a rouse out of him. Truth be told it was against Amity nature to hold a grudge but I greatly wanted to make him suffer for that pig feces comment, even though it had been a month since then. I guess you could say that he had wounded my pride. I smiled to see him scoff at my remark.

"I know," I nudged him as we both stopped hoping to ease the conversation again. "I was trying to make a joke. You Erudite are too uptight sometimes," I smiled as Eric returned it. "They were thought out and I thank you for sharing them with me," I held out the papers that he had stuck in between the pages of the various chapters but he shook his head.

"I wrote those for you," he replied making me smile and blush wildly. He must have noticed because he quickly made a retort. "Of course because I don't believe that you would be able to grasp the novel all on your own," he clarified with a smirk.

Again I gently pushed him with my elbow. "Could you at least try and pretend to be a gentleman?"

"I'm not Amity."

"You're not Candor either, so you don't need to be so blunt. Besides I paid you a compliment. Wouldn't common courtesy recommend you to return it," I questioned.

"Again I'm not Amity, so I..."

"You are Erudite," I interrupted him. "And Erudite are proud and obnoxious." I quickly turned to walk away but he caught my arm.

"I have never met an Amity so ready for conflict," Eric stated as he released his hold on my arm.

There was a gleam in his eye like he had just found a brand new toy. I noticed my younger brothers look like that when there was a baby animal born on one of the farms or if they were playing and running in the fields. That same look was present in Eric's eyes and I knew exactly why. He was Erudite after all.

"I can't believe it," I huffed.

"What is it?"

"You're looking at me like I'm some sort of test subject."

"Given the circumstances you have to admit that you present quite an intriguing subject to study."

"You want to study me?" There was disgust in my voice. It was dripping with disdain as well, yet Eric's demeanor did not change the slightest.

He still kept his eyes trained on me. No response came out of him at all.

I narrowed my eyes. "Don't deny it. I have seen that look on more than one Erudite before. You want to find out what makes me so different from the other Amity girls and it's not purely to get acquainted with me. Rather it's to learn something new, expand your knowledge or whatever it is that you Erudite do. Well I'm not a lab rat."

"I wasn't saying that you were."

"But you are looking at me as if I were one," I stood directly in front of him.

"Can you really hold that against me? I am Erudite. We are fascinated with things we do not know and what I do not know is why you, an Amity, enjoy confrontation, reading, learning, school, or even arguments."

"I do not enjoy arguments."

"We're arguing right now," he smiled.

"No we're not. We're having a discussion."

"You just don't like that you're proven wrong, don't you?"

"You just don't like that I'm proven right," I retorted back.

"You really are fascinating to observe," Eric's voice was barely a whisper.

It wasn't until he said that that I had noticed exactly how 'in front' of each other we were. Our bodies were nearly pressed up against one another. Despite how captivating I found his eyes to be or beautiful he mentioned my smile had been, all of that was forgotten. There were other things on our minds at the moment.

I was breathing fury at the thought of being the subject of analysis and Eric was glowing with idea of finding something new to indulge his mind with. If the need to make him suffer had been ignited by an earlier insult, now I was heated with resentfulness. I wanted nothing more than to see this Eric Coulter buried into the ground.

"I'm not an experiment. I'm a person!" Turning on my heels, I whipped my hair across his face and walked briskly away back towards Amity.

When I had arrived at home it was late in the afternoon. I had missed the wagon partially because I did not want to ride with the other Amity children and partially due to the fact that I wanted to converse with Eric. Now that I had I felt depressed. He had thought of me to be nothing but some intriguing subject matter. It was not me that he was interested in and that hurt me greatly.

That night at dinner, my mother noticed my foul mood and had placed another roll of bread on my plate. I glanced over to see that Jensen only had one, Joshua had half a roll, and Jimmy who was only a few months old was getting the bread chewed up by my mother first before being fed to him.

"Why do I have two," I asked. My mother didn't answer yet continued to make baby noises and feed Jimmy. "Mother?"

"You seem unwell," my mother simply said before continuing to feed the baby. Jimmy giggled and slapped his hands down on the table playfully, then clapped. "Oh," my mother smiled with glee.

"I am very well. Thank you. It's just that I'm upset!"

"JoyAnna," my mother said.

"What," my voice yelled.

Jensen's fork dropped as Joshua stared at me with his mouth opened wide. I pushed back the plate and stormed out of the kitchen. My mother had picked up Jimmy and was calling after me but I didn't return to her. I went up to my room and slammed the door. It shook the house. I walked up to my book bag taking out the sheets of paper Eric had wrote for me and ripped it up into pieces before throwing them down on the ground. I looked at the book before throwing that down as well, collapsing on my bed and crying myself to sleep. I felt so stupid for thinking that he wanted to be my friend.

The next couple days I did my best to try and avoid Eric. It was rather difficult. He seemed to seek me out in every class and even during lunch. He went as far as to sit down next to me at the cafeteria table at the end of the week. Serenity and the other girls just stared at him. However once that had initial shock worn off, they took his presence for me receiving assistance in my school work. After all Erudite were smart enough to tutor innocent little Amity girls like me.

"He is not helping me with anything," I told them.

"There is no way she would need my help anyways. This Amity is brightest one out of you all," Eric added on.

"JoyAnna is unique in her own way," Harmony said.

"Bright is probably not one of the words we'd use," Melody smiled.

I knew to which bright they were referring to. Bright could have several meanings. To Amity, bright would stand for being filled with light, shining, sparkling, lively or cheerful. To Erudite however, bright meant someone who was intelligent, clever, or even promising. It was clear that they were finding gentle ways to describe my personality.

Eric grunted sourly. "Did you know that too much exposure to sunlight can cause illness, not just to your skin but also to your mind? It's called exhaustion. And your mind is obviously exhausted because **bright** is definitely the word I would use to..."

"What are you doing here Eric," I turned to him. "Besides offending _my_ friends?"

"They are not your _friends_ ," Eric spat back at me. "You don't have any friends."

I stood up quickly gathering my things and walking out of the cafeteria. How dare he intrude upon me during my association with my... I paused and stomped on the ground, letting a small shriek of annoyance. This was so unlike me. I never threw tantrums. I never had outburst of frustration before. If I was upset, my father and brothers could always calm me down by playing a game, working in a field, running through the orchard, swimming or something. These past couple days since my last encounter with Eric, I had been rather moody. Thinking about it just made me angrier. And anger wasn't welcomed in Amity.

"JoyAnna."

I stopped my little fit and started to pick up my book bag, the books that had fallen out, and several other things. I dusted off my skirt and smoothed over my hair, trying to compose myself before turning around to face the very person responsible for the fluctuation of emotions that I had been going through.

"Mr. Coulter," I glared at him.

It made Eric stop a few steps away from me.

"What?"

Eric shook his head. "You've never addressed me that way before. I don't like it."

"Well that's a shame," I mocked. Eric's lips frowned a bit while his eyebrows knitted together. Obviously he did not like it one bit that I addressed him properly and to further aggravate him. I didn't take it back or apologize. "What do you need, _Mr. Coulter_ ," I emphasized. "I need to be going. I do not feel well. The sun has left me exhausted." I gritted my teeth with every word.

"You weren't at the library the past couple days."

"And?"

"I thought you would go there to look for the fifth book."

"Reading is a waste of time," I spat out.

"He that loves reading, loves expanding his mind," Eric disputed. "Reading is to the mind, what exercising is to the body." I turned to walk away. "JoyAnna."

"I really need to go."

"Did I truly offend you by that statement about the other Amity girls not being your friends?"

"Yes, you did! You insulted them basically stating that they had no mental capacity because they, being Amity, were out in the sun too long."

Eric chuckled. "Somehow I knew that you would pick up on that."

"And what was up with you to single me out like that? I don't like being shown off or made out to be different. They already look at me as," I paused and shook my head wondering what it was that Harmony or Melody had said. "Unique," I finished. "Well, I don't want to be unique or different."

"Of course, social convention dictates that we conform to that of our peers. But none of those girls can even be considered your..."

"For your information they are my friends."

Eric shook his head. "No they are not. You sit there but you don't belong there. They talk about you like they don't know you at all."

"I have known those girls since we were born. We all grew up together. We..."

"That is not the same," Eric said with a complete confidence. "They only see the JoyAnna that you want people to see. There is a whole other side to you, one that sneaks off to the library to indulge in books, to get lost in some other world, who studies all the material in class, memorizes facts, looks at the world as..."

"Do not talk about me like you know me."

"I know you better than those girls back there," Eric stated.

"That's not true," I said softly as I shook my head.

"You know that it's true," Eric replied pushing a book into my hands. "The fifth book in the series."

"I don't want it. Like I said reading is a waste of time." I turned back Eric grabbed me again.

"Reading is like having friends. Even if you're not reading them over and over again, you know they are there. And they're a part of you. You can escape to someplace different then glass walls with white sheets and shining lights. You never feel lonely when you're reading."

I understood every word that he said, because I truly felt that way too. When he had recommended book four and then left all those papers inside, it made me feel like I finally had a friend or friends. It didn't make me feel alone, like I normally did when I was in Amity. It seemed that Eric knew the feeling. But I couldn't help but remember how I was treated the other day.

"But it's not real. You can read about this other place but when you close the book you're back in that dull, lifeless room and you're lonely again," I shrugged.

Eric pushed the book back into my hands. "Read it." Just like that he left me standing there. I looked at the fifth book debating on whether or not to tuck it into my bag or return it to the library.

Reluctantly I let out a sigh, pushed it into my bag and walked home. The only problem was that school was not done yet. One of the older women saw me walking home and quickly hurried to call my father. He put on a smile when I walked through the door asking me if I was alright or if there was a problem at school.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mumbled and got ready to walk up.

"Songbird." I paused at the middle of the stairs and turned around. "Please." I shook my head and started to turn again.

"Oh, Jonah what are we going to do with her," my mother sighed.

"Why don't you just kick me out so I can live with the factionless?"

"Songbird," my father said. "What's gotten into you?"

"No one likes me! The other girls in Amity act like they do, but they truly don't. They're just going through the motions when it comes to me. And now I can't even make my own parents happy! I don't have any friends and I try so hard! Believe me, I'm trying so hard!"

"What about Serenity or Harmony," my mother pressed.

"They don't even know me," I started to laugh. "Can you believe that? I sit down with them at school, at lunch, walk with them, and work with them and yet they don't even know me at all!"

"Songbird."

"No," I yelled once more before running to my room, slamming the door shut and crying myself to sleep again.

A couple hours later I awoke to eat being early evening. I didn't smell the usual dinner that was cooking and crept down the stairs. I stopped in shock as Johanna, my parents, my brothers, even Jack were all in the living room. My father called me in and I sat between him and my mother on the small couch.

"JoyAnna," asked Johanna. "Do you want to tell us what's going on?"

"I don't know what's going on. I just took a nap," I told her. "Mama." My mother started to cry.

"I was told that you've been having some distressing tantrums and it has caused trauma in your family," Johanna said.

I huffed and rolled my eyes.

"JoyAnna," my brother warned.

"What Jack? Why are you even here? Go back to your cute little cottage that's so far away from Mom!"

"Is that what this is about," Martha, one of the elderly women in Amity asked. "Are you missing your brother?"

"Does it matter?"

"Songbird, we're just trying to understand what is wrong..."

"What is wrong with me?" I stood up. "So you think that something is wrong with me too? First it's the other girls in Amity, then its Eric, and now my own father thinks that there's something wrong me?" My father went to stand. "No, I don't want to hear your lies anymore. Don't lie to me and tell me that you still love your Songbird, that I'll always have a place with you or mother, because it's just a lie," I shouted.

"It is those Erudite tendencies. Your sons had it and I believe JoyAnna might as well. With knowledge comes pride and therefore," Martha tried to comfort my mother. But I turned to shout at her as well.

"Oh quiet will you? You don't know anything! You're old and..."

Before I could say anything else, two people whom Johanna had brought along with Jack had grabbed me most forcefully. I don't know what possessed me to squirm in their hold, slap their hands, or kick my feet towards them but that is exactly what happened. I hated being different, I detested being unique, and I loathed that everyone was trying to say that everything is alright or going to be okay because it WASN'T.

It wasn't until I saw Johanna hand my father a small box that I stopped. My eyes shot to the box that I had seen before. When people caused trouble in this faction a little brown wooden box was always brought out. I locked eyes with my father, shaking my head slightly as he took the box and opened it.

"Papa?"

"Forgive me, Songbird," he said as came over, held onto me tighter and stuck the syringe of peace serum into my neck. I cried instantly, not from the pain of the needle but from the shock of my family thinking the worst of me.

None of my other family members had even been given the peace serum. NEVER. I had yelled at my mother, my brothers, my father, and even the other elders of Amity. I could see the tears in my mother's eyes, the hurt that I had caused her. I had brought grief and shame upon my family and all of that was done because I wanted to impress an Erudite boy and he didn't even care. I made myself a vow to avoid him for the rest of my life at school. I would never again speak to Eric Coulter.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

The days had gone by rather dully from my incident that sorrowful night. Every day was the same. There was school, there were chores, there was singing and dancing, there was sewing, there was Amity. Everything seemed uneventful for me, although if you ask any other Amity around here, it was far pleasanter than the day before.

"Each day is a gift, JoyAnna," smiled Serenity who nudged me. It was meant to be playful but you could see the meaning that she held behind it.

"That is why they call it the 'present'," I finished and put on another forced smile for her.

Serenity had been the only one to know of my peace serum injection. It's not like we were best of friends and I decided to confide in her. Rather is that one of my elder brothers, Jack, had spoken of it to his fiancé who just happened to be Serenity's sister. Serenity never did mention it among the other girls. I suppose because it was a sad moment in my life and she either did not want to dwell on the negative or she did not want to remind me of a painful memory. She had been trying really hard to get me to smile these past couple days and I guess I had to hand it to her for being so 'thoughtful'.

True to the oath I had made with myself, I kept away from an impulsive and curious boy dressed in blue. The first day back to school and seeing him was extremely difficult. Eric had attempted to get my attention by calling me over during class. I did my best to ignore looking at whatever general direction he was in. That was truly a testament to difficult situations. Eric sat in the front of class with all the other Erudite. I had to look at the front in order to look at the teacher and what she or he was explaining.

The second day he slid a note onto my desk both during class and during the lunch hour. I didn't open the notes until I got home. But notes had requested that we speak at the library that day. Obviously I missed our appointment. I started to write a note saying sorry but quickly crumpled it up and threw it away when I saw in him class the next morning. He was talking with a couple girls from Erudite and I don't know why this bothered me but it did. A couple of them looked me over before I noticed that his head turned to look in my direction. I wanted to look away. I truly did. His eyes just bore into me like they were pleading almost. I took a step forward but quickly stopped when I heard one of the girls scoff at me.

The note I had wrote the night before apologizing for not meeting him I quickly discarded before I headed off to my desk to sit down. I turned my head to see that Eric had been observing me. I moved my braid and looked down. Within a few seconds another note slid on my desk and before I could grab it and put it into my bag, Eric's hand grabbed onto mine. I looked around us first to see if anyone was paying attention.

"It looked like you had something for me," he asked softly. I shook my head to see Eric look a bit disappointed. His grip on my hand loosened and it allowed me to pull my hand free. I continued to swipe his note into the bag and then went back to staring at the desk.

Again I read the note when I got home. He was still requesting that I meet with him. I did want to. I truly did. There seemed to be very few people who understood how much I enjoyed reading and learning things. It's not like learning was discouraged in Amity. There were ample things to learn about. I felt like there was more than just growing, picking, and distributing fruits and vegetables. Caring and working with animals was a pleasant task but I would often lose my patience. My mind would always be reeling about something else. Eric had provided a small outlet and I relished in it.

It didn't take long for me to make up my mind, determined that I would let him know how I felt about seeing him at the library. I wrote him a note and dropped it onto his desk casually at school the following day explaining to him that because of our 'discussion', I still was not happy therefore I did not want to meet up with him until we both could control our emotions, which I highly doubt would happen. Because of that we could not meet with one another. During lunch I got Eric's response as he handed me an apple and a napkin. In the napkin was a carefully concealed letter.

 _I find that I say things out of impulse. Considering that I was able to write out my thoughts more clearly than speaking them, I wish to convey my sincerest apologies for making you uncomfortable during our 'argument'. And yes what happened was an argument._

That made me smile. Not merely because he picked up on me labeling our last encounter as an 'argument' rather than a 'discussion'. It was because he had apologized. I never thought he would.

 _I do agree with you on the emotional aspect. I did get very frustrated that you did not meet with me. I knew it was because of our 'argument'. I was as you mentioned, not a gentleman that day in any way._

 _What I said that day is true about my desire to observe you. Can you blame me? I do find you to be a fascinating person and would like to continue neutral discussions without any bias or prejudgments on our characters or our factions of birth. I assure you that if you give me the opportunity I believe we can have a decent conversation._

 _Would it be too much to ask if you still meet me in the library after school and allow me another chance?_

My eyes sought him out to see him staring at me intensely to which I nodded. He put on a small smile and looked down approvingly. At the library we sat at the same table, yet passed notes back to each other. Eric's notes were often scratched up or thrown away before he started another one. He was trying so hard to say considerable things that would not escalate us getting into another 'argument' and I found myself smiling over at his attempts.

 _I guess you can be a gentleman._

I dropped the last note of the day onto his side of the table as I stood up and walked out of the library. Soon notes would show up in the middle of my textbooks or his, notes that would tease the girls in Erudite or Amity, notes that would mock the teachers, notes that would share sentiments of the lessons learned in class, or notes that simply were just about ourselves. It had gone on like this for at least a couple weeks. Even when there were no notes to exchange there were little smiles and glances. I felt giddy inside and was glad that I had given him another chance.

At home I kept all of his notes in box under my bed. Slowly I was starting to communicate again with my parents. They had forgiven me for that unfavorable night that happened almost a month ago now and it seemed like the past was all behind us.

Then one night I got a note that changed a lot between Eric and me.

 _Can I walk you home after school?_

I looked up from the cafeteria table, passed Serenity's laughter and over to the table where he sat. I just dropped my eyes back down and didn't think to look at him. It was difficult when I went to grab my textbook for mathematics to see another note from him.

 _I would really like to speak with you in person._

Again I looked towards him and saw a pleading look in his eyes. I also saw the disgusting look I got from a couple of the Erudite girls as they saw Eric looking my way. I didn't answer him right away but purposely took my time putting things away after school had finished that way I could purposely miss the wagon to Amity.

"You waited for me?"

I turned to him and smiled. "Whatever you have to say better be important," I joked. "I missed my ride home."

"Well, I assure you it is." Eric held up a hand and motioned for me to walk. We continued down the streets slowly as we passed several people. "I thought you were going to say 'no' from the look on your face in class."

I looked around to see that no one was paying attention to a teenage Erudite boy walking next to a young Amity girl. "I don't think you should walk me all the home," I said suddenly. "Erudite really have no need to be all the way in Amity."

"I know. I'll go with you as far as I possibly would be allowed to before raising suspicion." I nodded as we continued to walk. "Have you read the fifth book?"

"No," I replied. "Is that what you wanted to discuss?"

"No," he responded. "I'll wait until we are a comfortable distance away from the City."

It was a silent walk, bits of which were uncomfortable. We had so much to talk about on paper but when it came to person there seemed to be nothing available to encourage conversation with him. Either that or I was nervous about what he wanted to speak of.

"Today is Friday," Eric noted.

"Yes," I smiled.

"No school for the next two days."

"Of course," I responded with another unsure smile as I looked around.

"Forgive me for me taking in an observation of your behavior, but are you nervous?"

"You stated you wanted to speak with me in person. The last time we spoke we ended up having an arg," I paused and looked away from the smirk I saw about to appear on his face. "A disagreeable discussion," I finished and squared my shoulders as he huffed. "I just," I stopped and let out another sigh. "Things were going well between us and..."

"Very well, actually," he interjected. I turned to him a genuine smile on his face. I don't know what happened but the next thing I knew was that Eric pressed a kiss to my cheek. I stared at him quite shocked.

It was just a kiss on the cheek. But it was still a kiss nonetheless. It was a kiss from someone of the opposite sex. I would see boys do that to girls they were courting or hoping to court in Amity. But this was Eric and I wasn't sure what this meant. All I know right now is that my head was whirling in a cloud, my body felt like it was weak and my heart was beating so loudly that I swear the entire City could hear it.

"That's for you," Eric said holding eye contact with me as he slipped another note into my skirt pocket. "I'll see you on Monday."

He had not even walked me towards the borderline of Amity. We were still a distance away from the buildings that were the central part of the City. In fact I was left standing on a dirt road that led out to Amity. I heard Eric call my name when he was walking further towards the City and looked up to see him smiling at me. He nodded his head to me and then hurried quickly off towards Erudite. I smiled widely and started to laugh at myself. I had never felt this type of happiness before.

I ran home to read his letter only to get interrupted by the needs and cares of my family. My brothers had occupied my time a lot that night and the next. Both my parents were busy at some function or other events in Amity. I scarcely had a moment of peace to sit down alone and read Eric's letter. Then there was lunch with Jack and his fiancé the following day. I was getting anxious and my family could see it.

Sunday night my parents had finished all of their obligations around Amity and had sat us all down for an intimate family dinner. My father spoke to me about school and it seemed to have lifted the dreary atmosphere that I had rain down upon the house. I shared about what I was learning and my father seemed very pleased about what I was learning and speaking of. It made me smile.

It was truly a loving dinner and it made me forget totally about the letter that Eric had given me. That was until after dinner was finished that my attention was brought back towards the letter.

"JoyAnna," Mom called when we had finished cleaning up the kitchen. I had been trying to get Joshua to calm down for bed and glanced at my mother to let her know that I was busy. "Let your father put the boys to bed. I want to speak with you."

I nodded and Jensen took Jimmy from my hands following father up the stairs. My mother led me towards the back porch. The clothes were folded and I wondered if she wanted me to carry the basket in. However, she took the first article of clothing which happened to be my skirt and settled it down in her lap.

"I found this," she said holding up a folded piece of paper. "In your skirt pocket."

I let out sigh and turned away. "It is nothing, mother," I said softly.

"Are you certain? I cannot understand fully the words that he used but this young man seems quite persistent in spending time with you. Is there a reason why?"

"He was helping me with a school project," I lied. "But it is done with it I assure you, mother."

"JoyAnna..."

"Mother, I assure you it is nothing." I covered my mouth because it came out harsher than I thought possible.

My mom smiled gently and nodded. I offered to take up the basket and put away the clothes belonging to me and my brothers. She allowed me to leave and placed the letter back into my hands. I looked at her surprised.

"It will hurt the both of you if you continue your friendship, JoyAnna," she kissed my forehead. "Remember that it is not right to carry on relationships between members who are in different factions."

"I understand Mama."

As I lay in bed that night I thought about my mother's statement. I did not think that Eric and I were friends. Unless were we friends? After that disagreeable discussion I was able to forgive him when he apologized. And yes I said discussion. In no way was I going to admit that we had an argument. That would only prove Eric correct. It was hurting me that he would think of me as being so sort of subject matter to study or experiment on. It did more than hurt me, it angered me. I thought back to the conversation with my parents at dinner, how happy my brothers all seemed and how that was all because I had been behaving as of lately.

Was my behavior because I was speaking to Eric? Or was I simply blind to what was going on? How could I forget the simple fact that he is Erudite and I am Amity? Our friendship, if that was what it could even be considered, could not happen any further, that much was true. I wanted to keep my family happy. I wanted to have nice pleasant dinner conversations. I wanted to see their smiles and hear their laughter.

I also wanted to desperately continue speaking to Eric. If I continued allowing him to draw me away into this other world, this other place of tranquility through knowledge and learning. Then there was that kiss to consider. That kiss! Oh that beautiful intimate moment! I closed my eyes and imagined it again. It was days ago but it was still fresh on my mind. Could it be possible for us to continue speaking without getting into another disagreement? Or would disagreements be everyday occurrences since we were not in the same faction and were raised to believe in different things?

The thought of our 'discussion' made me realize my answer. Talking to him got me in trouble, got me angry, got me frustrated and most importantly made my family embarrassed. I had behaved unnaturally depressing for any Amity born dependent and I did not want to bring any more shame to my parents.

The next morning it came down to more than just ignoring Eric. I decided to make my intentions inescapably clear. I walked towards him quickly, ignored the glare I got from a couple of the girls there and held out the note for him. It wasn't even a couple seconds when I heard a loud curse sound through the hallways. I had rarely heard foul language before. Sometimes from the Dauntless kids who were running around in the hall. Other than that it wasn't a normal occurrence. However there he was, an Erudite boy, who spilled out a vile word. I looked over to see his fist clenched with the note in his hand. He looked at me with anger and I only slumped into class and into my seat.

Eric did not come into class that day and I could not help but think that it had everything to do with the letter that I wrote to him. That letter that said: _I don't think we should talk anymore._

* * *

 **Thank you to BiaaPoletto, DD, Ms. Golightly88, and trombonegirl85 for writing a review.  
Nadine Vonier - I am still certain of the faction I will be placing both JoyAnna and Eric in when they choose. However, I find myself changing my mind constantly. So I guess I too am on the edge waiting to see where they end up.  
bpaulus - Girl you know you can always PM me and ask if you're confused about something. BTW I do enjoy our little conversations.  
NotHisDear - I'm glad you like it and totally appreciate you setting up the account on IG. My boyfriend happened to pull it up for me this weekend and I thought everything on there was adorable!  
dniebr - I do happen to use that phrase a lot I suppose. Lol. Don't worry I didn't take it personal. There are very few people who critique my stories positively. Others just love to put me on blast. However, I find your reviews insightful. Thank you for sharing them. As for the 'songbird' nickname, I did mention it in Differentiate, but I think I will stick more to using that in here and keeping 'Wildflower' in the other story.**

 **Again thank you to everyone for reading my story.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

The entire week Eric attempted to get my attention, continually dropping notes here and there for me to read. Instead of putting them in my bag I had the displeasure of Eric's eyes blaze every time I threw a note away. He always attempted to catch me after class but I would run quickly with the other girls over to the wagon to head home to Amity. Once he made it out there before I could get to the wagon.

"JoyAnna," Eric announced upon seeing me.

I ducked my head and continued, trying to walk past him.

"JoyAnna, I know that you heard me," he came to walking next to me.

"We cannot talk anymore, Eric," I turned around quickly.

"I want to know why? Did my letter upset you? Are you not..." Eric paused and then looked away, a pained expression coming across your face. "Are you not taken already?"

"What do you mean by taken," I asked shaking my head uncertain by his question.

"I thought you were smart enough to understand it in my letter," he pointed out looking back up at me.

Truth is that I did not even read the letter. I did not even glance at it after the talk with my mother. I had set it down on my dresser and left it there. Should I tell Eric that I did not read the letter? None of that mattered because I looked passed him to see that a couple of the Erudite children were observing us. I hated that they were always in constant critiquing of me and didn't want to bother with it anymore.

I just shook my head at Eric. "I guess I'm not smart after all. Good day to you Mr. Coulter."

I turned quickly and headed home. I had to rid myself of Eric and the sooner the better. My hands reached out for the letter once I had gotten home. I held it for a while, wondering what I was going to do. I had known this boy from about a month and had come to find everything about him agreeable, especially when he sometimes did things that were way too Erudite for even my liking.

There was no need to dwell on the matter anymore. We were in different factions and I had to let it go. Friendships between us could not take place. I walked over to where my brother was making a fire out in the gathering room and threw the letter there.

When I had moved to walk away, I came face to face with my father. "Papa," I almost screamed in shock.

"Is everything alright, JoyAnna," I saw him glance back behind me towards the fire pit.

"Of course," I smiled and hurried out of the room.

I tried to avoid dinner feigning that I had come down with a feminine illness. I went so far as to tell my mother that this is still new to me and all these other emotions were wracking my body but she narrowed her eyes and said that I was an early bloomer and had the past two years to be acquainted enough with my body. I sighed and trudged my way down the stairs. That only added more to the suspicion that she knew I wanted to be left alone.

"Songbird," my father called me to the back porch that night after dinner. Jimmy was in his arms and Joshua was sitting on the stairs trying to catch a firefly. "Your mother explained to me that you lied to her earlier this afternoon."

"Are we Candor now," I sassed.

"JoyAnna," her father simply warned her before turning his lips into a sloppy grin. "What is going on with you? Do you miss your older brothers? Are we placing too much responsibility on you now for being the eldest child in the house?"

"No," I shook my head. "I just," I stopped and took a deep breath. My father looked as if he wanted a definite explanation and right away. "I befriended a boy from Erudite. He makes me feel very strong emotions, Papa. He gets me excited and I think that's why I come home happy. Other times we do not agree on certain matters. That is when I," I looked down. "That is when I am angry."

"You know the heart of the Amity, Songbird. You must not think cruel thoughts," father started.

"Cruel thoughts lead to cruel words and hurt you just as much as they hurt their target," I almost rolled my eyes. "Father, I understand. That is why I am no longer friends with the Erudite boy."

"You are no longer friends?"

"Correct," I sighed.

"It seems that my Songbird wished most earnestly to continue this forbidden friendship," my father gave me a knowing smile.

"Why must it be forbidden Papa?"

"As you have stated he invokes emotions in you that are not in line with Amity teaching. Erudite are about knowledge, Songbird. Amity seeks to preserve the peace. Whoever this boy is will always revert to actions to that of an Erudite, of logic, of observation. There will be disagreements and you would not wish to bring cruelty into the home would you?"

I shook my head.

"Then I feel it best that you..."

"I did as I was told already Papa," I took a bucket of water from the outside barrel and walked it inside. "I will prepare the boy's baths now."

"Songbird, you understand why..."

"Yes Papa, I understand. I will no longer speak with him."

Over the next few days Eric had started to stare at me less and less. One day he went so far as to disregard my presence altogether and I was glad for it. He sparked emotions in me that I did not quite understand. Either I did not understand or I just had them hidden this whole time. I felt excitement and longing and the next I would be angry and ashamed. That was something that was not permissible in Amity.

I had my family to consider. Their needs were important and like my mother said, Eric and I were from different factions. Maybe if I went to Erudite when it came time for my choosing then I could talk to him and he would understand. Until then this was just how things had to be.

"Miss Summers."

I looked up to see Miss Matthews nodding and with an encouraging smile. I had phased out in class once again thinking about Eric. How I hated it but it had to be done. I shook my head to regain my composure. My eyes wandered over to the boards to notice the problem had not been solved. There were four neat lines on the board and I let out a sigh. Miss Matthews was expecting me to answer.

"The first stage of cognitive development is the sensorimotor stage," I answered.

"Excellent," she pressed her lips in an approved state. "Mr. Coulter?"

Without thinking I glanced to the right to see Eric staring at me with an unreadable expression. Our eyes locked and it seemed like forever, although it was merely seconds.

"Pre-operational is the second stage," Eric responded without taking his eyes off of me.

"Good. Miss Sanders would you give us the next stage?"

"That is the concrete operational stage," an Erudite girl sat straighter. I noticed her slowly turn her head towards me. "That is the stage between elementary and early adolescence." Her eyes scanned me over and then directed their attention back to the front of the class.

I immediately recognized her as the pretty girl that Eric was chasing after a couple weeks ago in the hallway. I resisted the urge to glare at her as Serenity sat at my side. I was behaving 'decently' according to her standards, my mother had begun talking to me again, my parents received no visit from Gabriel about bad behavior and I didn't want to do anything to cause alarm. If I did, Serenity might report to her sister who in turn would speak with Jack and then of course notify my parents. Then Johanna and the other elders in Amity might once again visit our home.

As much as it pained me to see this girl eye me out as if I was nothing but dirt I had to let it go. I had to keep the peace. There was nothing to do that would not end in more shame brought upon my family for their daughter having inappropriate and un-Amity-like behavior. Miss Matthews thanked her not only for the answer but the additional information and I looked away when she looked at me a second time with a smug smile on her face.

Miss Matthews called on surprisingly an Abnegation boy next. We all turned to see him give the correct answer. My mouth almost fell open but I let it go. An Abnegation speaking up in class was almost as unheard of as an Amity receiving better scores on exams in class.

I did not wish to speak to Serenity or any of the other girls from Amity during lunch. In fact I had started reading the fifth book in the series. Although unlike the first four novels there were passages in here and twists in the plot that I could not keep up with. I flipped back and had to continually read page after page to understand what was going on. It did not help that when I looked up and groaned at my miscalculation of the character's viewpoint that my eyes met Eric's from across the way.

His eyes drifted down to the book in my lap and then raised an eyebrow at me. I looked back down and continued to read but once again I found myself highly confused. I wiped my forehead in frustration and let out a deep sigh as I had to turn back this time to the beginning of the book. Part of me looked over to Eric and in that one glance he put on a small smile and started to make his way towards me.

In my panic, I gathered up my things quickly, stuffed them into my bag, and hurried away. Eric continued to follow me however. We both ended up in the library and for a while I did my best to avoid him, walking in between the rows of tables or the shelves of books. Finally I looked around to see that I had lost him somewhere and decided to sit down and reread the book in my solitude. It was not long until I saw a piece of paper slide onto the table where I sat.

 _Let me help you._

My hands quickly crumpled the note back up and I looked over to see Eric staring at me. He mouthed the word 'please'. I desperately wanted to continue our friendship, I longed to ask him what was in the letter, and I desired his forgiveness in my behavior. But a brief memory of the look on my family's faces as I had come back into good graces with them flashed before my eyes. I shook my head and threw the note away and hurried out of the library.

The next day Eric tried stealthier attempts to get my attention and I have to say that one of them almost worked. However the second that I saw him I ran. I disliked making him unhappy and I don't know why. Something just pulled me to him and that made it all the more dangerous.

My studies were slowly declining which my parents were alright with. I had been more active with Amity gatherings the past week and had taken up a couple added chores around the house. It would look like I was becoming the picturesque Amity. However I detested it. I hated seeing that Miss Sanders in the front score something better than me. The true reason why I was falling behind was because I was so absorbed in the fifth series of the book. That is when salvation came to me.

It happened one day while I was in the library. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that the boy I was trying to avoid this whole time was not here. My victory was short lived however. Eric Coulter is not one to surrender that easily. After trying many occasions to communicate with me, he finally found another way about a week and a half later and that day was today.

"Eric told me that I would find you here."

Quickly I shuffled back to notice one of the boys who had been present with Eric when I first had met him. I looked up at him cautiously, eyeing him as he gestured to the seat next to me. I nodded and looked away, pulling my braid to the side so as to hide partial of my face.

"Eric speaks of you often. I believe he even noted that you are smarter than a few of the Erudite girls also. The truth is," the boy chuckled. "It makes them jealous of you the way he mentions you with admiration."

I kept my eyes trained on the book in front of me. I did not want to give in so easily.

"As I mentioned there has been so much talk about you, I had to see it for myself. One of the things he mentioned is how highly opinionated you are. That is odd for an Amity, would you not agree?"

My fingers nervously turned the page on the book.

"Well," he cleared his throat. "Seeing as that you will not talk to me, I believe that continuing a conversation with you will be fruitless. However Eric did say to give this to you."

A small stack of papers was pushed my way. I glanced towards them but made no attempt to grab the notes. I already knew what they were. No doubt more observations of Mr. Eric Coulter were covered in them about the fifth book. He couldn't deliver them himself so he decided to send his friend. That made me smile a bit. He would really go through extreme lengths to assist me in my understanding wouldn't he? Before I could venture further on the thought, I quickly shook my head. I had to think rationally.

"You may inform Mr. Coulter that I am in no need of them. I understand the book perfectly well on my own. However I do thank him for desiring to share his viewpoints on the story," I replied curtly. I gathered the three books on the desk, stuffed them into my bag and hurried towards the door.

As quickly as I moved so did the boy from Erudite. His arm reached out and pushed the door back to close.

"Eric thought you might say something like that. I'm afraid if I do not give these to you now that Eric will continue to send me until you comply. I do not enjoy chasing after ignorant Amity girls. Therefore it would be most appreciated if you accept them now."

"No," I stated.

"Look Miss, I heard that he's been coming here almost every day for the past two weeks almost trying to get you to talk to him. I have tutoring sessions and a new lab project for advanced medical classes. I cannot come here like Eric. So you will either take it now or Eric will simply continue to hound you."

I rolled my eyes and took the papers from his outstretched hand.

"Thank you Mr.," I gave him a confused face.

"Mr. Norrington," he bowed slightly. "James Norrington III."

Of course he would state his name that way. When I noticed that I had missed the wagon today I had no other choice but to walk. Halfway through my journey I decided to rest. I had intended it to be a short rest. However my mind was curious about the fifth book so I stopped to pull out Eric's notes. As I looked through them they did not seem to be like notes. They were letters and they were all addressed to me.

I scanned through a couple and had to cover my mouth to keep myself from laughing. Some of them were short like the ones we would hide in each other's books during class. He spoke about the Faction History teacher which made me smile. There were many of them but little things he observed that I happened to recall. It made my heart leap to know that we were both thinking about the Candor girl who tripped on her way to turn in her test, the Dauntless boy who was snoring in Agricultural class, or that silly skirt that Harmony was using last week Tuesday. It was like our friendship never ended.

That night, after all my chores were done and the dinner table was set, I rushed up to my room and decided to write him a note.


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

"Good Morning. Do you mind if I sit here?"

I looked up to see none other than Eric. I narrowed my eyes at him wondering what he was doing talking to me in the school library, in a public place. The plan was that we wouldn't look or appear to be friends. How did we come about that plan you ask?

As you know, I attempted to end my friendship with Eric because it was affecting my home life. After receiving all those notes from his friend, I wrote a note back to him. I explained in the note I gave to him that it was against the rules for us to be friends because we were from different factions. What surprised me was that he immediately responded and asked if I had read his previous note at all.

I admitted that I didn't and instead of writing another note back he found me after school and walked me to the border of Amity once again. Eric said that the note stated that he did not see an Amity dressed with a long flowing orange or red skirt with flowers in my hair. Rather he saw my eyes, my smile, and most importantly my mind. He enjoys our little conversations and there was no one more intriguing than me. Eric wanted to cement our friendship instead of just us leaving notes for one another.

We almost argued that day that the whole idea of us being friends couldn't happen. Eric was the brilliant one who came up with the plan. He didn't want to end our friendship. It was concluded that we could resume being friends with no one knowing. I didn't like the idea of lying to my parents but Eric reminded me that neither he nor I were Candor.

Therefore, once again I had started to leave notes for Eric in between his books or sliding across his desk. And in return he did the same. The very next day after we had rekindled our friendship, Eric gave me a note that said he wanted to continue walking me home. We had developed a pattern over the next couple of days. We would pass notes while in school and after that was done he would walk with me towards the border and we'd continue to speak freely. Days had turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. Another month had gone by where Eric and I would share our little thoughts, secrets, observations, or ideals with one another.

Eric stated that his favorite part of the day was when we would sneak off after school when no one was around, walking at the border of Amity's tree line talking about whatever we wanted. A couple times we would bring food and continue there at the Amity border until it got dark. The only person who had known about our meetings of course was James. Correction, I could hear him clearing his throat. It is James Norrington III. I rolled my eyes whenever I thought more and more about James. I brought it up in a note to Eric once and he said that James was becoming rather fond of me as well.

Now that you are all up to date on that, let's get back to the situation at hand.

"May I," Eric asked again.

I nodded and turned back to my book. I knew I was the only Amity in here. There were a couple Dauntless, a couple Abnegation, some Candor, but mostly Erudite in the library. Eric was really being rather bold in sitting next to me and not with the others.

"Are you going to Visiting Day," Eric questioned silently.

"People can see you sitting here with me," I reminded him.

"You didn't answer my question."

I let out a sigh and continued to look down into my book. I had a feeling that people were watching us intently, especially those Erudite girls that I would always see around Eric in the morning. However when I looked up they had left the library.

"It's tomorrow, correct," I asked still trying to look like we're not carrying on a conversation.

"Yes. If you and your family visit your brothers, I would really like to give you something," Eric stated.

"You cannot just give it to me now?"

"It is in Erudite," he said softer as a group of students walked behind us and over to another table.

"And you could not tell me all of this by handing me a note or later on this afternoon," I pushed further.

"I cannot spend time with you after school today in the fields."

I couldn't help but drop the book that I was holding in my hand. It's not like he was obligated to continue walking me back and spending time with me every day. But I felt a strange feeling of dislike swell within me when he told me that. As if noticing he quickly took my hand and held it under the table. It was the first time he had done so.

"I want to be there," he whispered as I pretended to flip a page in the book with my other hand. "But I'm need in Erudite right away."

"Does your mother need you," I asked quietly trying to control my breathing.

Eric slightly squeezed my hand causing me to look towards him. He was already staring at me. He nodded his head before turning back to his book in front of him.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. There were few times that Eric spoke about his family. I did not know much other than the fact that his father passed away last year due to some lab accident. His mother was rarely attentive to him but she was someone important in her field of study. That alone was the main cause for her absence in Eric's life. Although that was as much as I knew, I could also conclude that Eric did not like his mother much.

"She requested for you?"

"Yes." The way he said it sounded irritating and off putting. I could only imagine that he was trying to keep calm about it. As I mentioned he explained that he never spent time with his mother and that she was always working. So for her to call him was a little awkward.

"That's good isn't it? She wants to spend time with you," I tried to encourage.

"You and your positive thinking," he chuckled and then quickly shook it off, continuing to grasp onto my hand.

"I suppose then I will not see you until tomorrow," I said biting my bottom lip and looking at the window.

Tomorrow seemed so far off now. I really did not want to spend the afternoon without him. I truly did enjoy our conversations and time spent together. I knew that if I went home right away I would be in a foul mood, especially without being around him. Though I was still uncertain as to why he had held my attention the way that he did. There was more to it than us making jokes about teachers or others students, speaking about our concerns, and sharing opinions on literature. There had to have been more.

"I'll look for you," he whispered before squeezing my hand again, releasing it quickly and then getting up to leave. Just like that he was gone.

I headed out towards the wagon early after school. Despite James offering to walk me the distance towards Amity, I declined. Walking and spending time out by Amity's trees were something special that I wanted to reserve for only Eric and myself.

"Jack," I looked at one of my older brothers in surprise when I saw him at the front. "It's a surprise to see you here today," I climbed up and sat towards the front near to my brother.

"I've been driving the wagon the past two weeks," he stated lifting an eyebrow at me. "Jensen and Joshua were the only ones that I have seen out of my younger siblings catch a ride after school. Although," he cleared his throat and stared. "Mother tells me that you've been helping out in Abnegation. I commend you for taking in volunteering service," he smiled.

Something told me however that he knew I had been lying to our Mom. My younger brothers climbed in and sat excitedly next to me. Although it was not said out loud, I'm sure they were both surprised and thrilled to see me riding back home. I felt a small spark of guiltiness at my being absent from their presence after school.

When we got home I rushed through my chores like usual only to get stopped by my Father who had come home from work early.

"JoyAnna?"

"Yes Papa," I smiled and pulled out some water for him but he also stopped me in my actions. "Are you not thirsty after a long day of work in the fields, Papa?"

"I am but that can wait," he motioned for me to sit.

"Am I in trouble," I asked as I sat opposite of my father at the kitchen table.

My dad smiled and then let out a sigh. "I know that you have been lying to your mother about helping out with projects here in Amity or that of Abnegation. I had my suspicions when I had gone with your Aunt Diana to bring some spices to Abnegation to help them with taking care of ill factionless and you were not there."

"And Jack just confirmed it for you today, didn't he," I closed my eyes and looked down.

"We are not Candor so it's not a big issue to be lying so easily. However," my father cleared his throat. "I had hoped that you would be kind enough to allow your mother and me to at least know where our only daughter has been these past weeks."

I didn't think I would but I had started to cry.

"Are you already sneaking off to Erudite?"

That caught me off guard and my head snapped up to look at him.

"Gabriel and I spoke a few days back and he explained that you're still showing promise in various areas of your education. You've taken a strong interest in literature and agricultural. Although I do not understand why you would delve into a book to read about farming when you could always visit with your old man," he smiled.

It made me laugh a little and stop the tears that were at the corners of my eyes.

"I find it fascinating Papa, the things that I am learning. I am sorry for lying and please do forgive me."

"I see no harm in it. I had hoped that it was some phase you were going through. However, I am starting to realize that I might need to face facts. Your grandfather was an Erudite," my Dad stated. I smiled instantly. "It should come to no surprise that one of my sisters had chosen Erudite and now," he looked over at me. "Now I might have three children in Erudite."

"Papa," I looked at him sadly and walked over to sit down in his lap. "It is still so far away. And you could be correct after all. Maybe my earning for knowledge is just a phase?"

"No," he shook his head and smiled. "You are very bright, Songbird. With your brothers there, my sister, and knowing that your grandfather came from there, I have no doubt that you would be just fine."

"I don't want to leave, Papa," I said quietly.

"I know. But you must find your place in the system. And from the looks of things your place may be in Erudite," he smiled and kissed my forehead. "As I've told you before, Songbird, you will always have a home here and in here," he took my hand in his and placed in on his chest over his heart. "I want you to be happy. When we visit your brothers tomorrow, you ask them whatever your heart desires about Erudite."

I nodded and rest my head on his shoulder.

"This will be our little secret." I laughed when he said that.

"Mama will not be thrilled that you're encouraging me to leave, especially since I still have two more years to go until my choosing," I reminded him.

"I will assure her when the time comes, don't you worry," he pinched my cheek. "You just be happy!" I nodded.

"You would really let me go to Erudite?"

"It's not a matter of allowing you to go. It is your choosing. You can choose to go if that is what you want. Something tells me that you would like it in Erudite," my dad said.

"I think I would too," I smiled looking down. "And not just because I can continue conversation with Eric."

"Who is Eric?"

My eyes went wide when I realized what I said and what my father was asking. I looked away and pressed my mouth shut. My father stayed silent for a while. Something told me though he would want an answer. And considering that he caught me in a lie, I didn't want to continue it further especially if he was okay with me going to Erudite when I turned sixteen.

"He's a friend," I went with the simplest answer.

"I'm happy to see that you have made a friend." I looked at my Dad and saw nothing but genuine and sincere joy with the idea of me having a close companion.

"You won't tell Mama will you?"

"No," he chuckled. "I suppose I won't, as long as you do something for me." I nodded. "You must stop lying about where you are or what you are doing, is that understood," my father said with a warm smile.

"Of course Papa."

"Come on, let's start dinner."

I jumped off of his lap and went to the washing bowl to get ready. I was so happy that I pulled out the fish and decided to make my Dad's favorite dish, even down to the vegetable soup and baked potato. We enjoyed a nice dinner with the entire family. Joshua could not wait to show Jordan something that he had drew in class. Jensen had found a new stone and would inquire about it tomorrow as well. My mother had packed some treats that he was sure Jordan would be missing. I on the other hand, had something else occupying my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to see my brothers. But I was more thrilled about my father approving of me wanting to be in Erudite and even deeply overjoyed about seeing Eric.


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

We were heading towards Erudite, walking more like it. There were three other families who were also travelling that way with children who had defected into that faction. I was most anxious to see my brothers but I was even more thrilled to see Eric. I brought my school book bag and had it around my shoulders waiting to spot them on the tables.

"JoyAnna," Joshua pulled on my skirt and ran ahead as we entered the outdoor glass room. I had no idea what it was with Erudite and always wanting everything so shiny.

Joshua ran pass a couple tables, getting looks of reproof from several people in blue. I only eyed them back which probably made things worst. What Amity eyes people out like I just did? Jordan stood up and smiled. I almost ran to him too but held back when I saw he had a girl sitting at the table with him.

Jordan pulled Joshua into a tight hug as they both started to laugh. Joshua quickly released him and looked sadly. I looked pass Jordan to see Jonathan standing there.

"That is too much happiness to display," Jonathan censured Jordan.

"Of course," Jordan nodded but turned to me and smiled.

I guess I was in a defiant mood because I too tackled Jordan in a warm hug and started to laugh. Jordan picked me up and tightened his arms around me. I looked over his shoulder and stuck my tongue out at Jonathan who only rolled his eyes and looked away.

"JoyAnna," Jordan said.

"Jordan," I pulled back and smiled. I threw my arms back around him. "I missed you."

"And I have missed you," he replied before pulling away once more and going to greet our parents. I did a curtsy to Jonathan who only let out a deep sigh.

I turned to the table to see the girl had risen. "You must be Jordan's sister."

"I am," I answered her.

"My name is Nicole," she held out her hand.

"There is no need to do that. You may bow. My sister needs to learn..."

Before Jonathan finished I leapt into Nicole's arms and embraced her in a hug. "Learning isn't really something Amity dependents do," I said out loud causing Nicole to giggle. "It's nice to meet you," I pulled back and motioned for her to sit down. "So," I smiled. "Are you courting my brother?"

"Straight forward, is she not," she looked up to Jonathan but he had already disappeared to tell Father something. I heard Nicole sigh. When I turned to her she had a look of disappointment on her face.

"Never mind Jonathan," I told her. "He's just upset he has to share a visiting day with Jordan." Nicole smiled and nodded. "So you did not answer my question."

"I am afraid that I cannot," she said.

"It's a yes or no question," I shrugged.

"It may seem that simple. But there is a fine line between being friends and wanting to be more than that. I enjoy your brother's company. It is refreshing to have him here instead of most Erudite boys," she nodded towards another table. "Right now though, we are merely close companions."

I nodded and looked down.

"One day you will see, young JoyAnna. There are some of the opposite sex whom you want closer to you than just someone to have conversation with," she ran a hand over my hair. "You have such pretty hair."

"Thank you," I smiled.

"Mama," said Jordan walking our way. "This is Nicole Edmonds. She is my initiate class and also Erudite-born," Jordan commented as Nicole stood up. My mother looked to Jordan who only smiled and looked away.

I had never heard of the concept of wanting to be more than just friends with a friend. What did that even mean? Were they courting secretly or did she want to court him but couldn't because they were friends? Maybe it was the other way around? If they liked one another, why don't they just say so? There were so many questions running through my head. The idea of having friends was new to me. The only friends I had before were my brothers. I did not even think that Serenity and the other girls were my friends. However, I had recently become friends with Eric and James. Was she saying that I could start courting someone who was only my friend, like Eric?

I shook my head and focused on the conversation. My mother asked Nicole more than questions than she did Jordan. I found it kind of odd that my mom seemed intent on knowing more about Nicole than asking about how Jordan had been. I was desperate to speak with Nicole as well. As I said the only other girls I ever interacted with were the girls from Amity. Occasionally there were those stares that I got from girls that were in Erudite but I did not care too much about them. James told me that they were jealous although I had no idea why. They could hang out with Eric whenever they wanted. I had to sneak around.

Before I could even get any questions in my mother's conversation with Nicole, Nicole had to leave to visit her family as well. Jordan explained that they keep initiates separate from their families in Erudite until they pass. I thought it odd. Jack was not kept from us during Amity's initiation. Come to think about it, Amity's initiation is rather shorter than Erudite. The dependents who were Jordan's age who stayed in Amity were already full-fledged members a month ago. It's been two months since Jordan defected and he's still considered an initiate. It's also been two months since Eric and I have been on and off again 'friends'.

I looked off to the side to see Jonathan had left. When I inquired about him, Jordan stated that Jonathan is becoming a rather important member in Erudite. At such a young age I thought it was kind of odd.

"Oh," Jordan cleared his throat and stood up abruptly. "Mr. Cabela, Miss Matthews," he nodded to them.

"It is a pleasure to see you here young Mr. Summers," said Mr. Cabela, Erudite's current leader. "This must be your family."

"Yes," Jordan smiled and introduced all of us. Mr. Cabela was a kind man for someone who was from Erudite. He actually remembered all of our names and meeting us last year and the three other years before when we had come to visit Jonathan.

Miss Matthews turned to look at me and nodded.

"Miss Matthews," I somewhat bowed. Why did I bow?

"Miss Summers," she smiled. "It is a pleasure to meet the parents of three of the brightest youths I have ever come across."

"Three," asked Jordan.

"Your sister here is one of the top students in my two classes, psychology and of course literature," she smiled and I blushed.

"Gabriel was explaining to us that she has been excelling," said my father as he smiled at me. "If my two sons are doing so well," he turned to Jordan. "It comes to no shock that my daughter would also be doing well."

"Well," Miss Matthews repeated. "She is far surpassed many of the Erudite born children in my classes."

"I have a good teacher," I told her. I wasn't trying to kiss up or anything but I wanted Jordan to look good also. "It will be a shame that you won't be teaching next year. But I am more than happy for you in your new position."

"Believe me, Miss Summers," she took a step forward. "Even though I am not there in your classes, I will still be keeping an eye out for you." Miss Matthews turned to Jordan. "Impressive report you handed in on child behavior, Mr. Summers."

"Thank you," he nodded.

"Mr. Cabela has spoken highly of you. Considering your brother works closely with my sister, I would be pleased to see what you can do once you are a member." My brother smiled more. "Unfortunately now that I know who your two brothers are Miss Summers, I won't be going easy on you for the duration of the year."

"I look forward to a challenge," I told her.

"I'm sure you do," she titled her head with a smile; she nodded towards Jordan and my parents and then left.

"As always, young Summers," Mr. Cabela shook my brother's hand. "It's a pleasure to see you all again," he told my parents and then also left.

There was more conversation about how Jordan was getting along. He desired to show us his office. My father expressed shock that he had an office. When he explained that it was just a desk in a corner of Nicole's father's office and he was merely an apprentice or assistant in the field of study, my father relaxed a little. As we were walking pass the office, there was a small room with a few Erudite boys, several I recognized from class, including James. I paused at the door, took a deep breath, and walked in.

"Mr. Norrington," I said.

James turned and smiled. "Miss Summers," he excused himself from his associates and came towards me.

"It is a pleasure to see you. I suppose you are visiting your brother, Jonathan?"

I smiled but shook my head. "Jordan, actually," I answered. "He's an initiate in this year's class."

"Two brothers in Erudite," James smiled. "I can see where you might be receiving your brilliance."

"Thank you. I take that as a very high compliment coming from another Erudite," I said as he nodded. "Do you know where I might find Eric?"

"Yes," he smiled. "Although it might not be allowed for you to see him there if you know what I mean."

"Oh?"

"Eric is in his mother's laboratory at this time. He's been there since last night according to Nikolai." I nodded at James' information. "However," he took a step closer. "If you were to somehow get lost in that area," I looked up to see him smiling. "Your brother, Jonathan, works close by. Perhaps you want," I could sense what he was hinting. "Or desire to visit him and stumble across Mrs. Coulter's lab to see our friend," he smiled.

"Of course," I agreed. "Jonathan took off without me so much as sending him a greeting about how he is missed. I am allowed to visit my brother since it is visiting day and if I happen to get lost..."

"Eric could assist you," he finished.

I leaned forward and kissed James on the cheek. "Thank you Mr. Norrington," I quickly said and ran down the hall.

I briefly remembered Jonathan showing us his lab and sprinted down the hall. Again I was still receiving strange looks from those Erudite who walked in stiff dresses with their perfectly placed hair and shiny shoes. I came across a lab that said Mrs. Coulter and stopped. I pushed back some flyaway strands of hair and smoothed out my skirt. I knocked on the door and waited for a while.

To my relief, Eric was the one to come and open the door. He smiled immediately but then dropped it.

"Who is it," a voice called from inside. I could only assume it was his mother.

"Tell her that I came looking for my brother and got lost," I whispered.

"It is a visitor from Amity," Eric smiled at my suggestion. I would have to tell him later that it was James who came up with the idea. "She is looking for her brother, Jonathan. She was told that she could find him here."

"Jonathan was sent on an errand. Tell her that he is not here, Eric," said his mother with a bitter tone.

"May I please be excused to assist her in looking for her brother? Once I am done I shall return quickly," Eric asked never taking his eyes off of me.

"Very well but hurry," his mother said.

Eric quickly took my hand and pulled me down the hallway. I could not believe that we were actually running together, hand in hand, down the hallways in an Erudite building. He pulled me back when we reached a turn. I was up against the wall and Eric was hovering dangerously close in front of me.

"Sh," he smiled lifting a finger to his lips. I nodded and looked down. We had never been so close before. I could barely see a gap between our bodies. I blushed and looked away instead. A pair of Erudite men walked around the corner and barely noticed us. "Come on," he took my hand again.

Eric and I went up a couple stairs and over to the other side of the building. He brought me into a small room that had a few computers in here. I had always wanted to use one but looked away when Eric called my name. He was further inside and pulling something out from a crate in the back of the room. When I reached him, he finally located it, dusted it off, and flipped a tiny button on the side.

"It's an electronic tablet."

"It looks like a small piece of glass," I took it and looked it over.

"Here," he said grabbing another and doing the same as he did with the first. "Connect to communicator eight zero eight," Eric smiled as the piece of glass that I held beeped.

"Would you like to accept the connection from communicator three one five," I read the words on top looking over at Eric.

"Just accept it," he urged. "Press the button there." I pressed the green button and on the piece of glass was Eric.

I gasped and looked at him as he lifted his glass and showed that he could see me. I looked back and I could see me, too.

"It can see anything that is in this lens right here," his pointer finger moved over to a small black circle on the top frame that I did not even notice. "We can speak to each other when we can't meet in the library or even at Amity's borders," he pointed out.

"What," I smiled. "It can really do that? It's just a piece of glass."

"I told you, it's an electro..."

"Electronic tablet, I know," I smiled again and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"We could even speak to each other at night," he said softly. I looked up to him a bit shocked at first but excited by the thought. "You know," he looked down. "If we ever needed help with schoolwork or just someone to talk to," he shrugged uncertain now that he brought it up.

I took a step forward to close the distance once again. I don't know what came over me but I reached for his hand and stood just as close to him as we were out in the hallway. "I'd like that."


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

The previous three months had gone by so quickly. School was the same to me. Miss Matthews continued to give me harder lessons wanting to challenge me and I met almost every single one of her expectations. I had started volunteering on weekends in the kitchen with Serenity. Although I would find her bubbly antics annoying at times, I always gave her a smile and let her tirade of pleasantries continue.

Mother and I were cooperating well with one another at home. In fact I had started to enjoy singing and baking with her once more. The scene of us singing while cooking or doing chores around the house made my father happy. It put a cheerful mood throughout the entire home.

Things were going so well for Eric and me also ever since visiting day. We would pass notes during school, spend time together in the woods that created the Amity border, and then on days where there was no school or meeting in the woods we converse over Erudite's electronic tablet.

It was not long until his presence at my table not just in the library but also in class had become a constant occurrence. How constant? Every day out of the week now we sat down next to one another doing research, school work, reading the novels that he'd recommend, or passing notes back and forth and something of little importance. In class he often sat in the desk in front of me or the row to mine. It was difficult at first because we did not want to look like we were mingling.

In the library it was much easier for both of us to be in each other's company. Once in a while James would come and join us. In time another one of their companions, named Nikolai would also stop in. Most days though, it was just Eric and I. It was a pleasant thing to look forward to. One of those days in the library, the Erudite girls I always saw around Eric in the morning came by and knocked over her cup of water 'accidentally' on a book that Eric had gave me to read.

"My sincerest apologies," she commented with a smile. I could tell by the way she looked at me that she wasn't truly sorry.

"Mr. Coulter," said the other placing a hand on the textbook that was in front of Eric. It was a subtle move but I picked up on it. She wanted his attention. "I am having trouble in Miss Matthews's class and since you are an extraordinary student in Psychology, we wanted to know if we could get some of your knowledge in there," she reached out as if to touch Eric's hair or side of his face.

I did not like these girls around Eric. I did not even care for them to be spending time with him in the morning. I never once brought it up for fear that Eric would end our friendship. Having them here right now though was irritating me greatly. Especially since the one who spilled her water sat down across from me, glaring with heated eyes. I tried not to let my frustration show and controlled my breathing.

"Actually, Miss Sanders," Eric moved his head back from her hand. That almost made me smile. What did though was Eric's next statement. "Miss Summers here," he nodded to me. "Is actually the top student in our Psychology class as of right now," Eric finished turning to give me a brief smile.

That was something he normally did not tell me to my face. Actually we hardly talked about who was smarter than the other. I think unlike other Erudite, who competed over that sort of thing, Eric did not see me as a threat rather someone who was equal to him. I couldn't help but allow myself to smile back at him despite there being the Erudite girls around.

"I rather fail than take lessons from a banjo-strumming, pig faced vixen," the girl known as Miss Sanders took her books and whipped around to leave.

Her words would have stung if Eric wasn't still looking at me with his soft smile. Something about it brought me back to our closeness back in Erudite. The feel of him being so near as I was pressed between his body and the wall was a bit alarming and thrilling at the same time. I hadn't had feelings like that, leaving me confused beyond any thinking. Back then when Eric was looking at me it felt exciting. Even now as some girl had just insulted me, I still felt lost in the moment.

Eric did not throw any of those girls a second glance when they exited and he continued to look at me. I shifted uncomfortably and was the first to break our stare down.

"You didn't need to compliment me like that, especially in front of your friends," I whispered.

"They are not my friends," Eric commented. I could still feel his eyes looking at me and tried to hide the blush that was instantly creeping up on my face. How did he make me feel this way? "Besides," his fingers lightly brushed the back of my hand causing me to look up. "You are a very bright person, smarter than me in some things. Others should know your talents as well."

I smiled and looked down towards his fingers still tracing my hand. I flipped it over and let our fingers play together. It was something so soothing. We continued that way well until the bell sounded for our next class. Eric took my hand, interlocking our fingers together. We had held hands but never did we lock our fingers together around each other's. I felt a strong warmth shoot up that moment from our hands and burned itself in my chest. Eric pulled our hands to his face and pressed his lips to the back of my hand. I let out a gasp and felt an intensifying heat where he had kissed my hand.

"I will see you after school," he smiled before letting go and dropping my hand. I watched him leave the library but not before he turned around and smiled one last time at me.

Later on we did not speak about the hand holding in the library nor did we bring up the kiss he left graciously on my hand. But I couldn't forget the smile we both had after and it did not disappear that whole afternoon we spent at Amity border.

From that day on he was never hanging around the other Erudite-born girls in the morning when he came to school. Either he was with James and Nikolai or he would be waiting for me to arrive. I would climb off of the wagon and see him waiting off to the side with that soft smile he only reserved for me. Those mornings were the best.

I will not lie. Things were not always that great during the three months that passed.

There were times when we had rather heated disagreeing conversations. I know I was being irrational about going back and forth between the decision that we were having an 'argument' or not. But I did not like it whenever Eric was right and thus proved me wrong. I continued to tell him that we were not arguing. We were just simply having an emotional discussion about a subject that neither he nor I wanted to surrender.

One of the 'discussions' we had revolved around something in class that happened. Eric and I were already out by the Amity border so we could talk as openly as we wanted to.

"No," I remember him protesting. "That cannot be. The Founders would have objected."

There was a debate going on in Faction History class. The debate was about who to give control of the government to or which faction would best be placed on the City Council. The Founders had decided to place Abnegation on and the teacher asked for our 'modest' opinions. Several Candor-born had voiced their opinion. Actually almost all of the Candor-born gave their thoughts about it. No Abnegation had spoken up. Only three Amity, one of them being me, shared their thoughts. A few Dauntless also joined in. But most of the conversation dwelt on the Erudite-born spitting out fact after fact why another faction shouldn't have been on the City Council.

"Gregory had a valid point. Amity are more social," I told Eric as I sat down on the log by the small river that we had found a week or so ago.

Eric had paused in his pacing and turned to face me. His discerning cloudy sky eyes stared at me. I had not told him yet that that is what I thought about whenever I looked into his eyes, the blue sky with clouds dancing in the wind. Eric had something on his mind and it wasn't the conversation at hand. I could tell by the way he titled his head and that little crinkle that formed between his eyes right before he would scowl.

He then shook his head and continued to pace. "Those from Amity lack the ability to discern and think ahead. Wouldn't you agree that Amity would want everyone to be happy? If that were the case then no issue would get settled upon because you can't please everyone. They would not think about the future consequences if everyone was granted a request."

"There are win-win solutions in every problem," I stated.

"You and your positive thinking," he smirked.

"You always say that I think positive but that isn't the case half of the time," I noted.

"JoyAnna, you do not speak ill of those other girls from Amity, in fact I barely hear you downgrade the Erudite-born girls even though they do not miss an opportunity to badger you," Eric commented.

I shrugged. "It must be my Amity upbringing."

"It's refreshing," he smiled. We were silent for a moment just looking at one another.

A gust of wind blew through causing the tree branches overhead to shake their leaves into the river. The leaves were not the only thing to have moved. A book we had left out turned and a couple pages I had stuffed inside with notes had blown about as well. Eric and I both got up to grab the papers. For once I did not like the cool breeze. It interrupted Eric and me gazing at one another. It brought us back to reality.

"Forgive me," Eric said as he handed me back the paper. "I believe we were speaking about something else but drifted into another topic."

"That tends to be the case with you and me," I smiled at him putting the book into my bag.

Both of us forget in that moment and Eric decided to walk me a bit further in the trees towards Amity. The walk was quiet with us occasionally looking over at one another. I didn't even remember that scowl on his face earlier that is until a noise broke our comfortable silence.

We both looked over to see a horse running through the trees. "Come on," I pulled on Eric's shirt sleeve and we ran towards the horse. We had arrived at a meadow where the horse was grazing. I remembered the colt almost right away. "That colt was born last year," I told Eric as we sat down next to one another leaning against a tree.

"They allow him to run free?"

"Gregory and his father usually keep them in the trotting pens in Amity. He must have jumped out again. Gregory says that he does that a lot," I stated remembering the day I took Joshua to visit the new born horse. I looked over to Eric with a smile but he had a frown displayed on his face. "What's wrong?"

"I just remembered what we were talking about," he said sadly.

"Jog my memory," I shifted and looked at him expectantly.

"We were speaking about the Founders and why they should or should not have chosen a different faction for the City Council," Eric answered.

"That's right," I smiled. "You stated that with Amity leading the Council that nothing would ever get resolved."

"And you believe that there could be a win-win situation for every problem."

I smiled. He remembered. "Think about it for one moment. If there was a representative from Amity are also susceptible to mercy and patience. Those are qualities that can help build compassion for others," I suggested.

"Abnegation show compassion for others," Eric replied.

"Not really," I shook my head. "Remember what Gregory was saying in class?" Eric paused again and stared at me. "He said that..."

"I know what he said. I was there," Eric responded. The tone in his voice seemed a bit angrier than other days. It brought me back to his earlier scowl. I was a little taken aback by it.

"Well there was logic behind what he said. Even you have to admit..."

"Why did you bring him up?"

I stared at Eric. "Excuse me?"

"That's the fifth time today that you brought up Gregory," Eric explained. I had no answer. I did not think I talked about him that much today. And even if I did, why was Eric so upset by it? "He even assisted you in jumping out of the wagon this morning," Eric bit out.

"He was showing kindness," I stated.

"You let him hold your hand," Eric almost screamed. The colt recognized the disturbing conversation and started to trot away, probably back to Amity.

"I was climbing out of the wagon. It was a gentlemanly thing to do," I looked at Eric confused. Eric got up, gripping onto his bag over his shoulder and started to walk hurriedly out of the trees. "I don't understand, Eric. Did I do something wrong," I stood up to go after him.

"No," he turned around and replied gently. He looked down instead of looking at me. I took a step forward trying to get him to look at me but he wouldn't. "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

I watched him walk out still wondering what happened. And the way he left. He did not say that he would talk to me tonight, like he usually did. Instead it was an 'I'll see you tomorrow' that he left me with. True to his word that night the electronic tablet didn't beep.

I could barely sit through dinner that night and hardly made any attempts at conversation. My father tried to get my attention but I was drifting into despair. It wasn't until my mother said something that caught my attention.

"Mrs. Mitchell said that Gregory has been speaking of you fondly lately," my mother repeated.

"I don't know why," I stated. I could care less about Gregory right now. Eric was deep on my mind.

"You two have been spending some time together," my mother reached over and held my father's hand on the table. "I was your age when your father and I started to enjoy one another's company. You are a little young to be courting though."

My head snapped out at this. "Gregory and I are not courting, mother," I said almost in an outburst. My father raised an eyebrow at me. "Forgive me. May I excused, Papa?" He nodded and allowed me to leave.

I did not think anything about the time that Gregory and I had spent together during the weekend or when we had done projects here or in Abnegation. It was comfortable talking to him but not nearly as fun or exciting as speaking to Eric is.

"Eric," I whispered into the darkness of my room. I tossed and turned thinking about our conversation earlier today. I couldn't even sleep. I was lying on bed staring at it even late into the night hoping and praying that Eric would send a communication request. Was Gregory the reason why he was upset with me?

The next day he didn't call in the morning either to tell me good morning or let me know his word or thought for the day. I fumbled through my morning chores and was so flustered by him not calling that I left the house with my clothing on inside out. I even tripped climbing into the carriage and had mud on half of my skirt. This day could not get any worse.

However when I saw him in school my heart leaped with relief to see him waiting for me.

"JoyAnna," Gregory said offering his hand. I smiled and was about to take it when I remembered Eric making a fuss about it. I held back and told him to go ahead without me. When I looked up to see the Erudite girls standing in line, something made sense to me.

I turned and gave Jack a goodbye kiss on the cheek. My brother smiled and nodded as I got out through the front which was easier because of the step. When I walked towards Eric, he didn't smile. We both stood in front of one another for a while.

"I'm sorry," we both blurted out at the same time. Eric gestured for me to go first.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I can see you why got upset with me," I commented.

"I wasn't upset with you," he replied.

"No, you were just upset that I was speaking about someone else while you and I are supposed to be spending time together," I teased giving him a smile. I was rewarded with the gentle tugging of his lips into his own smile. "For what it's worth," I smiled shyly not sure what brought on this boldness. "I rather spend time with you than anyone else."

Eric took my hand in his and pulled me close to him. "For what it's worth, I rather spend time with you above any other person, too. Forgive me for my behavior yesterday."

"You are forgiven," I said.

Eric and I had our moments. There were days when we did not touch hands, stand so close, or sit next to one another. But those days seemed to be forgotten especially when we would share little touches. About a month ago Eric and I were laying down in the meadow where we saw the colt and were looking up at the clouds that went by in the sky. Eric held my hand, fingers intertwined, the entire time.

Another day we were out by the river with our hands encased in the other's while sitting closely. We had watched the sunset that day with my head leaning on his shoulder. I thought I felt him kiss my hair but I did not bring it up. Instead I snuggled my head closer into him before he and I would have to leave our secluded paradise. Tomorrow would be another day.


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

"So," I nudged Eric as we were walking through the trees. "You really want to?"

"I do," Eric smiled at me.

"You still don't even know what I want to do," I teased.

"It's your birthday," Eric reminded. "If that is what you want, then that is what you'll get."

"But I want you to be okay with it," I said hooking my arm around his.

Today I turned fifteen years old. My parents held the ceremonial dinner for me last night with Jack and his fiancé. I had gotten a special breakfast not just yesterday morning but also this morning. I told my father that I wanted to spend the afternoon with a friend and he understood. Therefore, almost every celebration was held yesterday. Although tonight, my mother said she still wanted to give me something and I didn't object. Father told me not to. It was something that most daughters, Amity daughters that is, got around this age.

"I'm okay with it," Eric chuckled. "Really," he spun me in front so that we were facing each other. "I'd do anything for you."

Eric smiled just the way that I liked. Something about it just made me come alive. I don't know how else to explain it. Eric reached his hand out, barely caressing my cheek with his fingertips. Either way it made me lose my mind.

"After what you did for me, I want to make you happy."

His voice was so low and it literally made the afternoon air seem colder. It sent shivers through my body.

"To quote you," we both laughed. "It was your birthday," I reminded him taking a step back so I could retrieve some clarity. "You should feel special," I looked down.

I remembered that day so clearly. It was almost two months ago, a week after I felt him kiss my hair when we watched the sunset. Eric was in a mood and not just any mood, the type where even I was wary of being around him. He didn't pass me any notes that day, he didn't glance my way during class when something unusual happened, nor did he come to the library.

Eric still waited for me after school and walked towards the Amity forest line. I decided to shrug it off and started talking about the things that happened, hoping that he would return to his usual talkative self with me.

"It's my birthday," he suddenly said when we had found our way towards the open meadow.

"What," I turned around slowly.

"It's my birthday today. I am fifteen years old," he looked down.

In that moment, I was nothing but ecstatic. Birthdays in Amity were such a huge affair. The whole day was practically dedicated to that person. I mean everyone in the family basically catered to you.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"It's not a big deal," he replied.

"Not a big deal," I questioned. It's a huge deal.

"Birthdays aren't that big in Erudite," Eric commented. That didn't sound right. I looked at him confused as I remembered something my brother said.

"Are you sure about that? I think they do celebrate it because my brother Jordan asked for a pie from my mother for Nicole's birthday. He wanted her to taste a bit of Amity. From what I..."

"Fine," he huffed. I took a step back on instinct. This was getting scary. "Birthdays aren't big to my mother," Eric interrupted. "It is an accomplishment for many parents that their child has reached another year. However, my birthday," Eric shook his head. "It just happens to be the day that she bought me into this world and that's it." I could not only hear but feel the irritation in the way he spoke. How could his own mother not even wish him a 'happy birthday'?

"You got no buttery pancakes with strawberries on top this morning for breakfast?" Eric titled his head to the side as if he were confused. "No fresh squeezed orange juice or fresh mango slices served to you in bed?" He still looked at me like that was strange. "Please tell me that you got a cake? With candles and wishes? Presents," I offered as I went down the line. "What about singing songs and those..."

I trailed off when I realized that Eric got none of those things. Well if his mom wasn't going to do that, then I most certainly was.

"I got an idea," I said and took hold of his Erudite jacket.

"JoyAnna," he protested.

"Come on," I pulled him towards Amity.

"Where are we going? Are we actually going _in_ Amity?"

"Yes," I said excitedly. "I'm going to treat you to a real birthday!"

Of course he voiced concern about being in Amity during broad daylight. He started stating the rules about being caught inside another faction. He listed all the reasons why we shouldn't be doing this and all the consequences about such an action. We ran through the trees and finally broke through where I could see the Amity cottages awaiting our arrival. I was running through things I could get in my head as Eric continued to explain why this was a bad idea.

"Typical Erudite," I waved him off as we ran behind a barn. I stopped us so we could catch our breath. "You're overthinking it too much!"

"No, I'm not," Eric panted as he was hunched over. I walked up towards him.

"Stand up straighter," I pushed back his shoulders so his back was straight against the side of the barn. "That way air can flow through better," I ran my hand over his neck as I saw a quick intake of breath. A moment of just silence passed as we just stared at one another. My hand was still on Eric's neck. A noise in the barn made us pull away and I rubbed my hand nervously on the side of my skirt.

"What was that," Eric nodded to the barn.

"That was probably Giselle," I said and started walking.

"Giselle?"

"Mm hm," I mumbled my answer. "She's a deer, a fawn to be precise," I said.

"Amity has a deer?"

I turned around when I realized he had stopped. "It was caught outside the wall. The mother was shot down by one of the Dauntless guards. She was eating some of our fruit that we grow in the fields," I turned away. "She was just trying to feed her young."

"Were people present during the shooting?"

"It happened right before we entered the fields for the morning harvest. There was a trail of blood where the mother deer had ran through our field," I shook my head. That was the first time a lot of us children ever saw such a sight. "Johanna spoke with the captain of the Dauntless guards to make sure that they didn't kill another innocent life."

I looked up and Eric was right there. Immediately he pulled me into a hug. I don't know why I was grieving about the animal now. Earlier when I had saw the blood and dead mother dear with her fawn next to her, scared and defenseless, I had marched up to the Dauntless guards and started yelling at them. I was angry. Right now my emotions seem to have looked at the sadness of a young animal without a parent to care for it. Tears did not come and I feel like that had something to do with the young man who was holding me. It was a nice moment that we shared.

I had brought Eric inside to look at the baby deer. Across the way were horses. They were older mares. Eric was skittish around them at first, stating that this was the first time he had come so close to an animal. I pulled out one of the mares that happened to be the most docile out of them all. Eric wanted to see one up close. Together, we brushed her mane for a bit. I could see the awe and wonder as he looked at the magnificent animal.

"The young colt we saw a while back," I reminded him. "That was her last foal."

We both turned our heads when the front of the barn was opening. I ushered the mare back in and hurried with Eric out the back. He insisted that we should leave now but I told him that there was still so much more to show him.

"They're going to know that I'm not from here, JoyAnna," Eric said stopping us again from our running.

I looked him over and started to laugh. Once again teasing him that he was too Erudite. I insisted that we continue and if he had an issue with clothing, then we could take care of that. When he questioned how that was possible, I quickly rectified the situation and went to get a pair of pants along with a shirt that belonged to Jordan.

"This is your home," Eric asked as he stood awkwardly in the back doorway looking around. I could tell he was curious about it.

"You never been in an Amity home," I stated more than asked a question. Eric shook his head. "You want to explore it?" Eric turned to me and I smiled widely. I pulled him along and showed him the different rooms in the house, except my parents. His eyes were curious about everything he saw. I led him upstairs, saving my room for last. "Go and change," I pushed him inside.

I was not prepared for when he came back out. "Do I look okay," he asked.

I forgot how taller he was than me. Even though I wasn't that short now, I knew that in time he would grow even more. Boys usually had their spurt later on. Eric cleared his throat when I didn't answer.

"Erudite blue doesn't really do you justice," I said giving him a shy smile. "You're really handsome," I looked away, mentally kicking myself for being so stupid. Eric obviously didn't think so. His hand was placed under my chin to lift my head to him. He leaned in barely pressing his lips to my cheek causing a ragged breath to escape me.

"Thank you," he mumbled. We had stayed like that for a moment until I shook my head and led him back down. I put his clothing in my bag so he could have it after.

I went to the kitchen and no one seemed to care about the identity of the young man next to me. They all took him for another Amity dependent or probably a recent initiate who had become an Amity member. We visited all the fields and tasted all the different fruit that were in season. Almost every field we passed, he wanted to know more about it, the process of everything. I didn't think I had enjoyed Amity as much as I did today, showing it off to Eric.

I was also able to get him some really good baked goods. We climbed up into one of the trees and I put a candle on the slices of pie that we had. "Make a wish," I smiled at him.

Eric smiled and thought about it for a moment. He paused and looked over at me. "I wish..."

I quickly covered his mouth. "If you say it out loud it doesn't come true," I smiled. Eric pulled back and nodded.

He was quiet for another minute, before looking to me and smiled. He blew out the candle and we both laughed.

"Here," I said handing him his present.

"JoyAnna," he stated as if he was upset that I was giving him a gift. "You already let me see the animals I never saw before in my life, I ate fresh Amity fruit, I got to learn about the life here, you got me some really good pastries," he sighed. "I did not need a..."

"No, I insist," I told him. Eric slowly untied the string that I put around it and folded back the cloth. His lips slowly tugged into a smile. "It's a journal. I know that Erudite have technology, video recorders like our communicating glass," I looked away uncertain if he would appreciate it now. "But in Amity we don't really have that much technology. We use journals to capture our memories. You could," I looked up at him. "You could write your own story."

"I like it," he smiled up at me. "When did you..."

"I got it when we were at my house," I shrugged.

"It's perfect," he said looking down at the journal and running his hand over it. "I'll finally have something in Erudite that was once yours."

I apologized that I couldn't give him more for his birthday but he said that I had done so much already. We stayed in the trees a bit longer, talking about anything that came up. Unlike this morning, Eric had a lot to say. He spoke about how at times like this he missed his father and the discussions they had. Sitting up in another tree, I leaned on Eric's shoulder as we watched yet another sun set on the horizon.

"Thanks, JoyAnna," he said as we stood back by the tree line. It was already dark but I didn't really care. "You didn't have to but," he looked away. "I really enjoyed it."

"Of course," I shrugged.

"Why did you go through all of that for me," Eric asked.

I looked at him like he was crazy. "Seriously?" He nodded. "We always do outrageous things for birthdays in Amity. Part of me felt bad that no one in your family did anything or that all you're getting when you go home is more work. Today should be your day, what you want. You should be happy."

"And the other part of you," he took a step forward.

"I think you should know already by now Eric," I looked at him. "I want you to be happy because you make me happy. You're my friend, my only friend," I corrected. "It's what friends do."

"Is that what we are," he asked taking my hand in his. Something about the way he held it set my body on fire.

"Yes," I smiled and then dropped it. "Unless you don't want to be."

"I want to," he said softly. "I want to be your best friend," he looked down at our hands and then reached over with his other so as to hold both.

"Then that's my final gift to you for your birthday. I will be your best friend," I smiled up at him.

Eric leaned forward just a little and rested his forehead against mine. "Always?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"I like that gift the most." Eric looked down at our hands still keeping his head close to mine. "I like this too," he ran his thumb across the back on my hand.

"Me too," I looked up at him.

And I did like it, a little too much. I liked Eric's hand in mine so much that I didn't want to let go that night. Ever since Eric's birthday we seemed to hold hands on a regular basis. It didn't feel awkward anymore. It just was natural and right to be holding hands with him. I want to say that's why I remember Eric's birthday the most. Not just because we proclaimed ourselves to be the best of friends but that was the day we had come to some silent agreement that we would hold each other's hands at every possible moment that we could. We'd fiddle our fingers, trace patterns on the other's hands, or hold onto the other tightly giving reassuring squeezes throughout the day, under the table so no one would see.

"What are we doing for your birthday," he asked pulling me back to the present.

"I wanted to go swimming," I bit my bottom lip as his eyes widened. I turned to look away. "If you don't want to..."

"No," he shook his head. "It's just that I didn't bring any swimming apparel."

I tilted my head and then burst out laughing.

"What?"

"You are so Erudite," I finished laughing and shook my head. "Swimming apparel," I jested walking towards the river. For some reason right as I was about to slip off my Amity shirt I felt nervous. I usually didn't get this way before. I glanced back at Eric to see him looking at me as if he wasn't sure what I was about to do.

I turned around, licked my lips and quickly took off my outer shirt leaving the thin light yellow material on and then shimmied out of my skirt. I didn't hear any movement behind me. It was then that I realized the inappropriateness of it all. I was there in just my underwear and a light tank. I walked into the water slowly. When it was around my waist I turned to look at Eric.

"Come on in. It's..." I paused when I saw that he was standing there with blue boxers on. Eric and I locked eyes as he continued to walk forward. I saw him gulp uncertainly as the waters reached his knee. "Do you know how to swim?"

"No," he shook his head glancing around.

"It's okay," I went and took his hand, pulling him further in. "I won't let you drown yourself."

We stayed in the water level that reached our chests. I sunk down a little until the water rose to my neck, swimming around Eric as I talked to him about school. Eventually all the talk got his mind distracted and he had been able to relax. We were in the middle of a discussion when Eric pointed to something.

"What is that?"

I turned around to look but didn't see anything suspicious. "I don't see..."

A huge splash of water engulfed me. My hair was in front of my face and through the wet strands I could see Eric laughing. We started splashing around. I swam into deeper water knowing Eric couldn't get me out there but I didn't expect his next move. Eric got out of the water and I tried to ignore the fact that he looked appealing to me. Since when did Eric look appealing?

"Don't you dare," I warned him as he took a scoop of mud nearby the river.

"I didn't bring you a cake," he said with a wicked smirk, walking slowly back in the water. I tried to swim back. "So how about a birthday mud pie," he teased.

"Eric, don't you..." It was too late. Eric threw the mud and I was able to dodge some but not all of it. Mud was splattered on my face as I got out and ran after Eric. I couldn't believe that we were running around in our state. I had finally caught him and tackled him to the ground. "Erudite don't know how to run," I said as he was on his back in the mud and I hovered above him.

"Amity don't look at their surroundings," he replied before his hand came up and dumped a handful of mud on top of my hair.

I gasped and started grabbing my own mud too. We were both covered in mud and laughing when we were finally done. When we caught our breath, I pushed Eric back down on his back and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm all dirty now," I told him.

"Doesn't matter," he said resting his chin on top of my head and wrapping an arm around me. I felt content just being there. "You're still as beautiful as ever." That made me tense and I quickly got into a sitting position.

"I," I looked away. For some reason the way he said it, the way we were laying down, the fact that we had little clothing on, it all felt different. "I need to get cleaned up," I said before letting my thoughts run away with me.

My heart was beating wildly, my throat was dry, and my fingers were shaky as I rinsed myself off in the river. Eric did the same and quietly we waited until we were dry enough to start putting our clothing back on.

"Thanks Eric," I said as we headed back to the edge of the trees. "I had a lot of fun today."

"I have a present for you," he turned around to face me.

"You didn't have to," I shook my head.

"Please, JoyAnna," he whispered.

Eric took a couple more steps in my direction. It felt beautiful the way he was looking at me. I took a step back, not because I was scared but because I was nervous. Like I said it was a beautiful but _different_ look in his eyes. I wasn't sure if he was frustrated or happy.

I finally decided to stop and swallowed a breath of air placing my hands behind my back. This was Eric. I don't know why I was making a big deal about it. I stood there as he came to stand in front of me.

"I like you, JoyAnna," he stated. Eric's head lowered and pressed a kiss to my shoulders. "I like you a lot," he moved his head to press another kiss to my left shoulder. "I don't understand my feelings," Eric's lips moved up my neck as I took in another breath. "All I know is that I don't want them to stop."

I had no idea what type of emotions were running through me either. I could feel his breath on my face when his hands held my arms. I had never felt this physically good and yet I was confused. What was going on? What was happening? This felt like a dream. He rested his chin against my head for a while holding me in his arms. I finally brought my hands from behind my back and placed them in front on his chest.

There was no sense in denying it anymore. Eric was my best friend, my only friend. At the same time he was a boy, a really fun, caring, and handsome boy. I didn't want my feelings for him to stop either. Eric's heart was beating so fast and I titled my head to look up at him.

"I like you too," I whispered.

Our bodies seem to come closer than I thought was possible. Eric's arm snaked around my waist, almost picking me up, while the other grabbed onto the back of my head gently. I swear all time had stopped for this one moment. There was no sound of the river a few feet away, no feeling of the breeze whirling through the trees above, or no faction separating the two of us.

I felt just like JoyAnna and he felt just like Eric, _my_ Eric. My eyes shuttered closed just as our lips touched. They brushed together for a moment that could have lasted an eternity. We had stayed in that position, until Eric pulled back and rubbed his thumb across my cheek. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with all the admiration, want and devotion that I thought anyone could ever possess for another. He pulled me back into him and when our lips met this time, it was confident and sure.

There was no Amity, there was no Erudite. There was just a boy and girl who shared their first kiss together.


	9. Chapter 9

**To all my JoyAnna (Ana) fans...  
We're putting together a casting call, I guess on which celebrity matches Ana the most and I want your opinion. My boyfriend and his friends had a field day with coming up with this. ****We have Bethany Mota, Victoria Justice, Danielle Campbell, or Sara Sampaio. My boyfriend posted their pics on the IG for this account... missalohahula. One of them is a Victoria's Secret model and originally he had a pic of her in of course none other than VS attire.  
Please send me a review, PM, or check it out on IG... Thank you**

 **I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

Eric and I were quiet this afternoon. Today was the last day of school. I had gotten so used to seeing him, talking to him, and holding hands with him almost on a daily basis that I wasn't sure what was going to happen during the two months there was no school. Of course there would be school for Eric still in Erudite and there would always be chores or volunteer projects for me to participate in at Amity. There were things to keep us busy but those things would not be with each other.

I felt a squeeze on my hand and turned to look at Eric who had been holding my hand as we walked towards the Amity border. "We'll get to speak to one another at night," he offered.

Although that was true I would miss our physical time spent together, just being in the other's presence was something that I looked forward to.

"JoyAnna," Eric stopped us and spun me to face him taking my other hand in his.

"I'll just miss these walks," I shrugged continuing to look down.

"I'll miss walking with you too."

"Our conversations won't be the same as they are right now."

"Yes they will. You and I will talk to one another every night. We'll speak about our day, what we saw, what we thought the other would enjoy," Eric listed. "Our friendship will never change."

"You sound so certain," I finally looked up and gave him a weak smile.

"I cannot speak for others but I know that I can control my own actions and I will ensure that I communicate to you as if we were standing here by our favorite tree, down by the river, or even in the school's library," Eric smiled, squeezing my hands bringing me closer to him. "When we see each other again it would be as if we were never apart."

"Do you promise," I said softly.

"I promise," he whispered.

Eric slowly dropped my hands and reached out with his fingers to my waist. I moved my hands slowly up his blue jacket to pull his arms further around me. When they finally found a comfortable spot on my lower back, my fingers ran over his constantly perfect ironed shirt to rest on his shoulders. My heart was beating so fast. It seemed like forever had gone by since the last time we kissed.

I had no idea if we would see one another during the break from school but one thing was certain I wanted to make sure that this moment would be on our minds throughout the two months we were apart. Our lips moved timidly at first on each other. The second one of his hands moved to the back of my head and gripped onto me tighter, the kissed deepened and I forgot that we would not see each other for a while after this. I forgot about everything was that was happening around us.

I felt like I was being swallowed and I couldn't breathe. My heart was beating so fast now like the hooves of a horse running in an open field. It was pounding so much that it made my body weak and my head spin. I made a noise I didn't recognize and it moved Eric to pull back a little. Perhaps I shouldn't have made that noise but I couldn't help it. I had never felt anything so... I cannot even describe it. I don't know the word.

My eyes opened to see Eric with a small smile on his face. He ran his thumb slowly over my lips before leaning in to press a ghost of a kiss to them. "Can I see you next week?"

I pulled back further but was still being held in Eric's arm that sat on my lower back. "What are you saying?"

"I want to see you next week, in person. I'll walk out here and we can meet to talk, spend time with one another, just as we are doing now," Eric suggested.

I don't know why I hadn't thought of that either. I looked up quickly and nodded. Eric wrapped his other arm around me and I slipped both arms around his neck. We smiled at each other before embracing one another tightly.

"We'll talk more tonight," he whispered against my neck. Eric pulled back and kissed my cheek. "Next week."

"Next week," I nodded kissing his cheek too before we let each other go and walked back towards our homes.

My heart had finally calmed but something about meeting Eric in the next week was still making it beat wildly. I had never thought a boy could do such a thing to me. It must be the age that I was at. My mother had told me that I was becoming a young woman and continued to say that every day since my fifteenth birthday.

When I went home, no one was there. My afternoon was going to be quiet. I had every intention of going outside to finish reading the fifth book in the series. Since I had resumed my friendship with Eric, reading had been on hold. However I was in such a good mood after Eric had asked to see him in a week and our goodbye kiss that I decided to clean up around the house.

I had swept through the house and dusted the rugs before I set my mind to the bedrooms. I had just finished washing the bed sheets and was getting ready to hang them when the communicator beeped in the pocket of my skirt. I couldn't help but smile when I accepted Eric's communication.

"Hey," I smiled when his face appeared.

Eric smiled back and then I saw him glance behind me. "You're outside? I thought you'd be in your room."

The blush that appeared on my face wasn't going to go away any time soon. No boy had ever come into my bedroom. My mother had explained to me how very inappropriate it would be to have someone of the opposite sex in my room, especially since I was now at courting age. However, Eric has not only been in my room but has seen it every night when we would communicate to one another.

"I'm doing chores before everyone gets home," I explained biting my bottom lip.

"I just got back to my mother's apartment," Eric replied as he set his communicator down and sat at their dining table.

He always called his home 'my mother's apartment'. Once he explained it to me and that was enough. I tried ever since then to cheer him up about it asking to show me various places throughout the apartment. Everything was shiny and full of glass or other white objects. I guess you could say it was a typical Erudite living quarter. No doubt it was quiet for him. It's probably why we could spend hours talking to each other.

"I haven't read in a while," I told him trying to change the subject as I saw him look around the empty apartment.

"We have been reading a lot in school," Eric turned back to me.

"No," I shook my head as I hung up the last sheet. "Remember the book series that you and I first discussed during the beginning of the school year?" Realization hit his face and he smiled. "I'm still in the same spot in book five."

"You'll probably finish that by the week since there's no school."

"I doubt it," I turned back to him and gathered the basket to bring back in the house. "My mother wants me to help out in the Amity kitchen during lunch hour. A lot of the Amity girls around my age start to," I rolled my eyes.

"Start to or have already done it," Eric questioned.

"They've been helping out in the kitchen and the gathering fields since the day after they turned fifteen. I," I paused and looked down. "I had my father defend me when I asked to focus on school rather than the other things my mother wanted."

"Why at this age?"

"They consider fifteen to be the beginning age of becoming a young adult I suppose," I answered unwilling to bring up the subject of courting. I couldn't fathom the thought of spending time with someone I did not like, enjoy meaningful conversation with, or made me feel the way Eric did.

"So they feel that serving lunch will help you transform into a better adult," Eric questioned.

"You learn duties that would be fitting of one who wants to manage a family and a household," I tried to dance around the topic.

"They're prepping you for marriage," he questioned almost in disbelief.

"Not really," I shrugged as I entered the back door and put away all the things I took out to clean.

"You're scared about it?"

I guess Eric could notice the shaking of my hand or the quietness that filled me. I sat down on the bench in the washroom and sighed looking over at the glass where Eric was staring back at me.

"My mother began courting my father at this age. I," I looked away and then back to Eric. "She was so happy when I had turned fifteen. You could see her sewing different dresses or skirts for me. She always wanted a daughter. After having three sons and I appeared she just couldn't wait to shove me into every little thing a sweet Amity girl should love."

Eric chuckled. "But you enjoy other things," he stated more so than questioned. He already knew the answer and the answer is yes.

"I do," I smiled. "I have a feeling that on days when I desire to be outside reading a book under a tree or in the forest, my mother would want me to be associating with the other young girls who are of courting age."

"Would you ever think about courting?"

"I'm home," Joshua announced yelling through the house before I got a chance to answer.

"I need to go. My family has just come home. I'll talk to you tonight?"

Eric nodded. "Tonight," he promised before ending the communication.

"JoyAnna," Joshua said walking into the washroom. "Where are mother and father?"

"They are not with you?"

"No, Jensen and I were at the stables. I wanted to ask them if Gregory could stay for dinner."

"Gregory," I exclaimed in shock. What was he doing in our house?

I walked out of the washroom to see him standing there. "Good afternoon, JoyAnna," Gregory smiled as Jensen walked up to him and handed him a cup of water. "Since your parents are not here, I will take a sip before leaving. I think it not proper that we be in one another's company without a chaperone present."

I couldn't help but look away, not to blush but to roll my eyes. Gregory wasn't that bad looking and he was very kind.

"Why would it be improper?"

I turned back to Joshua about to answer him but it was as if the day could not get any more uncomfortable for me. My mother and father walked in and agreed to have Gregory stay for dinner. I disliked the fact that my mother placed me to sit next to him. I even more so disliked it when Gregory volunteered to assist me in washing the dishes that night.

My father could sense my uneasiness in the situation and did not request that Gregory sit on the back porch with him as he did with my brothers. Instead he bid Gregory farewell and Gregory took his leave.

"Why did you not ask him to stay," Mother asked Father.

"It is late and the boy needed to go home."

"That boy is a young man," my mother replied as I grabbed Jensen's hand from walking back outside. If he went back there mother and father would cease their conversation and I sincerely hoped to know what was going on in my mother's head. "He may have been coming here for our daughter and..."

"Did you ask our daughter how she felt? JoyAnna looked uneasy to have him here."

"It's new to her. She only recently turned fifteen. She's just playing coy and modest like most girls do," Mother said.

"I will not do something that will make her uncomfortable."

I figured that was the end of the conversation and pushed Jensen to go forward. A few seconds later, after taking a breath I walked out as well and went to retrieve a sleeping Jimmy from my father's arms and took Joshua by the hand to go to bed. Was my mother attempting to set up a courtship between Gregory and me?

Before I went to sleep that night I was about ready to turn on the communicator to call Eric when my father knocked on my door.

"Songbird, are you awake?"

"Yes, Papa," I answered as he opened my door and came in. I pulled my knees to my chest as he grabbed my wooden chair from my desk and moved it towards the bed. "Did you need something?"

"I want to speak to you about young Gregory," he said.

"Papa I do not fancy him," I told my father quickly.

"Your mother has spoken to you about courtship, am I correct?" I nodded. "Are you leading this young man on?"

"I am afraid I do not understand," I replied.

"It is obvious that Gregory is interested in you, Songbird. He has that special smile on his face that all young men have when seeing a pretty girl. However, I have noticed that you do not lean much towards young Gregory Mitchell." My father raised an eyebrow at me and his lips twitched into a smile.

"He is kind enough I suppose."

"But that does not sway you at all does it?"

"No," I shook my head. "I want someone who is kind though, Papa. I just feel that I am not ready yet for courtship."

"Is that because there is another?"

I gulped and looked down. My father's arm reached over and he pulled my chin gently to look back at him.

"It is your friend that you spoke of last time, isn't it?" I bit my lip and nodded. "You said that you ended your friendship with him though because of different factions."

"Forgive me Papa," I mumbled. "I have been seeing him this whole time."

"We said that there would be no more secrets between us," my father warned.

"I know Papa. I just," I stopped and looked away from him and this time he let me. "You said that you would still love me all the same if I went to Erudite, if I learned more, if I studied more," I listed. "You said that I would always have a place in your heart even if I chose Erudite. Papa, I chose to be his friend because other than you and Jordan, he is the only one who accepts me the way that I am. He is the only one whose company I enjoy."

"Are you two courting?"

"No," I shook my head. "We," I paused and thought about it. Were we courting? No, we were not. Eric and I were going to speak about it earlier I could only assume before my brothers came home with Gregory. "We are best friends," I settled for knowing that was the last thing we declared one another to be.

"I understand that you enjoy his company and I am sure that in time if and when you do chose Erudite that you will become closer to this young man than you are now. However, I am still head of this house and you are still in Amity. I may allow you some leeway but I cannot have you gallivanting at all hours with this Erudite whom I have not met."

"I understand Papa."

"No more lying now JoyAnna Summers."

I did not enjoy when he said my full name, especially in that tone of voice. He let out a sigh as I nodded. Father was quiet for a while, probably contemplating what to do. I had lied this whole time about Eric. My father allowed me to learn, to study, to read, and to ask questions but not once did he say that I could continue to be friends with Eric. Something told me that he was going to tell me his judgment now and I feared the worst.

"I will not forbid this friendship."

I looked at him stunned.

"Although I should disprove, knowing that you've been sneaking off to see him. I should barricade you to the house but I know that you will just get out and sneak away again," my father finally smiled. "You are very much like your Aunts were," his smile widened. "They were very," he paused and shook his head. "Very untamed, to put it simply," he answered.

"It's not like I'm trying to buck against the rules here."

"I know, Songbird." My father leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "There should be punishment though and as such you must agree to whatever your mother is wishing for you to do during these two months."

"Papa," I almost protested.

But my father put up a hand to silence me. "If she wants you to sew more, cook with her, attend to kitchen duty with the other young women, train to become a midwife, or learn a new song then that is what you will do. That is your punishment for lying. You can still have your friendship with this other young man, Songbird. But I cannot see your actions to go by without any consequences."

"Yes Papa."

"It is best if you inform young Gregory that you have no intention of courting right now," my father said.

"Do I have to tell him," I pouted.

"You must. Two young men who seek the attention of the same young woman have ended in disastrous outcomes before. Although you may not like Gregory, it would be best not to hurt him further if you do not seek his affection."

"Would I not be hurting him by telling that I do not want to start courting now?"

"It would be far more painful if you drag it out, Songbird. One of the greatest weapons a woman has is her affection. A lot of men have lost themselves trying to attain it and a lot of women use it to manipulate, cheat, steal, and commit other violent acts." I gulped. My father reached forward and brushed my hair away. "I hope my daughter that you are not one of them."

My father kissed my forehead and whispered goodnight to me.

"Goodnight, Papa."

I smiled as he walked slowly to the door.

"Oh and Songbird," he paused as he opened it. "I heard voices from your room the other night. If you are speaking to your friend, it would be best if your mother or brothers did not find out, don't you think?" He winked before disappearing behind the door.

That was just in time too because the communicator under my pillow beeped.


	10. Chapter 10

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.  
All OCs are property of missalohahula. **

* * *

The next couple days passed and Eric and I spoke every night. I woke up one morning to see that Eric and I did not end the communication from the previous night and I was met with his sleeping face and a soft snore. I only blushed at the thought of it looking like we had slept together.

"Eric," I whispered.

He stirred but did not wake.

"Eric," I sang him name.

He put on a smile, rolling a bit to his side before sitting up and stretching. He then fell back down on the bed and moved his head over to look at me as his smile widened. "Good Morning."

"Good Morning," I replied.

"I don't know if I fell off to sleep first or if it was you. Either way, I'm glad I got to wake up next to you," Eric said in a deep voice.

My smile must have taken over my entire face as I looked back at him. "Then we should do this more often," I said.

We talked for a bit before we promised to continue our conversation tonight. There were two more days until we would see one another and he couldn't help but remind me of what was going on. Two more days until I would be holding his hand again. I couldn't wait. Per my punishment, I had agreed to work three days at the kitchen and one day in the nursing home out of the week. I had a free day today though and decided to take Joshua to see the animals. He was learning how to ride.

"Good Morning, Gus," I said to the animal caretaker as we entered the stable.

"Good Morning to you JoyAnna and young Joshua," Gus came out and knelt in front of Joshua. "You've grown since I last saw you."

"It's only been a month," Joshua protested.

"A lot can happen in a month," Gus said as he stood and smiled at me. "Gregory is here today helping me, why don't you go and fetch him for me out back?"

I didn't want to but smiled and went either way. I found Gregory with a baby...

"Is that what I think it is," I asked him as I stepped forward.

"JoyAnna," he smiled looking up from the baby wolf. "It's lovely to see you."

Yes there was no denying that Gregory did have that certain appeal that I knew girls my age would swoon over. Being that he worked at the stables he had a gentle and strong side to him. He moved on the bench and I took the seat next to him.

"He's precious," I nodded to the pup.

"My father and a few others found him by the Wall. His mother was, well the Dauntless guards there they..."

I touched Gregory's arm knowing full well what the Dauntless guards did. It was harsh what they did to the mother doe. After Johanna spoke to the captain of the guards that were posted there he assured her that they would not harm another animal. In this case though, the wolf had attacked first so there was just cause supposedly for killing the wolf.

She had a small litter of wolf pups. Gregory said there were three that were found. The other two had already fed for the morning.

"I heard about wolves," I told him.

"From school, no doubt," Gregory stated.

"Actually from a classmate," I smiled thinking about Eric. "Did you know that there was something they called a 'zoo' before the war. There were animals of all sorts there. Then when the war happened some of them were able to survive and grow in population here or around the City. Others were not so fortunate of course."

"You have a beautiful smile," Gregory said all of sudden. I turned to him and he looked down with a smile of his own as he pet the wolf pup. "I've seen it in school a lot lately, especially when you get an answer correct in class."

"I like to study."

"So I've noticed."

The bottle of milk that he was feeding the wolf pup went empty and he started to stroke its fur lulling it to sleep. I asked if I could pet it and he allowed me to. Silence passed before us before he asked how I knew all of that stuff about the zoo.

"Eric told me."

"Eric? Is that the baker's son's name?"

I shook my head. "You're thinking about Edric. No, Eric is a classmate from school."

"So he's from another faction?"

"Erudite," I answered.

"You are friends with an Erudite?"

"Yes," I nodded as we continued to pet the wolf.

"Why?"

"Why not," I shrugged. "He's been most helpful in school. There is hardly anyone else I can talk to that displays much significance in the area of knowledge."

"Is that what you desire? Knowledge?"

"No," I shook my head. "Someone that I can talk to I suppose. I have such different tastes than other girls here in Amity. It gets lonely without having someone to talk to," I admitted looking down. Before Gregory could say anything else, I stood up quickly and shook my head. "Thank you for listening. I did not think that I would have said as much, especially to you."

"No," Gregory stood and shuffled the wolf pup. "It's fine JoyAnna. I actually want to know the things that you enjoy," he smiled and looked down. "Besides I do not mind that you are different than the other girls. I like it."

I finally realized how bad of an idea it was to open up to him. I made my way back into the stables with Gregory following closely behind. Joshua saw the wolf pup and started to go insane with questions. As much as I wanted to leave, I couldn't deny my brother. So it was just as uncomfortable as it had been during dinner. Gregory did not leave my side as he answered all of Joshua's questions. We even ended up eating lunch there with Gregory and his father.

"Can Gregory come home with us?"

I looked at Joshua confused. "We can't bring Gregory home with us. He isn't an animal."

"No," Joshua shook his head. "What I meant was," he paused and looked down. "I don't know what I meant."

"I think your brother wanted to show the wolf pup to your parents," Gregory said.

"Oh," I looked to Joshua who nodded. "Well if that is alright with you Gus," I turned to Gregory's father hoping he would say no. Unfortunately he allowed Gregory to take the wolf pup with him.

On the way to our house he had set the wolf pup down to play and run with Joshua as he walked by my side. My mother invited him for dinner again and to my relief he declined saying that he had to get the puppy back. My mother assured him that the invitation would always be open and allowed me a couple more minutes to talk to Gregory on the front porch.

Thankfully he did not try to converse with me further and said he looked forward to seeing me tomorrow.

The next day I was glad that I was making my way to the kitchen with the other girls. I would not be seeing Gregory after all. My smile disappeared the second I arrived there. They were building new tables and benches throughout the dining hall and Gregory had volunteered to help them. That's what he meant yesterday when he said that he would be seeing me.

Jack was one of the people who were assisting in the tables and benches. As I saw some of them leaving after we had served lunch, I breathed a sigh of relief that Gregory would be leaving. I even volunteered to stay late so as to avoid contact with him.

Unfortunately a couple of the boys had returned. One of the boys came in the hopes of escorting Felicity home. I hated hearing the girls' conversations about the boys around here. Along with Felicity's intended escort there was Gregory. When the first wave of workers had left, Gregory was still there.

"Gregory has been smiling at you all day," said Serenity. "I heard that he escorted you home yesterday after you spent an entire day with him in the stables," she nudged me. I could tell that Serenity was hinting towards something but I shrugged it off.

"Joshua kept asking questions about the wolf pups that they found. Gregory obliged to answer them," I responded.

"Well it looks like he stayed here for you," said Serenity.

"I do not know why," I offered.

"You don't? I believe he wishes to escort you home."

"I am perfectly capable of finding my own way home," I said under my breath. "Perhaps he came here for someone else."

"We're about to find out right now," Serenity grabbed my arm pulling me up to stand next to her.

Sure enough there was Gregory walking towards us. The hopes that he had come here for another reason were dashed to pieces when I realized that only Serenity, another girl, along with myself were the ones left. He came here with a purpose and sure enough when he smiled at me it was apparent I was that purpose.

"Good afternoon to you all. It's a beautiful day, isn't it," Gregory asked.

"It is," Serenity agreed as she giggled. Gregory didn't bother responding. Instead he just turned to smile at me. Serenity gripped onto my arm. "So what brings you here this afternoon, Gregory?"

"I was hoping to escort JoyAnna home. That is if it is okay with you, JoyAnna," Gregory asked.

Before I could respond, Serenity and the other girl, probably Melody, nudged me into Gregory. He placed a hand on my elbow to steady me before crashing into him.

"She'd like that a lot," Serenity giggled.

I turned around to tell her that I had something to do for my brother, anything to get out of having to be alone with Gregory. But luck was not on my side at all. Serenity and the others were already walking down the lane towards their own homes. Gregory held out his arm for me to take. The look on his face was almost pleading and I couldn't bear to hurt him further.

"Thank you Gregory," I said softly, placing my hand on his elbow.

We walked towards my house with Gregory controlling majority of the conversation. I couldn't help but notice how he spoke about the various trees that lined the dirt road towards my house. He was attempting to sound intelligent and although most of what he stated was true, I really had no interest in the trees that he was pointing out to me. I have seen them every day for the past fifteen years of my life. I have climbed up majority of those trees, ate some of their fruit, and made wreaths out of branches and leaves.

I knew what he was trying to do. The other day we had spoken about Eric. He had gotten a little concerned when I was speaking about Eric. It wasn't as visible as Eric's frustration when I mentioned Gregory but it was there. Realizing that my father was correct, now this entire situation couldn't have been more uncomfortable for me.

When we arrived at my house I attempted to quickly relieve myself of his company but Gregory reached out and took my hand. He pulled it to his lips and pressed a kiss on the back of it. It felt like a part of me burned. It wasn't the burning sensation I felt with Eric. This was just wrong.

"I will see you tomorrow," Gregory smiled.

Pulling my hand back, I shook my head. "I have something to take care of tomorrow," I informed knowing full well that I was meeting Eric.

"Oh, is it important?"

"Yes it is," I said simply.

"May I be of some assistance to you tomorrow then?"

"I actually already have assistance," I answered and turned to walk up the path to my home.

"Is it that _Nose_?"

That was the first time I had ever heard something so close to an insult come out from anyone in Amity, let alone Gregory. I turned quickly around and marched back towards him.

"You don't call him that," I bit back.

"Forgive me JoyAnna. It was not my intent to make you upset," he apologized.

"It hurt Gregory. That is my friend you're talking about."

"You can't be friends with him JoyAnna. One day you'll realize that your place is here in Amity and not studying books or learning. That could be a reason why you don't get along with the other girls," Gregory replied.

"Leave."

"Excuse me?"

"You need to leave, Gregory. Thank you for walking me home. I appreciate it but I do not appreciate you insulting my friend or insulting me. You need to leave before I say something insulting towards you!"

I had no idea that my voice had risen until I saw my mother out on the porch. She had a wary eye on her face and was looking between Gregory and I. Gregory's face looked defeated.

"Honestly JoyAnna I meant no harm," he looked hurt. "Please forgive me and allow me to make it up to you. I truly did not wish to insult you."

It seemed like he did not want to argue and for some reason I immediately thought him weak. Eric would always come back with some remark and although our discussions got heated, I enjoyed that we challenged one another. Right now, it seemed though that Gregory was surrendering to me. Was he hoping to...

"I will leave you then, JoyAnna," Gregory bowed slightly. "I hope that you have a wonderful day tomorrow and I sincerely apologize for anything I have said. It was wrong of me. I should have been more of a gentleman, especially to you. You didn't deserve it."

My heart stopped a little at his apology but it quickly beat again as one of my fist clench at remembering that he still did insult Eric.

"Will you be staying for dinner tonight as well, Gregory," asked my mother who had taken a few steps towards us. She obviously did not hear that Gregory was leaving.

"No thank you, Mrs. Summers. I have to be going back to the stables. Thank you for the offer. Good day to you," he smiled at her and then turned back to me. "Good day to you JoyAnna."

"Good day to you Gregory," I gave him a small smile before looking down.

Gregory quickly turned and walked down the lane. I hurried past my mother and up into the house, ignoring her pleas for me to return to her. I rushed up the stairs and into my room, searching frantically through the box where I put Eric's letters along with the glass communicator.

"Come on, come on," I whispered looking at the communicator as it sent the request to Eric.

"JoyAnna," Eric came on and smiled at me. "The oddest thing occurred today and..."

"Can we meet?"

Eric's smile had dropped from his face and I could see the concern that he displayed now. "We're seeing one another tomorrow," he reminded.

"I know but I want to see you tonight, please," I pleaded.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just..."

"JoyAnna," my mother knocked on my door.

"Please Eric," I whispered.

Eric nodded. "I'll meet you by the river, give me an hour?"

My head nodded up and down. "I'll see you then." I ended the communication just in time to slip it under my pillow as my mother opened the door.

"JoyAnna what is the meaning of your yelling at poor Gregory? He looked sincerely saddened by your discussion."

"It was nothing, Mother. Just a small misunderstanding," I replied shuffling my feet to move the box back under my bed.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes," I nodded. "Mother may I please be excused from dinner this evening? I remembered that I wanted to see something with Serenity and," I paused. "Harmony or Melody," I offered. "Honestly I do not remember their names because they laugh too much and say silly things."

"JoyAnna," my mother scolded me.

I continued on with my lie. "I know that was cruel of me. But one of them invited me out to the peach orchard to watch the sun set."

"Oh," my mother smiled back at me. "That is," she paused but the smile remained. "That is wonderful JoyAnna. I knew that helping out in the Amity kitchen during lunch would help you socialize more. Of course you can go," she pulled me to a hug and kissed my forehead. "Have fun, my dear."

I felt guilt swell up in me as she disappeared from my room. My mother brought the lie thinking that I was finally making friends. I already did make a friend though and his name was Eric and right now I rather see him than spend any more time with the other dependents from Amity.

I gathered up my bag with a couple books, a few things that I had drew or wrote during the week, and then put in some fresh fruit before from the trees near our yard before I sprinted down the lane and through the rest of Amity towards the border.

The second I hit the trees, I pulled my skirt up a bit higher so that I could run faster. I ducked around low tree branches and continued towards the river. When I reached the river's edge, I collapsed and fell to my knees, gripping my blouse and trying to catch my breath.

"JoyAnna?"

I turned my head to see Eric standing there. I got up quickly, dropping my bag from my shoulder, ran to him, and wrapped my arms around him tightly. "I missed you."

Eric's arms came around my lower back almost immediately and gave me a single squeeze before pulling back. He ran a hand down my cheek and smiled. "I missed you more."

He leaned in and gave me the same ghost of a kiss that we had left each other with those few days ago. Eric was right. It was like we were never apart. I forgot about everything back in Amity, forgot about Gregory, my mother, Serenity and her friends, or even the chores that needed to be done as Eric rested his forehead against mine.


	11. Chapter 11

**Just to let you all know that yes there will be a whole lot of cute scenes or fluff as people call it these days. Most of my chapters that will begin this story will be cutesy and innocent. Both Eric and JoyAnna (or Ana) are fifteen years old. This is new to both of them, this feeling of being young, carefree, and well... into one another. Eventually we'll see them grow up and things will get complicated.**

 **Remember the first chapter of this story begins with JoyAnna in the future reminiscing about how she and Eric first met.**

 **With that being said I don't believe I plan to put in Eric's POV into this story. This is JoyAnna telling how she and Eric came to be and what led them up to the point of where she is in the beginning of this story, sleeping in Eric's arm somewhere. Where that is you'll just have to wait and see. I know you're all waiting for Eradicate but I still need more time to put down my thoughts. Thank you for your patience.**

 **I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

I was sitting on a lower hanging branch with my legs swinging as Eric stood next to me, feet planted on the ground with his elbows resting on the branch looking at something behind me. He didn't want to climb today with me. So I stayed somewhere low to the ground where we could be close to one another. Earlier I had been reading the ending of the fifth book to him, hurt and confused for my favorite characters. Now we sat or stood in silence.

It was comforting just to have him here. I think we would have said a lot to one another over the communicator but to actually see each other and know that the other was there was most enjoyable, at least for me it was.

"You still did not tell me why you were bothered yesterday," Eric commented.

I let out a small laugh causing Eric to look over. He held out his hands for mine and I allowed my hand to be encased in his.

"Someone was speaking poorly about you and I didn't appreciate it," I answered as his thumb started to move in a circular motion on my hand. I took my other hand and placed it on his then looked up into his eyes. "I hated that someone else had told me that you and I should not be friends. I know that it is true but I care about you too much."

Eric's lips turned into a small smile as he pulled out one of his hands from under mine and lifted it to my cheek.

"I care about you as well, JoyAnna. James warned me that our friendship was becoming too dangerous," Eric looked down.

"In a way James is correct. We're not really displaying loyalty to our faction, I suppose," I shrugged as Eric's hand left my cheek and then went back to our joined hands in my lap.

"You and I are still dependents in our birth faction. We actually do not belong into a faction until our choosing ceremony," Eric stated.

"Are you saying that I'm not Amity and you're not Erudite," I lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Not really," he shook his head. "Think about it though. You're not considered an actual member until you pass the faction's initiation process. During the first fifteen years of your life you are taught the standards of your birth faction. You are meant to conform to that sort of thinking. If you cannot conform then the aptitude test that we are going to take next year should validate the faction we do belong in. Do you get it," he smiled. "The faction you belong in," he repeated. "Right now we're dependents on a faction not in a faction. We don't belong anywhere until after we become members."

"Technically if we're dependents _on_ a certain faction then we still are part of that faction," I replied. "I'm still part of Amity the same you're still part of Erudite."

"But we're actually not members yet. So although we may be taught to act a certain way or associate with others belonging to our birth faction, they cannot necessarily penalize our actions that we take now as dependents."

"Our parents could," I corrected.

"That is true but look at the leaders in our faction. Have you ever seen a dependent become factionless because they didn't adhere to certain faction principles?" I looked away at Eric's question. "See, the only people who are made factionless are those who are already members and cannot live according to the standards or they are initiates who did not have what it took to become members."

I shook my head. "I was visited by Johanna Reyes once because of my blatant disregard for Amity principles. I used cruel words and it disrupted the peace."

"Is it because you were starting to affect others in the faction?"

"Just my parents I suppose."

"Someone else must have taken notice," Eric suggested.

"It could have been Serenity," I added. "It was after you and I were having our little," I paused and Eric smirked. "Discussion," I finished with a small innocent smile. I still was not going to say that we had gotten into arguments.

"I am sorry about that," Eric squeezed my hands. "I am sorry for making you frustrated, for the hurt feelings your family experienced, and for the trauma that you had to endure while under the peace serum."

"You are forgiven," I said. "Besides I don't even remember what we were discussing at the time. It is wrong to keep a record of every wrong that someone has done against us. That's similar to holding a grudge. Grudges can fester into hurtful things."

"Now you really do sound like an Amity."

I pushed Eric slightly making him chuckle. Eric came back to his previous position with our hands holding onto each other in my lap.

"What were we talking about again," Eric asked.

"Before you apologized and I forgave you?" He nodded. "I think it was that we're not really in our respective factions."

"And how did we get on that topic?"

"Because someone had told me and James had told you that it's wrong or dangerous for us to be friends since we belong in different factions," I answered.

"That's right," he smiled as if he finally remembered it all.

"We really do that a lot, don't we?"

Eric shrugged. "Communicating with you comes easily. I enjoy how we feed off of one another and go from topic to topic."

"Well, that's what I and the other person were talking about," I looked down. "I told them that it's more enjoyable to converse with you than the others in Amity. I feel that you and I have a connection," I shrugged.

"I know we have a connection," Eric concluded. I looked up at him and saw a small smile on his face. "JoyAnna, I don't see an Amity girl when I talk to you. I don't see the," he took a step back. "Pink blouse and deep red skirt," he examined my clothing for the first time. "I just see someone who I enjoy talking to, who likes literature the same as me, who can communicate about anything, who doesn't judge me," Eric listed. "I still believe what I said earlier that you and I aren't actually doing anything that could resemble faction disloyalty because we're not faction members yet. We're just JoyAnna and Eric."

"Is that you reasoning behind our friendship?"

Eric chuckled and then moved to stand right in front of me, my knees pressing against his chest as he rested his hands this time on either side of my body. "The reasoning behind our friendship is that we understand one another, like each other despite the fact that we have different views on certain matters, can make the other smile, and feel important whenever we're with one another."

"I make you feel important," I teased with a small smile on my lips.

"More than you know," Eric replied with a low voice. He leaned up towards my face, tilting his head and eyeing out my lips. Right when I felt his lips brush over mine, I put a hand on his chest to steady him.

"Eric," I whispered. "What are we doing?"

"What do you mean?"

I tried to look away but Eric reached out to hold my face to look at him. "I know that you said we don't belong in a faction yet but we're still sneaking around, still hiding our friendship. This isn't exactly the correct behavior."

"Since when have you been all for the correct behavior?"

"We're best friends now Eric but what's going to happen after next year when we are full-fledged members in our faction? We won't be able to friends then and it hurts to know that we'll have to move on, trying to forget our friendship."

"Who said that we'll be in different factions?" My eyes widened in shock. "At least," now he looked uncertain. "At least I thought that we were going to be in the same faction."

"You've thought about it?"

"Of course," he answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I figured with two brothers in Erudite, you being smarter than many of the kids in Erudite, the way you yearn for knowledge," Eric leaned his body against my legs. "I thought you'd defect to Erudite. Of course after you take your aptitude test," Eric finished.

"I thought about defecting too," I said softly trying to gauge Eric's reaction. It was of totally happiness. We both smiled and let out small laughs. "My dad has been getting visits from the school counselor. Miss Matthews even told him during my brother's visiting day that I was one of her brighter students," I bit my lip. "My dad said I'll always have a place in his heart no matter where I go."

"He is encouraging you to defect?"

I nodded. "So as you said I just need to wait for the aptitude test."

Eric pulled me off the branch, wrapping his arms around my waist and spinning me around in a hug. When he settled me down I was surprised that he gave me a hard kiss. "That means we can be together," he whispered as he pulled away.

I looked up at him as Eric stared back at me with a satisfied smile. There was a quiet peace right now. My heart was beating quickly as he leaned in and gave me a tender kiss this time. "We'll be together," I mumbled at thought.

"As best friends that is," he corrected taking a shy step back. Now Eric looked upset with himself.

"I'm not really sure best friends do certain things that you and I do."

Eric looked me over and then took my hand pulling me close to him. "And what is it that we do?"

"Well for starters we hold hands a lot. We've kissed a few times," I smiled looking down as I felt my cheeks burn. "I've seen a few other girls in Amity do the same thing but they consider that to be teasing, flirting, or even engaging in acts of courtship. I may not be Erudite but I think you and I are more than just 'best friends'."

"I am from Erudite and to be a little Candor as well, I know you and I behave in a manner that could be considered dating or courting as you put it," Eric smiled as he continued to hold me close. "I told you once before that I like you. I just," he paused and leaned his forehead against mine. "I was not sure if you and I would be this close after our choosing ceremony."

"You had the fear that I after we became full-fledged faction members that you and I would no longer be friends."

"I had made excuses for our friendship now but afterwards I was so scared," Eric pulled back and I looked up to see that there was fear in his eyes. "I let myself believe that we would be in the same faction, that things would be easier for you and me to continue on to in our relationship without anything stopping us. Just now when you said it, that you've been thinking about defecting and coming to Erudite, you have no idea how happy I am."

"Why did you not tell me before that you wanted me to come to Erudite?"

"Because I wanted you to choose for yourself not because you would feel bad for me," Eric pressed. "Now that I know that you've thought about defecting and about us being more than friends, I want to make it official," Eric stood a bit straighter.

"Official?"

"Yes, I want you to be my girlfriend."

"But I am already your friend and I am a girl," I corrected.

"No," Eric shook his head. It seemed he was at a loss for words. "It's a term or reference used to describe someone that you're romantically involved with."

"We are romantically involved," I raised an eyebrow. I understood what he meant but seeing Eric fumble with his thoughts was truly an entertaining sight. He prided himself on being the composed Erudite achiever and now I had him bumbling about.

"Yes, well no not exactly," Eric shook his head. It was rather cute to watch. I bit my lip and looked down to hide a laugh. An escaped giggled proved that it did not work. "JoyAnna, you are proving to be difficult right now. I know you know my meaning."

Another small giggle fell from my lips and I looked up to see Eric smiling. "I could not help but torture you a bit."

"Of course you couldn't," Eric teased.

"My mother says that sometimes girls play coy when they are the object of affection," I shrugged.

"What makes you think you're the object of my affection," Eric continued.

"You," I answered softly, trying to be flirty.

I gave him a slight nudge as he chuckled and brought his head to rest by my shoulder. I felt his lips brush against my neck as his arms wrapped around me. We stayed like this for a while in each other's arms. I knew that soon Eric would start getting taller. Boys usually had that late growth spurt. Although I was only an inch or two shorter than he, Eric and I were only fifteen. He would grow soon. I couldn't help but blush at the thought that I would need to tip toe to kiss him once that happened.

"You are serious," he mumbled. "About defecting I mean?"

"Yes," I answered as he pulled back and we looked at each other. "I think I could be happy there. And if you are there as well," I took his hand and held it to my chest. "Then I would be extremely pleased."

"That's good," Eric pulled our hands from my chest, kissed the back of my hand and then brought it to his chest. "Although I do not know for certain yet, I think that all the signs are there."

"What signs?"

"The signs that tell me that I may be in love with you."


	12. Chapter 12

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

It had been a couple weeks since Eric told me that he thought he was falling in love with me. I could see a different look in his eyes every now and then when we were together. It was like I was only thing that mattered, like he was looking at something or someone so beautiful or important. It was a reverential look if I ever saw one. It made my heart beat a little faster.

We had agreed to meet once a week, usually at the end of the week. Our secret meetings were not as long as I would have liked but we always made every moment count. Eric would steal kisses from me at the most unexpected moments. Usually when I was in the middle of conversation, Eric would stop us and lean in to give me a soft kiss. I'd smile but still hit his arm playfully when I realized what he just did.

Often in return I would tease him. I had been watching Felicity and Harmony do it and I tried to mimic the actions with Eric. However his response was not like the other Amity boys had reacted to the girls back at home. They would often give in and comply with whatever the girls wanted them to do. Instead of surrendering, Eric would tease me back just as equally.

It was challenging and different with Eric. I did not think that I would have enjoyed it as much if it was any other way than just the way Eric was. I often got irritated to see the other girls in Amity get all flirty and giggly whenever they were speaking about or around boys. I was truly a hypocrite now not for just repeating their actions but also liking it.

"I like your laugh," Eric smiled as our noses moved against the other. "It's cute."

"Stop," I tried to push him away but he held me close. "You're turning me into some silly Amity girl."

"Well you are a girl and your birth faction is Amity," he replied as we both shared a small laugh.

It got quiet after and we just stayed closely pressed up against each other. I knew that soon it was time to leave. It always got quiet when it was time to leave, like neither of us wanted to say the inevitable farewell.

"I always miss you JoyAnna. I know that we speak to each on the electronic tablet but it's not the same," Eric said.

"It isn't," I agreed.

Eric moved his head and I knew that we were going to kiss each other.

"JoyAnna."

Eric pulled away slightly and we looked up at one another with shocked expressions and wide eyes. I turned in Eric's embrace with one of his arms still wrapped around my body. I searched the landscape until I saw a small pair of eyes looking at me with a scared look. It was Joshua. His eyes looked from me to Eric's arm, up to Eric and then back to me.

"Joshee what are you doing this far out," I asked taking a caution step forward. I had a feeling that he did not come alone and I was right.

"We were taking the wolf pups for a walk." Gregory stepped out from behind a tree and looked over at me. I could tell that he was hurt but he was trying his best not to show it by lifting his chin higher.

"Does Mama know that you went to the barns today," I tore my eyes away from Gregory to look at Joshua.

"Does Mama know that you've been lying to her? Does Mama know that you're breaking the rules? Does Mama know that you're courting an Erudite?"

I felt guilt wash over me and not because I had been lying to my mother, sneaking away from chores to be with Eric. No it was because the look on my brother's face was the look of pure betrayal and disgust. This was Joshua. He was only twelve years old, yet he never looked as vulnerable before as he did right now.

"Joshee..."

"Don't," Joshua yelled before taking off and running back in the direction of Amity.

I took a few more steps away from Eric and towards Gregory.

"How dare you bring my brother out here," I accused.

"We were walking the wolf pups and got a little side tracked. How was I supposed to know that you would be out here with someone's tongue shoved down your throat," Gregory snapped back. This was the second time I had seen Gregory behave that way and say things irritably.

"How can you say that to me? I thought you and me..."

"Were friends," Gregory questioned. "I've been trying to be your friend JoyAnna. But all you seem to do is lead me on and then turn around and kiss the first guy that you think you can talk to. You're worse than Serenity!"

I could not believe what he was saying. It hurt just the tiniest bit that he was talking to me like this. Gregory truly was a decent guy and I knew deep down he didn't mean that. But right now he was upset. I wanted to say something that was going to ease the matter but I didn't know what.

"Don't talk to her like that," Eric moved to stand in front of me. "You can't accuse her of being loose, especially when you don't know her at all!"

That just made it worst.

"She's far beyond loose! You're not supposed to be touching her like that," Gregory told him. "That's improper behavior unless you're courting."

"Perhaps we are courting," Eric replied.

"You're not supposed to be. You should know better. Don't you all study the rules and stuff like that? And you JoyAnna," he glanced down towards where I was hiding behind Eric. "You are an Amity. You cannot be seen with the likes of him."

"The likes of me," Eric repeated. "What does that even mean?"

"I'm surprised you don't know, _Erudite_ ," Gregory crossed his arms.

This really did not look good at all. I could feel the anger from both of them growing. The situation was becoming heated and tense.

"You think I'm stupid?"

"No, you just called yourself that," Gregory fired back.

"Gregory, stop it," I told him.

Gregory eyed me out. "And you. How long have you been lying and carrying on this forbidden relationship?"

"That's none of your concern," Eric answered. Gregory and Eric stared at one another further. Finally Gregory huffed and I knew somehow that this was going to be the final blow to Eric's pride.

"Honestly JoyAnna, the way you talked about him, I would have thought he be someone who is highly intelligent. At least more intelligent than that rock over there," Gregory nodded over to a boulder. "And you're willing to be with someone dense as a boulder?"

Before I even knew what was happening, Eric had clenched a fist and threw an awkward punch towards Gregory's face.

"Eric," I screamed and grabbed onto his jacket sleeve to pull him back. "Stop," I got him to back off.

Gregory wasn't bleeding but there was a huge bruise on his face and it looked like Gregory was about to start crying. I wanted to say it served him right for talking to me and Eric like that but it was wrong to think that way. Maybe it was the shock of it all. Gregory probably did not think that Eric, an Erudite would use his fists to fight instead of his words.

It was then that I understood the immensity of the situation. Eric, an Erudite dependent, had just attacked Gregory, an Amity dependent. Usually Dauntless were the ones who got into fights. I could not see this ending well.

I threw my arms around Eric's waist. "You need to leave," I whispered trying to push him back.

"What," Eric looked at me with a panicked expression.

"You need to leave. You could get in so much trouble if they found out that you had attacked him."

"It was provoked," Eric lifted his arm and pointed to Gregory who was clutching his cheek. "Once I tell them..."

"Amity will see it as an act of violence on your part. They won't think that he provoked you. You need to go now."

"What about you? Won't you get in trouble, too?"

I took the hand he had punched Gregory with and noticed that there was redness on his fair skinned knuckles. I wondered briefly if he would end up with some blood spots later on. I leaned down and kissed his hand.

"I'll be okay," I smiled up at him. This was not the time to get all girly but for some reason I truly appreciated the fact that Eric was there and ready to come to my assistance. "I'll speak to you tonight," I assured him.

Eric grabbed my face with determination and roughly kissed me until I let out that same sound that I had made a couple times before. To my surprise Eric had did the same. It sounded more deep and dark. I guess the sound could only be described as passionate moaning and groaning. Eric pulled away and held my face with both his hands.

"You contact me as soon as possible, do you hear?"

I nodded. I turned at the sound of movement behind us. "Go," I slightly pushed him away as Eric stumbled a little before looking one last time at Gregory and then taking off.

"I'm sorry," I crouched down by Gregory and reached out my hand towards him.

Gregory pushed it away. "You could have told me JoyAnna," he said with anger and hurt in his eyes. "You could have told me."

We made it back to Amity. Both of us were quiet and didn't bother to look at each other. I did not feel bad anymore about Gregory getting punched. Walking back home in silence gave me a lot of time to think about what he said. I still could not fathom that someone like Gregory would have behaved in such a manner. He was basically taunting Eric. It was uncalled for and malicious of him to behave that way.

"JoyAnna," Gregory stopped just as we reached the pathway that led to my house. "Forgive me. I did not mean to belittle your Erudite like that."

"It hurt me far more than it hurt him, Gregory," I replied. "What would make you say such things? You're not like that."

"I do not know what came over me either."

Silence fell over us again as I shifted my weight from one foot to another.

"I guess I didn't like the way he was touching you," Gregory finally said. "I just," he shook his head. "I just thought that you and I would end up, I don't know," he turned away and started walking again.

Both Gregory and I were standing before Johanna and a few elders of Amity, older men and women. This was the second time that I had made such a spectacle of myself. My mother was trying to remain composed in the corner sitting next to my brothers but I could tell that she was grieving.

Gregory related the story of how he and Joshua stumbled upon me and an Erudite dependent engaging in misconduct. It would not have been such a shock if I was with an Amity boy that I had been courting. After all, Amity was open to affection. The fact that this boy was from Erudite did not sit well. When asked his name, neither I nor Gregory said it was Eric. I was a little surprised that Gregory did not name Eric immediately like I thought he would.

"So neither of you knows who this attacker was," asked Johanna.

Gregory looked at me and the corner of his lips twitched up. He was going to allow Eric to get away with it, but why?

"We cannot necessarily restrict Erudite from coming here," said Gabriel as they started to discuss matters.

"JoyAnna Summers this is very unbecoming behavior. Do you truly want a violent act to go unpunished," asked Johanna.

"It was my fault," Gregory stated. Why was he taking the blame? It was so different from his behavior earlier with Eric.

"You are saying that you provoked this attack?"

"Yes," Gregory answered which shocked his family and others who were present.

"No," I shook my head. "It is not Gregory's fault. I should not have been out there. It was wrong of me. I should be the one who get punished."

"Let us discuss this matter," Johanna said as she turned to the others who were sitting at the head table.

"I'm really sorry," Gregory whispered as he stood next to me.

"Why would you not give up Eric? I thought that you..."

"Because it was wrong of me to instigate the argument with him," Gregory answered. I wanted to see him hurt almost as much as the two of you had hurt me in that moment."

"Hurt you," I asked quietly. "How did we hurt you?"

"Do you really not know, JoyAnna," Gregory looked up at me.

I was about to respond when the Amity counselors cut off our quiet conversation.

No one on the counsel was to extend any sort of punishment today. They saw Gregory as a victim and as for the matter of him stating that he was the one who provoked Eric, they did not believe it. It was just as I suspected. Who would think that an Amity, especially a young gentleman like Gregory, would make such taunting statements? Gregory was forgiven.

As for my punishment for my associating with those who were not in Amity, Johanna gave me a rather 'serious' talking to. Although they took pleasure in the fact that I was extending friendship to others they did not like that I had behaved immorally. Friendship was one thing but romantic involvement was another. Johanna walked our family home and sat down with my parents to further discuss my behavior. It was agreed upon by Johanna and the others that my parents would handle my punishment.

My father was the one who started talking the second that Johanna left our home.

"I'm highly disappointed in you, Songbird. Did you even talk to Gregory like I told you to?"

"We haven't been associating with one another more than usual," I stated. "When I see him around in Amity, I extend a greeting and hold friendly conversation. I didn't think that..."

"JoyAnna Summers, I told you to let that boy know you weren't interested in him," my father counseled.

"Wait," my mother looked from my father and then to me. "You have been using Gregory? JoyAnna, I would have thought that we had raised you better than that. This whole time you made me believe that you were just being coy with him and for once I was glad that my daughter was not loose like the other girls I see flirting shamelessly with the boys. Yet you've been doing the same thing."

"No I haven't. I," I paused and looked down. "I didn't mean for it to look that way. I stopped going to the stables, Gregory stopped escorting me home," I responded. "Things between us had stopped to just mere pleasantries so I figured that..."

"Songbird when I told you to inform Gregory right away that you were not interested in him, you should have done it that instant. You allowed his affections for you to thrive and now you've hurt more than just him."

"I'm sorry."

"Not as sorry as you're going to be."

"Papa," I looked up as my bottom lip started to tremble. The stern look on my father's face was unmistakable though.

"You are not to see that Erudite boy for the rest of the Summer."

"Papa," I shouted. "No, please!"

"You will take on an extra day at the kitchen and an extra day at the nursing station. That leaves you with one free day which is to be spent here at home. The only time you are permitted to leave is if that is with your mother or brothers."

"That's a bit harsh, Jonah," my mother went to grab his arm but he moved away from her.

"I allowed you so much leeway in the past JoyAnna. But this, what happened today could have been avoided. Your behavior towards young Gregory is unacceptable. You were allowed friendship with the young Erudite, you were allowed reading and studying and those things that you wanted but not anymore. You brought violence to this home JoyAnna, subjected your brother to imprudent behavior and deceit, allowed Gregory to be attacked," my father stated. "I am strongly disappointed with you."

Tears were running down my cheek and falling from my chin. I had never cried so much in my life. My mother was crying too. By the way she looked at me I could tell that her tears were for me.

"Jonah," my mother tried once more. "Perhaps we should think this over and..."

My father walked out of the room and I started to cry out louder. I wrapped my arms around my stomach trying to curl up into a ball and disappear. Jack and Jensen had shuffled out of the room. I could tell that they were both no longer angry with me but instead felt sorry for me. Father never punished me to that extent. Nor was it just the level of my consequences that I had to endure but it was the tone in which he spoke, the anger that hung on every word. He never, and I mean _never_ said that he was disappointed with any of us, especially his Songbird. And I think that was what hurt the most. It was the fact that I had let my Father down.


	13. Chapter 13

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.  
All OC's are property of missalohahula.**

* * *

My heart broke slowly as the days went by. My father would smile softly at me when he would see me at the kitchen during lunch time and thank me for the wonderful meal I helped mother prepare for dinner when we were at home. Other than that he didn't express anything else to me. I did disappoint my father greatly and that truly did leave me heartbroken.

Two days had gone by before I accepted communication from Eric on the communication glass. The second his charming face came on I was reminded that I would not be seeing him in person for a while and started to cry.

"JoyAnna," Eric softly spoke. "Please do not cry."

"It hurts so much Eric," I replied as I wiped my face from the tears that flowed.

"JoyAnna." I turned back to Eric and saw him put on a small smile for me. "When can I see you again?"

"My father forbids me from seeing you," I sniffed. "I got assigned extra chores and volunteer work not just at home but also around Amity. I only have one free day and that is to be spent at home."

"Is that why you haven't been accepting my communication," Eric asked.

"It's not that I didn't want to Eric. My father has allowed little time for privacy," I explained.

"There's nothing you can do?"

I shook my head. "I guess I could wait it out. Jack told me that it was only a matter of time that my father would lessen my punishment. I really upset him Eric."

"This is my entire fault."

"No, it isn't," I sighed. "I should have," I paused. "I should have done something to prevent all of this."

"I'm surprised that my mother or my Aunt did not receive a call from Johanna Reyes about what happened," Eric admitted.

"Well," I moved my head. "I said that I did not know your name."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"I did not want you to get in trouble," I answered. "I wanted to shield you from the consequences of whatever punishment you were to receive in Erudite."

"Not being able to talk to you these past two days has been punishment enough," Eric nodded.

"I am truly sorry. I just have been so distressed lately."

"That feeling is also my punishment," Eric said. "It's punishment for my behavior. I kept running through the entire situation through my head. My anger could have been controlled. I just did not like that he belittled my intelligence like that or that he raised his voice to you."

"It was the first time I ever saw Gregory get so upset as well. As you can tell anger isn't something welcomed in Amity," I forced a smile as did Eric. "Gregory wouldn't name you, either. In fact, he didn't even tell the full story. He just stated that he feared for my safety."

"No doubt he had some ulterior motive," Eric scoffed.

"Eric, no one in Amity is manipulative."

"You all are not Candor, meaning that he could be trying to hide his true intentions," Eric repeated his previous claim.

"Gregory isn't like that."

"That's what you thought that afternoon as well and look at how wrong you were!"

I shied away from the glass at Eric raising his voice at me. It hurt. Eric must have noticed because he turned away and slouched back in his chair that he was sitting in. Silence passed between us and unlike every other moment of silence, this time it was unsettling and unnerving. I wanted to cry all over again.

"Forgive me," Eric finally said. "I am not angry with you. I'm just frustrated about the situation. JoyAnna," Eric said my name in a different tone, causing me to look at him bewildered at what he would bring up. "Do you think that Gregory likes you?"

I let out a huff and rolled my eyes. "I know he does."

"Do you," Eric cleared his throat. "Do you feel the same?"

"No," I shook my head. "I believed it was established that I like you," I raised my eyes slowly to Eric as he rewarded me with a smirk and that dark mischievous look in his eyes.

Eric chuckled. "Now I understand why Gregory behaved the way he did."

"Please enlighten me," I rested my arms on the kitchen table.

"You really do not know?"

I shook my head.

"I'm truly surprised at that. Do you remember when I got upset that day that you spoke about Gregory too much or even that you held his hand when you had come to school?"

"Yes, I remember."

"It was then that I realized that I liked you as more than just my friend, JoyAnna. I did not like the idea that another boy occupied your thoughts or that you were being touched by someone other than me. Gregory only behaved the way that he did because he likes you as well."

"My father told me that I would it hurt more if I did not tell Gregory right away that I was not interested in courting him," I admitted. "I did not think that Gregory would say those harsh things or provoke you into violence."

"You do forget yourself when you are in love," Eric told me.

"I should have done what my father told me to do instead of dragging it out. I wasn't thinking. This is all new to me. In essence this all could have been avoided if I just said something but I thought if I did that it would hurt his feelings," I said as I shook my head. I was not going to start feeling guilty for myself right now. "Wait," I looked back to Eric. "Did you just say that," I stopped and stared at him.

As if knowing what I was thinking, Eric put on a gentle smile. "Yes, I did say that and I am."

Another small wave of silence fell on the two of us as I sat in the kitchen.

"My mother told me on my birthday that I would know when I am in love. I have deep feelings for you Eric, more than anyone else. I know that I am happy whenever I see you. I live for moments when we are together, talking and holding hands. Reliving those moments in my head is sometimes all I need to get me through the day when I don't see you. I like that you make me think, you make me see, you make me feel. I like it more than I ought to. If that is love then I feel that for you as well."

A couple weeks had gone by where I listened to my father, did everything the way a perfect Amity daughter would and also did not see Eric in person.

It was not until Felicity had come running through the kitchen right before lunch one day babbling on about something that it caught my attention.

"Erudite is coming to Amity tomorrow night," she said happily.

"For what," asked Harmony.

"Their students are doing a study or something about, well about Amity. Miss Matthews are bringing a few of them to observe and we are to throw a feast for them later on that day," Felicity started to clap her hands.

"New guests and a feast," Melody started to twirl with Harmony.

"Isn't that delightful news, JoyAnna," Serenity turned to me all smiles.

"The best news of all," Felicity grabbed my hand before I could reply to Serenity. "Is that we are to have a dance at the feast and Daniel has already asked for me to dance with him first," she finished as the cheers and giddiness erupted through the flurry of girls that were working in the kitchen that day.

"Are you two courting now," Harmony asked.

"He is going to inform his mother tomorrow but I wanted all my friends to find out now," Felicity squeezed my hand that she was holding and let out a small scream.

There was much talk after that about courting and boys. Every once in a while, Serenity or Felicity would address me to keep me involved. I expressed delight in Felicity's courtship to her which made her cheerful, as if she needed more of it in her life. I also stated how joyful I was with the upcoming feast that we had all begun to prepare for. Thomas and Jack, along with a few others had brought in more produce from the harvest for tomorrow's activities.

Everyone seemed to be in an even happier mood than before. Hospitality was something that majority of Amity took delight in. The girls' cheerfulness had become too much for me to bear so when Jack came back a second time; I volunteered to assist his group instead.

The entire time my mind kept wondering back to Eric and thinking that maybe, just maybe he would be part of the students that were coming over tomorrow night. It made me just as giddy as the rest of the girls, if not more than. However, I had a better disposition at keeping my enthusiasm in check. I would reserve my excitement for Eric.

"I will see you later on tonight," Jack smiled at me.

"You are coming over for dinner," I asked. Ever since my situation, Jack scarcely came over. It made me feel all the more guilty that I had been keeping one of my mother's sons away from her presence.

"I have missed the family."

"I am sorry, Jack. It is my fault that you have been kept away," I looked down.

"No it is not, JoyAnna." Jack moved his hand to lift my chin as to look at him. "I had a slight disagreement with Father the day after," he admitted. "I felt like he had been too harsh on your punishment."

"I disappointed him," I confessed. "I behaved ill towards Gregory and that was not fair. The whole situation was my fault entirely. And even this," I looked at him. "It was my fault that Father and you had that disagreement."

"JoyAnna, you do take on too much. Guilt can eat away like a disease. It will lead to grief and possibly anger. It will fester until you commit an act of badness and we do not want that," Jack counseled. "You must learn to forgive yourself for what happened. And perhaps," Jack turned to look at someone.

I turned as well as saw that he was looking at Gregory.

"Perhaps you should make things right with Gregory first."

I nodded my acceptance of his advice before Jack pressed a kiss to my forehead.

Later on when everything was finished being prepared, we had been allowed to leave early. As it happened, Daniel had come to escort Felicity home. There was also an older boy who had just passed initiation who had come as well. He did not come to escort anyone in particular home so as it ended up he walked with the group of us.

Benjamin, as I had learned his name, came from Abnegation. He had never spoken much to girls while in Abnegation. Flirting was considered selfish. Melody called it restrictive not to display enjoyment in receiving attention from the opposite sex but it only made Benjamin chuckle.

I was the farthest away and after dropping Harmony off at her gate turned to Benjamin and said that I could walk the rest of my way home.

"I do not think it would be kind of me to let you do so," Benjamin smiled.

"Well I believe that you extended your kindness as far as possible today. You escorted four young ladies home this afternoon. There is no need for you to escort a fifth," I smiled.

"JoyAnna."

I turned to see Gregory walking my way. Well, in actuality he was jogging to catch up to us. "Good Afternoon Gregory." I turned back to Benjamin. "I do appreciate that you wanted to finish your task but Gregory is here and I do have something of great importance to discuss with him."

"Are the two of you courting? I was told by Oliver that you two were," Benjamin asked.

I shook my head but kept my smile. "I am with another," I answered as Benjamin nodded.

"I will be on my way then. Peace be with you, JoyAnna," Benjamin bowed before giving me a small hug.

"Peace be with you, Benjamin."

"Good Afternoon," Gregory smiled once he was in front of me.

"Good day to you, Gregory," Benjamin told him.

"You are leaving?"

"I am," Benjamin smiled and then turned to me with another smile before taking his leave.

"He is a pleasant fellow," Gregory remarked. "He is finally socializing further with others beyond his age group. I believe he will do well here in Amity."

"I believe so as well," I replied as we continued walking.

"Did you hear about the feast tomorrow night?"

"I did," I nodded.

"Is your Erudite friend coming?"

"I am not certain. I have not been allowed to see or speak to him since our last encounter." That was not a total lie. My father did say that I was not permitted to but no one knew that I had been communicating to Eric at night and I wanted to keep it that way.

"Are you still upset with me about what happened that day?"

I shook my head. "No Gregory I am no longer upset with you." Gregory's smiled widened. "However, I must let you know that although I like you as a friend and view you as nothing more than that, I am in love with that Erudite and I fear I do not have enough love in me to share with you also."

"You plan to be with him, don't you? What I mean is that you plan on defecting to Erudite, just as your brothers did."

"That is my intention," I nodded.

Gregory forced a smile. "I will not lie. This does pain me to know that you feel for him. But at least I know that my feelings for you will not be returned," Gregory looked down.

"You are too kind Gregory. You are a nice young man, handsome with a great sense of cordiality that is warm and pleasing," I smiled as he did as well. "Believe me if it not were for my hunger to read or my yearning to see and hear new things, then you would be a great choice for any young lady to court."

"Thank you, JoyAnna."

"It was highly improper of me to not inform you sooner. I just wanted to spare you hurt feelings."

"What hurt more was seeing you in his arms, feeling as though you had betrayed me."

"I did not mean to lead you on."

"You did not. I let myself believe that there was hope when there was none. I hope that you and I can still remain friends," Gregory touched my cheek lightly and for once I did not shy away. "I thoroughly enjoy your companionship and I would hate to be ignored."

"I believe that friendship will be possible," I smiled.

"Again this does sadden me but I am happy that you are able to find joy and we have both come to an understanding in all this. Perhaps this will help me more so knowing that in the end you will leave," Gregory smiled.

"I hope so too, Gregory. If anyone deserves happiness in their life, it is you," I leaned in and kissed his cheek.

Gregory still escorted me home and upon arriving was invited to stay for dinner. Conversation seemed easier between the two of us since I had finally let him know that there were no romantic feelings on my end towards him. He appreciated my honesty and expressed his wishes for my future to be blessed. That night after having dinner with my family and Jack, I walked Gregory back out to the front gate as our conversation had fallen upon the various girls in Amity.

"What about Serenity," I suggested.

"Are you really trying to place Serenity upon me this quickly," Gregory chuckled.

"I only want my friend to find happiness," I replied making both of us laugh.

"She is beautiful to be sure but there is something lacking," he replied.

"Like what?" Gregory gave me a look that said not to push him but he still smiled nonetheless. "I am only trying to help," I said.

"You think I cannot do it on my own?"

"I never said that," we both laughed again. "You hardly ever notice any of the other girls here."

"That is because I have only ever noticed one girl here," he smiled softly at me. "As it stands right now," he stood taller. "I rather not think of another girl at the moment. I'd want to enjoy your friendship before you leave. Then perhaps I will be able to forget you then."

"Am I making it difficult by being your friend?"

"No," Gregory shook his head. "You are making it real." Gregory took my hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it before taking a step back. "Goodnight JoyAnna. I hope your Erudite comes tomorrow so that you may smile once again."

That night Eric and I talked for almost two hours on the communication. I asked if he would be among the students who were coming here and he said that he was. Apparently, Miss Matthews had been planning on the trip for the entire week. Eric's name was put on the list rather last minute. That is why he did not want to say anything to me just in case he did not come.

Eric wanted to contact me the second his mother and Miss Matthews approved of his request to come to Amity. He was so distracted with the thought of seeing me that he miscalculated something in one of the labs and it ended up in a small explosion. Then of course he was also worrying about seeing my family and what they would think of him. That caused him to misread a sentence on an instruction manual and a message came out over the entire class that had no sound.

"I wish I could have seen it," I laughed.

"I was heartily embarrassed. Although I think I will embarrass myself further tomorrow. Will you show me how to dance," Eric asked.

"Of course I will," I smiled.

"Enough about my day, how was yours?"

I told him everything that happened. I even included Felicity's announcement of her courtship and how she had included me among the other girls as her 'friend'. When telling him my experience with Gregory, Eric's smile faltered a little. It was not until I said that I informed Gregory that my heart belonged to _my_ Erudite boy that Eric smirked.

"That's how you can tell the difference between me and Gregory," said Eric.

"What do you mean?"

"He is willing to be your friend than not have you at all in his life, whereas I would never give you up," Eric smiled. "I'd never surrender to another, especially if it was your love that we were fighting over."


	14. Chapter 14

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

The day of the feast was a wonderful one. I had not seen Eric all day yet I knew that he was here. The students had not been assigned to tour places where I was, at least not when I had been there.

I had been escorted to the feast by Gregory. The night before, I informed Eric that he had requested a dance with me at the feast. Though at first Eric was apprehensive to the idea, he agreed as long as I would stay by him throughout the rest of the night.

And so that is what happened when the Erudite had entered the feast. The music was ever so lively and Gregory was spinning me around in the middle of other Amity youths. I was smiling and laughing for the first time in a while and noticed that both my parents were also enjoying themselves in dance.

All music almost ceased upon the Erudite entering and majority of the class that Miss Matthews bought with her were looking around and typing their observations down. A couple Erudite youths had stepped forward and requested to be taught the dance that we were engaging in, purely for educational purposes. It made me laugh and I wondered if I would turn that way too when I decided to make Erudite my home.

"May I," Eric walked up to Gregory and me.

Gregory looked a bit hurt that our time had ended but smiled and kissed my hand before letting Eric take me a few feet away.

"So you put your hand here," I informed Eric as he brought his hand to my waist and our other hands held one another. I put my free hand on his shoulder before taking a step. "And we move like this," my voice was soft as we started to dance.

It was a slower song that had come on and I was glad that I had this moment to share with Eric. He truly did not know how to dance but I enjoyed being able to enjoy his closeness out in public. I leaned in until I was resting my head on his chest.

"I hate your jacket," I told Eric who chuckled.

I felt him press a kiss into my hair before both of us sighed. We had been kept away from one another for too long. Even when the music had picked up pace, I did not prance about as I had done with Gregory. Instead I was slowly taking my time having Eric by my side. We laughed at any misstep he had taken. It was nice to be with him and yet not to have anything like our factions separating us. Again, I wondered if we would be like this once I chose Erudite.

Neither of us were aware of the small audience we had gathered in my parents and Miss Matthews. Other students were interacting with the Amity youth, yet true to my promise to Eric, we only left one another's company once more during that evening. Benjamin had asked me to dance. Like Eric and the other Erudite students, Benjamin was unfamiliar with Amity customs, such as dancing.

"Is that a friend from school," Benjamin asked me politely nodding in Eric's direction.

"Yes," I smiled at Benjamin.

"Please be careful." I looked up and saw sincerity in his eyes. "You seem like a nice girl, a real one at that too. You don't hide your emotions behind false cheerfulness," he nodded around to Serenity and Harmony.

"Amity need to be happy and kind," I said looking down.

"It shouldn't be forced down one's throat through means of bread though," Benjamin said with a smile. It was not a hurtful statement. Rather it was an honest one and something told me that he knew he could say it to me. It made me laugh a little.

"I hear that you are going to be helping with deliveries into the City," I changed the subject.

"I am," he smiled.

"Do you miss it?" Benjamin looked at me with confusion at my question. "Do you miss Abnegation, I mean," I corrected. "Your family and friends are all there."

"I'm making some decent friends here," Benjamin replied. "This is where I belong."

I let out a sigh. I was not planning on telling him that I wanted to leave Amity to go Erudite with Eric. I still had not informed my father that Eric is my Erudite friend. Then again, I think from the looks that my parents were giving me they knew something.

Benjamin's thumb moved across my hand as if to break me out of my thoughts.

"Forgive me," I looked up at him. "I was thinking deeply about something. However," I smiled softly. "I'm glad you were able to find where you belong."

"You will too, one day," he encouraged.

When the song was over I was taken away by every one of my brothers, except Jimmy Bean. Dancing with Jack and Jensen were better. Although children who were Joshua's age were allowed into the feast, most of them played games. However, Joshua saw to it that he danced with me as well. After half a dance he got called away by his friends and he left me there. I was almost about to go away also until Jensen had come to save me. He was the one who brought me back to a table with some Amity and Erudite youths. Eric was sitting at that table with Joshua.

Joshua who had recognized Eric did not bring it up to our parents that it was him who had that altercation with Gregory, which I was grateful for. Instead Joshua decided to bombard Eric with questions about anything that he could think about. Although I wanted to pull Eric away from my brother and back over to the dance floor, I decided to rest. I was too happy that Eric was here to care about sore feet at the moment. I wanted to dance the night away yet I knew that could not happen.

Gregory, Benjamin, and Madeline, an Amity girl who was a year older than me, were also sitting at the table sharing in conversation with none other than James.

"Mr. Norrington," I nodded to him as he smiled and nodded to me before resuming his questions.

"So who exactly are you to my sister," asked Joshua as Eric coughed a bit while drinking his water.

Eric cleared his throat and looked at me questionably. I let out a sigh and turned to Joshua who smiled innocently.

"Are you two courting? If so, he did not ask Father for his blessing," Joshua reminded.

"Ask me for what exactly?"

The three of us turned to see my Dad standing there with a smile. "Papa," I stood up to greet him.

"May I join you kids?"

I gave a subtle look over at Eric who nodded once.

When my father had sat he held a short discussion with James and then turned his attention solely on Eric.

"So what is it that your father does, young Coulter," my father began to ask him.

"My father used to be an engineer," Eric said looking down a bit. I wanted to interrupt my dad but he started without me.

"Used to be," he questioned.

"Yes," Eric replied.

"What does he do now?"

"Rest," Eric finished. "My father passed away."

The look on my father's face went from the scrutinizing parent that he was to the concerned father I knew him to be. He expressed his sincere apologies and regrets for Eric's loss and despite that turned his and Eric's conversation on more positive matters regarding his father. I saw Eric put on a smile when my Dad understood something that Eric's father had done.

What had surprised me further was that Eric had made a joke regarding something his father had done and my Dad laughed at it. The both seemed to be getting along well until Miss Matthews announced that the training session was complete for her students. Johanna had a few carriages take them as far as the City's limits. Miss Matthews had arranged for other means of transportation to take the students back to their housing.

Fortunately, Jack had asked if I wanted to ride with him on the carriage. Gregory had also come. The downside to this was that Miss Matthews was highly organized and had separated Eric into another carriage from me.

A few Dauntless had also come out to make sure that our travels were safe, no doubt something that was done by Miss Matthews as well.

When we had dropped off the students, Gregory took my hand making me stand. "You have a few seconds to say your farewell before your brother departs back to Amity," Gregory whispered and pushed me towards the other horse drawn wagon.

I found Eric quickly who pulled me to the side. The second we were hidden, Eric cupped my face, pulled me to him, wrapping another arm around my waist and kissed me deeply.

"Will I be able to speak to you tonight," Eric mumbled against my lips.

"Yes," I answered a bit out of breath.

"I expect all assignments to be completed before you leave tonight," Miss Matthews announced.

I looked over and saw the Erudite dependents beginning to file into their vehicles. Eric pulled me further away and gave me a gentle kiss this time.

"I might be a while," he said before planting another soft kiss on my lips. "Until later," he gave me one more kiss and like that he was gone.

My name was called by Jack only a second later and I hurried over to the wagon. Gregory pulled me up and smiled as I settled between him and Jack. The ride back was a merry one. I had been the only female that was travelling with them and had been asked to sing a song for the journey back to Amity.

I began to sing and Gregory supplied the musical support by playing his guitar. A few lines into the song, Jack, Edric and Daniel who were in the wagon behind us also joined in. My voice continued to soar above theirs and Gregory smiled at the sight.

"It is a shame we don't have one of those recorders that the Erudite have," Edric had teased. "I think that was a very joyous moment."

"I know what you mean. I would have loved to capture it, especially since my sister was the one singing loudly. What has possessed you into such a happy spirit," Jack turned to me.

"A boy," Gregory answered for me as I quickly elbowed him.

 _He works hard_

 _Every day_  
 _I try and I try and I try_  
 _But everybody wants to put me down_  
 _They say I'm going' crazy_

Gregory smiled over at me encouraging me to start singing once again.

 _They say I got a lot of water in my brain_  
 _I got no common sense_  
 _I got nobody left to believe_  
 _Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah_  
 _Oh Lord_  
 _Somebody_

"Somebody," Gregory repeated.

"Somebody," we both sang at the same time.

"Can anybody find me," I loudly shouted standing up on the carriage, carrying the tune.

Jack, Edric, and Daniel joined Gregory and I for the last line.

"Somebody to love."

Jack pulled me down and we continued on singing all the way to Amity. Gregory had been right. I had no idea what had overcome me but this evening seeing Eric, having him in Amity, dancing under the stars with my parents watching us made everything perfect and oh so wonderful. When we had arrived back at the barn, Mr. Mitchell raised an eyebrow at us seeing that we were in an over exuberant mood but smiled at us.

"I remember what it was like to be that age," he patted his son on the shoulder and looked over at me. "Thank you for making my son smile lately, JoyAnna. He's been moping about for a while now."

I smiled as Gregory tried to hide his embarrassment. Daniel and Jack were going to assist in putting away the horses and carriages. Edric was attending to something with the other wagon that had come out to take the Erudite dependents back. Gregory was allowed the night off to escort me back home.

"I have a few minutes actually," I smiled at Gregory. "If you wanted to do something," I offered.

"Really," he looked at me excitedly.

"Of course," I replied.

"Won't Eric be upset that you're with me?"

"I explained to him that you and I are nothing but friends and I know that I have explained to you that Eric and I are romantically involved."

"Yes you have," he looked almost defeated but perked up at the idea that we could do something together. "I got it," Gregory smiled before pulling me along.

We ended up out in one of the fields nearby the barn where the horses were kept. They had just cut some grain and grass for the animals but had not bought it in yet. I had heard my father reprimanding Jordan and Jack about this field. This is where couples would usually hide out to kiss and other things, if the girls were daring enough. I shook my head and pulled Gregory back almost the same time as we heard a girl giggling.

"I still can't believe you haven't kissed anyone."

That girl was Serenity but who she was talking to I was not sure. A lot of boys in Amity enjoyed Serenity's company. Whoever she was with now did not seem to be one of those boys. Gregory pulled me towards the other side where we were sure no one was kissing or in each other's arms. The youths usually came here after feasts.

Some had come here at the young age of thirteen. This was my first night in this field and I am fifteen. From the look on Gregory's face it was his first night as well.

"I did not bring you here for that," Gregory said as he wiped his hands on his pants nervously. "I just wanted to talk. I know there won't be as much chance after next year," he looked down.

"Thanks Gregory," I said softly as he nodded.

"So," Gregory extended his hand as we sat down on top of one of the hay mounds. "You really want to defect to Erudite, too, just for a boy?"

"It's not just for a boy," I started to play with some of the grass. "I think that's why I'm different from other Amity girls. I think on my test, it will actually say Erudite. I have two brothers there. My father said that he had a sister who left here and went there as well. Having Eric there will just be a bonus."

Gregory nodded sadly.

"Oh no," I tried to playfully push him. "I'm not having one of my friends, well my only friend here, look sad. I will not have it."

It made him smile and chuckle a little. "Alright," Gregory conceded. "Just stop trying to set me up with other girls," he made me promise and I extended my hand which he shook.

"Do you think you'll do the same as your father?"

"Yes," he answered. "I like animals, working and caring for them," Gregory smiled and looked out towards the trees. "I want to see them all." Suddenly he turned to me. "Can you keep a secret?"

I bit my lip and nodded.

"I want to see the ones that are outside of the wall too. The ones that are miles and miles away from the City," he finished. "I know that there are more out there somewhere."

I never knew that Gregory had a sense of adventure but sitting there on the mound of hay overlooking the field and with the trees on the horizon I could see the excitement in his eyes.

"Maybe someday you will," I smiled as he turned to me.

"I hope so too."

We talked more and more about what our plans were for the future or the things that we wanted to accomplish. It was a beautiful conversation and soon Gregory and I found ourselves throwing grass and hay at one another. Somehow I was able to slide down the hay mound. I put a wheelbarrow where I knew he was coming down and sure enough he slid into the wheelbarrow and fell back against the hay.

I started to laugh as Gregory looked up at me with hay all over his hair. I saw his eye narrow briefly and got up quickly to run. Obviously I was not quick enough because Gregory was able to take a hold of my skirt and pull me back. I feel upon the hay as well in a quick motion causing some of it to fly up in the air. I pushed at his shoulder as he chuckled. We rested there on the hay staring up at the stars attempting to calm down from our laughter.

"I should have just done this earlier," Gregory smiled moving his head to look over at me.

"What do you mean," I propped my head up on my elbow.

"Even though, I still do like you, JoyAnna. I enjoy that we can be friends this easily. I should have asked to become your friend a long time ago instead of pining after you," admitted Gregory. "I will always treasure these moments, even after you leave," the smile from his face never left and it made me smile also.

Gregory escorted me back to my house and just in time. After washing up quickly in the wash room and going outside on the back porch for a short discussion with my father, the communicator began to beep when I entered my room.

"Eric," I smiled.

"JoyAnna," Eric replied. "I hope you were not waiting long."

I shook my head. "I had been with Gregory."

Eric's smile falter but he quickly recovered. "I am glad that no one said anything about what had transpired between Gregory and me."

"I had to be firm with Gregory that you and I are romantically involved. He understands and wishes for me to be happy. My father and I just spoke. Though I'm not totally forgiven for my actions, he has allowed you and I to spend time together," I hid a small laugh as I remembered that I jumped into my father's arm thanking him a dozen times before he had to remind me that everyone else in the house was asleep.

"I am glad," Eric said. "May I see you tomorrow then?"

"I'd love that," I answered.

The days had passed by quickly and soon weeks had disappeared into a whole month. Eric and I continued to grow in our feelings for one another. We met twice a week. I had even been able to go to Erudite three times. I ran into Miss Sanders and company who did not recognize me as the Amity girl who had been in their class or at the library with Eric. All the same they made my visits there unpleasant ones.

Once Jordan had found me out and was about to turn me in until Nicole insisted that she show me a few things if I was so determined that I would defect here as well. That was the same day that Eric had shown me his and his mother's apartment. I walked in with my borrowed Erudite blue pencil skirt and white shirt and cardigan.

Eric and I had been talking about school starting up again. It had been a long summer and in a week or so, we would be back in class.

"Gregory might have found a girlfriend," I said as my head was resting on Eric's shoulder. The City from Erudite's apartments looked so shiny. The afternoon sun was bright and it added to the warm feeling I got from being in Eric's arms.

"That's good for him," Eric kissed my forehead.

"I don't like her."

"Of course you don't," Eric chuckled.

"She called me dumb."

Eric's chuckles broke into a hearty laughter.

"I'm not joking," I pushed up from his mother's couch and playfully slapped him. "She told Gregory I'm as smart as a sack of potatoes. It was a cruel thing to say even for an Amity. It hurt my feelings."

"She's wrong you know," Eric said after finally calming down from his laughter. Eric pressed a kiss to my forehead. "That brain of yours is brilliant. It's one of the many things I like about you."

"One of," I questioned.

"Yes," Eric said pulling us into a seated position. "I like how your brown eyes light up when we see each other," he kissed my closed eyelids. "I like how cute your nose wrinkles when you're upset," he kissed my nose. "I like when your lips smile and whisper my name," a deep kiss as he pushed me to lie back on the couch. "Your neck, your skin," Eric gripped my waist as his mouth moved lowered.

A noise left my mouth as his hand moved my shirt up and he kissed the skin on my hip and slowly up to where the bottom of my bra lied. An intake of breath against my skin told me that Eric was experiencing the same type of desire. My cardigan had gotten taken off as Eric pulled my body up towards his and he started to suck harder on my skin.

"Eric," his name fell from my mouth with what was not protest but perhaps a sound of pleasure.

"JoyAnna," Eric kissed me deeply. Another noise left us both as his tongue slid past my lips and caressed my own. "JoyAnna," Eric said my name in a way that excited me beyond anything I ever knew before.

When it finally ended, I realized the most compromising position that we were in. Eric was on top of me, kissing me anywhere he wanted and I was letting him. My arms were either around his neck, pulling on his hair or running down his back. It was as I looked at him I realized something.

"I like many things about you too," I smiled up at him.

"Like what exactly?"

"Well, I would like it if you took this jacket off," I pulled at it as he chuckled. Eric sat up and took off his jacket slowly looking down at me. "I would like it if you kissed me again too."

Eric smirked before leaning down to capture my lips. He would break away only to kiss and suck lightly on my neck, my exposed shoulder and back down to my stomach where he had moved my shirt up slowly. Eric's shirt had gotten unbuttoned somewhere between our kissing and my shirt had been taken off completely, leaving me in my bra and skirt.

I had never experienced such a feeling before. So much pleasurable emotions ran through me, clouding my head. Eric and I almost made our way to his bedroom but stopped when my communicator started to beep. I had no idea what was going to happen had me made our way to his room but I was certain that my body had never reacted to this much passion or desire before.

"JoyAnna," Nicole's voice came over the communicator.

"Yes," I replied shakily trying to get the electronic glass from the kitchen counter.

"Eric's mother just left her office."

With that, Eric ran his hand slowly down my arm pressing a kiss to my neck before turning to get his shirt buttoned back up.


	15. Chapter 15

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

School had started back up and the classes weren't exactly awesome. In fact they had gotten somewhat daunting with schoolwork. Miss Matthews was no longer there but had informed several of my teachers about my potential. With that in mind the stress level of my schooling had drastically increased.

Eric had been with me through its entirety. We had grown closer, not just physically but also in mind. There were moments that he could understand my thoughts without anything ever being said. Then of course I could knowingly predict his actions before they were even done.

Of course as I mentioned the physical relationship between us grew as well. There were kisses and holding hands but nothing progressed further. I want to saw that it grew because we had kissed each other oftener and more openly. However it was still nothing close to what happened between him and me in his mother's apartment that day I visited him in Erudite. In fact that was the last time I went to Erudite. My brother Jordan told me that Eric's mother was someone not to be trifled with. Proof of that came one day while he was kissing me in the library.

"Symmetric shapes such as the circle, regular polygons and platonic solids held deep significance for many ancient philosophers and were investigated in detail before the time of Euclid. Symmetric patterns occur in nature and were artistically..."

I was cut off as Eric moved my hair and began kissing my neck. I took a step forward and away from Eric causing him to growl.

"As I was reading," I cleared my throat. "Symmetric patterns occur in nature and were artistically rendered in a multitude of forms, including the graphics of M. C. Escher. Nonetheless, it was not until the second half of 19th century that the unifying role of symmetry in foundations..." I paused in reading letting a moan leave my lips.

Yes, a moan. I had to read about it. Apparently both Eric and I were ignorant to the sounds that we could have each other make while we kissed. I did not wish to ask my mother yet. And from what I witnessed from some of the other Amity girls, kissing just made them giggle.

Eric had one arm wrapped tightly around my waist as he stood behind me and sucked harder on my neck. The book nearly fell from my hands when his other hand wrapped around me encasing me against him. He whispered my name as his head moved to the other side of my neck. It was then that the book fell causing a loud bang to echo through the aisles. It snapped me out what was going on and I turned in Eric's arms.

"I'm trying to study for that silly geometry test, Eric," I said but was quickly silenced as Eric's lips came pressing against mine.

Every time we would stop kissing, Eric would just go back to kissing and sucking on my neck or shoulder. He enjoyed it when I made the sounds that I did and I enjoyed it when he compelled those sounds from me. When that was done and he would return to kissing me I always tried to stop him, reminding him that we needed to study but for some odd reason whenever I picked up the book to begin reading, Eric would only kiss me again. It was obvious that there was going to be no further studying this afternoon.

"You're impossible you know that," I told him later on that night when we were both at home.

"I can't be impossible," he smiled back over the communicator. "I exist, therefore I am possible."

"You're such an Erudite," I teased.

"But I'm your Erudite," he continued to smile. I couldn't help but laugh. Eric opened his mouth to say something but was cut short.

"Eric?"

Both Eric and I looked at one another. Someone was in his apartment with him. That feminine voice did not sound like his mother though. "Just stay quiet," he whispered to me as I nodded. Eric moved the pillow over the communicator and turned to face whoever was there.

"Eric, there you are," the woman spoke. I started to panic because I realized who it was. It was none other than Miss Matthews, our former teacher and Erudite's current leader. "Your mother and I have found out some rather disturbing news."

"Disturbing," Eric asked.

"Yes, it is regards to you and a certain Amity dependent, kissing in the library at school."

Why would it concern Miss Matthews whether or not Eric was...

"How did you find out," questioned Eric.

"It was through your mother, of course. You should know that we both have our ways of getting information on you or that of the Amity dependent."

"She has a name."

"Of course she does. And I don't forget that I know her well enough. Though I may be fond of Miss Summers, my sister definitely is not," Miss Matthews commented.

Sister?

"You will watch your public displays of affection towards Miss Summer or your mother might not take so kindly to you or to her the next time around. And I do not like it when my baby sister is upset. Do I make myself clear nephew?"

Nephew?

"Yes ma'am."

After a couple minutes of silence, I assume that Miss Matthews had left because Eric moved the pillow and came back on the screen.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough," I said quietly and looked away. "Why did you not tell me that Miss Matthews was a relation to you?"

"I had planned on telling you, JoyAnna, honest," he replied. "I was going to wait until you came here to Erudite to tell you."

"Does it have anything to do with your mom?"

"Sadly, yes," Eric answered. "My mother wishes for me to marry Phoebe."

"Phoebe?"

"Our classmate, Miss Sanders," clarified Eric.

It was the girl who Eric had been chasing last year when we first met. "Your mother wouldn't like it if she found out you and I were secretly courting would she?" Eric shook his head. "My brother said that no one messes with her."

"My mother is just as formidable as my Aunt. She may not be able to touch you since you are in Amity. But she could very well ruin your brothers here."

"Would she do anything to you," I asked.

"Perhaps," Eric said.

"Maybe we shouldn't..."

"JoyAnna," Eric interrupted me in a stern voice. "I know that it will be a difficult battle to win over my Mother and that yes, she will give both of us a hard time but I intend to stay with you. There is nothing that brings me more happiness than your friendship, your smile, your kisses, and your mind."

Eric and I spent the rest of the night talking and eventually we both fell off to sleep with the communicator on. I woke up to see his beautiful face lightly snoring and couldn't help but smile. The smile faded over the days. Miss Sanders had been a growing presence in Eric's company, forcing him to spend more time with his Erudite classmates. We continued to meet as much as possible, during lunch and after school. During classes he and I often did our best to sit close to one another.

About another couple weeks of this went by until Eric couldn't take it anymore and ripped himself away from his companions to spend the day with me as he always did.

"Your mother," I whispered when he sat next to me in the library.

"I do not care," was his answer and that was all we spoke on the subject.

Seeing Eric's mother's reaction to our courtship was something he did not allow for me. Apparently he told his mother the day before and said that he wanted to be granted this one thing in his life and so it was. That helped me to finally come clean with my parents and admit that I was courting an Erudite dependent. Mother was distressed at first but my father only smiled and nodded.

A huge weight had been lifted off of our shoulders and now my parents knew that I would definitely be going to Erudite. The School's Counselors continued to inform my parents of my educational progress and my father had the utmost confidence in me excelling. He even attempted to contact Jordan and Jonathan to inform them of my scores, something they already knew. True to her word, Miss Matthews had been keeping an eye on me all along.

A couple weeks later another dent in my plan to defect came to light. Classes were difficult further into the year. I had found out that I had been given advanced material that many of the other Erudite dependents had, along with another kid from Abnegation. Besides Eric, James would also assist wherever he could. Another Erudite dependent boy name Caesar had also taken a liking to teaching me. Despite all of that, I was still stressed.

After leaving Eric, I came home and threw my book bag across my room and landed my body on my bed. I was so tired of hearing about the upcoming math exam.

"You're overthinking the projected scale," Eric said over the communicator.

The moment that I had left Eric at the Amity border, Eric called me and has been trying to calm me down ever since.

"I hate statistics," I stated as I threw my arm over my eyes and tried not to think about school. "I don't like numbers, period. They're too confusing."

"It's just one class," Eric assured me. "Besides you're going to be seeing a lot of numbers and statistics in Erudite when you come here."

"Maybe I'm not cut out to be Erudite," I blurted out without even thinking.

Eric and I had somewhat been talking about that a lot lately. I mean next year was our choosing year. It was bound to come up sooner since the time was creeping up on us. I noticed that Eric would bring the topic up more than I would. It's not that I didn't want to leave. I did.

It's just that now I was actually making friends with people at Amity. My relationship with Gregory was almost identical to that of Eric, minus the physical touches, romantic interests and desire. I had also grown close to Benjamin who had become an older brother of sorts. Madeline, who had taken an interest in Benjamin, also had come to associate with me more. She shared my views on matters. It was nice to have someone, who was female, to talk to. It had made things with my mother bearable.

"Do you really mean that," asked Eric.

There was sadness in his voice and when I lifted myself up to look over at the glass, there was also sadness on his face.

"I thought," Eric paused and looked down. "I thought we were going to be together."

"We are. It's just that," I stopped and shook my head. "It's so hard Eric. Obviously I'm not cut out to be Erudite."

"There's an initiation process to go through when you come here. Your brothers passed it. And know this JoyAnna, that I have faith in you. Wherever you have the smallest doubt, I will be there for you," Eric assured.

"Thank you Eric."

"JoyAnna, I mean it. I," he paused once more. "I want you here with me."

That was enough for me to endure all the lessons that were to be taught in school, anything that would assist me further in becoming just the right amount of Erudite so that I could belong there with Eric.

Months had gone by and we continued to meet one another after classes so that Eric could walk me home. Our topic of conversation had turned from that of goals we planned on accomplishing once we were both in Erudite.

As much as possible I tried to forget about that little incident that I had a couple months ago yet I knew it was still fresh in my mind. There were moments where I could tell he was thinking much about it too. One late afternoon, after we had kissing each other passionately, Eric broke away and leaned his forehead against mine. It was a moment to catch our breaths but I knew that Eric's mind was somewhere else when he began to speak.

"Please stay with me JoyAnna," he whispered.

Another moment had come up where we were in the library. I had been running rather late that day and couldn't get away from my schoolwork any quicker than I had planned. Upon entering I immediately searched out for Eric at our usual spot. He had just stood up, gathered his things and then began to leave.

"I'm sorry I'm late," I hurried quickly over to him.

"It doesn't matter," he replied. "I need to leave."

"Why? What is going on?"

"It's nothing, JoyAnna," he said walking out. I followed him out the door and down the hall. Eric was about leave the building entirely before he spun back around to face me. "Am I that forgettable, JoyAnna? Does our time together mean nothing to you?"

"It means everything to me, Eric. Why would you say such a thing?"

"You forgot to meet me here," he said.

"I told you that I was sorry. You wouldn't even let me explain. Professor Edmonds..."

Eric left before I could even finish. That night we had not spoken to one another on the communicator and after I had let my request to him sit unanswered for a couple hours, I decided to go to sleep. The next morning, he was there waiting for me to arrive.

I ran over to him as he caught me in his arms and we embraced one another tightly.

"You do know you mean so much to me, Eric," I whispered.

Eric pressed a kiss to my forehead. "So do you JoyAnna. Forgive me for being angry yesterday. I just thought that you..."

I pulled back enough to look up at him and silenced him with a small kiss. "I know what you were thinking and I would never do that to you."

My moment of indecisiveness had hurt him more than anything else. He had thought that I forgotten about not just meeting him but about everything that he had done for me. He thought I had abandoned him already. I blamed myself for the questionable looks that he gave me, the silence that began to fill our days or the doubt that began to seep in over time.

"JoyAnna," Gregory called my mind back to the present.

Today was the first day in a while that Eric could not spend the afternoon with me. Instead I had caught the wagon back to Amity and was currently drifting in thoughts about Eric as one of the wolf pups was tugging on the bottom of my skirt. They had gotten rather big and mischievous that Gus had begun locking them up. Other than Gus, only Gregory was allowed in. And because of that, Gregory had permitted me to go with him also.

"What is the matter," he asked as he shooed the growing pup away from my skirt. "Smoke has been whimpering trying to get your attention for the past five minutes. He nearly tore your skirt just now. Are you okay? Should I escort you home or find your brother?"

I smiled at him. "I am quite alright Gregory," I sighed. "I've just been thinking more and more about my decision to defect."

"You're thinking you made the decision too hastily?"

"Perhaps," I looked away. "I adore being with Eric. He sets me apart from everyone else and not in an out of place sort of way either. It's like I'm put on pedestal. He holds me in such esteem the way he treats me. It makes me feel cherished."

"An ideal courtship then," Gregory smiled. "If it is that way then what are you second guessing?"

"I do not know."

"Do you think that either his or your appeal for one another may decrease over time?"

I could not help but let out a small laugh. "I do not think so. There is much to keep me entertained with Eric, so much more that we both need to explore."

"Could it be because you are leaving your family," Gregory asked.

"I suppose that could be it," I concurred. "I know that Amity does is no place for me. I do not belong here. Every time that I feel out of place I have my family to fall back on. Not only that," I turned to Gregory. "But I have found friendship here. If I feel out of place in Erudite, what will I do then?"

"You'll have Eric, JoyAnna," answered Gregory. "You'll have each other to get through it."

Gregory leaned over and kissed my cheek. I smiled in reply and rested my head on his shoulder.

"You have a beautiful smile and an equally beautiful mind, JoyAnna. I know that your future will be bright."

"Thank you Gregory," I said as we continued to sit there in the stable.


	16. Chapter 16

**I do not own** **Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.  
**

* * *

Another visiting day had come around and our family made our way towards Erudite again. Though today was going to be devoted to my brothers and seeing them, I had hoped to see Eric. We had gone an entire week without him walking me home towards the Amity border. Though we communicated regularly at night, it wasn't the same.

Eric and I were not growing distant. That was not something that I wanted to admit. But every time after school when he said he had something to do, I could tell that he was hiding something. Later on at night he always deflected away from the subject and that left me yearning for him to be honest. My mind began to think that somehow Miss Sanders had gotten to him but I let it go.

Meeting with my brothers was a happy event as always.

"What news of courtship," Jordan asked me as I smiled briefly.

"He is from Erudite," my mother answered for me.

My mother, though upset at first, was forgiving on the matter. She was Amity after all. They had hoped to meet Eric and in truth I was wondering where he had been. Visiting day was half over when he finally graced my family with his presence. No one was more shocked than Jonathan.

"What are you doing here young Coulter?"

"I have come to meet your parents," Eric replied to Jonathan quickly before coming to my side and kissing my cheek. "Forgive me," he whispered before facing my father. "Mr. Summers, it is a pleasure to meet you," he extended his hand.

"There is no need for that," my mother again was the first to respond and stood up to embrace Eric. Eric hugged her awkwardly before turning back to my dad and greeting him with a handshake. "I hear that you and my daughter have several classes together," mother began.

"We do," Eric nodded.

"What is it that is your favorite field of study," my father was the next person to ask.

"Mechanics," Eric answered. "Or engineering," he tilted his head with a smile. "My father enjoyed working with his hands."

"We can see that you like working with yours."

We all turned to see Jonathan standing there crossing his arms. When no one asked him what he was talking about he pointed to Eric's hand that just so happened to be encased in the two of mine on settled on my lap. My father almost scolded Jonathan right there but Eric insisted that if it made my family uncomfortable then there was no need for physical contact. I pouted when he withdrew his hand but understood the need to respect my family.

There was more conversation about Eric and his family and whether or not they would have the pleasure of meeting his mother. My brother apparently inherited my mother's outspoken tendencies and quickly answered for Eric.

"She does not approve of Eric's courtship to JoyAnna," Jonathan answered.

"Why not," my mother asked as Eric turned to look at me before lowering his head.

"She just does not mother," I replied and looked to my father hoping to change the subject.

Quickly and much to my relief, my father did change the subject and it was away from Eric and I. He had requested to see something that Jordan was researching and made our way to Jordan's office. While everyone had gotten up, Eric took my hand again and led me towards his mother's apartment.

"My family will be looking for me," I told him.

"They'll know where you are," he said before we turned around the corner and he began kissing me. "I missed you," he mumbled against my lips before pulling me completely away from my family.

I had forgotten all about the past couple months of tension between us when we entered the apartment and he started to kiss me. I had wanted to talk about that desperately. We hadn't been sharing things openly with one another as we did before. My father had told me that it was just the pressure of being a young couple in two different factions and that in time things would work out. Was this our way of working it out? I sincerely hope not. But for now I let it go. I had missed the physical contact as well.

"Don't leave me, JoyAnna," he mumbled as his lips moved to my neck. "Don't leave me."

"Why would I," I sighed as he bit gently down on my skin.

"My Aunt," he shook his head pulling away from me. "She wants me to," he looked away.

"What does she want you to do," I pulled his face back to mine.

"It doesn't matter," he responded before pulling me towards his room.

Eric sat down on his bed as I came to stand between his legs. I leaned in to kiss him as he wrapped his hands around my waist. The kiss was gentle and slow and so very intoxicating. I climbed onto his lap adjusting my skirt so as to show too much. I don't know why, Eric had seen me before in just my underwear while we went swimming. But something told me that this was different.

I pulled away and began to fumble with the buttons on his shirt, slowly pushing it back to reveal his shoulders. They weren't as defined as some of the Amity who I had seen while they were working in the field but this was the first time I had been so closely intimate with someone like this. I ran my hands from his shoulders and down his arms as I felt his hands tug at my shirt too. I nodded before he pulled it off.

We were kissed once more as Eric rolled us over so that I was lying down on his bed. "JoyAnna," he mumbled against my lips.

His hand ran up my thigh and pulled it around his waist as he started to kiss down my chest. It tickled and made my body arch into him. I didn't know but one of my hands fists into his hair causing him to groan. I almost pulled back until he looked up at me.

"I'm yours," he whispered reached one hand to twist in my hair gently tugging on it. It made me excited and something told me that it had done the same to him.

"I'm yours," I repeated to him causing him to smile before kissing me again.

Every kiss, suck or light bite on my skin was driving me insane. I was moaning his name with every movement gripping onto his shoulders. When he kissed my stomach, he whispered my name and it was enough to make me pull him closer onto me. I loved the feeling of his bare chest moving on top of me yet something told me that this wasn't enough. Eric wanted more and so did I.

"Eric?"

Both Eric and I froze on his bed staring at one another, breathing heavily. His hand was just about to unclasp my bra and my legs were wrapped tightly around his waist.

"Eric," the voice persisted.

"It's my mother," he whispered as he lifted himself off of me.

I got up quickly and started to pull the skirt down. I had found my shirt and Eric had just started to button his shirt back up as his mother knocked on his bedroom door.

"Eric, are you home?"

"Yes," Eric answered.

"Good. We are needed at your Aunt's for dinner this evening. Please get ready right away."

"Of course," Eric went to the door and opened it to reveal his mother standing by the door. Her eyes quickly landed on me. Thankfully my hair was smoothed back in a braid and Eric was running his hand along his Erudite jacket looking official as ever. "Mother is my friend, Ana. She is the one that I have been telling you about."

I wondered at the name he had just given me. My name is JoyAnna and he always called me that. Something told me there was a reason why he changed it and despite me wanting to question him let it go.

"Ana," his mother stepped into his room. "I don't think we had ever met before," she said as she scanned my clothing.

I prayed that I had fixed myself up but according to the reassuring smile Eric gave me it seemed that way.

"I don't believe we have either," I responded. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Coulter."

"Is it?"

"Mother," Eric protested.

"No, its okay," I told him. "I've actually been longing to meet the mother of the boy that I am courting and not just because we are courting," I smiled at Eric and then turned back to his mom. "I have heard so much about your work in genetics. I read your paper on nature versus nurture and I must say that it proved to be a real eye opener on hereditary dysfunctions."

Eric's mother seemed impressed. If she didn't like me before then I was okay with that but now that we had met I was going to make her love me.

"Are you the same age as Eric?" I nodded. "Well, I never thought I would meet someone so young who would have understood my work. Will she be coming with us tonight," she turned to Eric.

"No, I'm afraid she cannot."

The answer did not please her and when she turned to me I quickly recovered.

"I am assisting my father in a communication problem the Dauntless are having," I lied. "He sometimes sits in to offer advice on how to communicate with tact to one another."

Another lie, I thought to myself. Gabriel was usually the one that they called for therapy sessions, if they needed it, not my father. It was an effective lie however because Mrs. Coulter let out a huff, which was very much unlike her.

"The Dauntless are an incapable faction. I hardly know how they function at all. Many of them are mindless brutes," she stated seeming to buy into my excuse. "Perhaps you can be invited over another night. I would love to hear a young woman's opinion on my work. You seem to be bright for your age and to also come from Amity."

"She's the Amity that has been excelling in school," Eric prompted.

"The one that Jeanine talks about so often as well," she turned to her as he nodded.

"My last name is Summers," I added hoping that would appease her. "Jonathan and Jordan Summers are my brothers."

"Well now," Eric's mother smiled. "Eric did not mention that. Your brother Jonathan shows true promise and is working closely with my sister. Not to mention that I've heard about your other brother's studies in child work. With all of that made known to me now I would love to see what a mind like yours can do." I smiled and looked down shyly. "There is no need for modesty here young one. We pride ourselves on excellence. A talented individual like yourself and yet you are wasting it by spending time with my son."

The look they both shared a look with one another told me that neither of them cared for the other the way a mother and son would. Something Eric had told me but I did not believe until this moment. Did she really just belittle her son in front of me?

"Every female is entitled to the satisfaction of her needs," I said causing Eric to break from his mom and look at me.

Eric's mother also turned to me and smiled.

"A quote from another one of my works," she looked approvingly at me.

"Like I said," I smiled back. "I am a real fan of the work that you do."

"I must make sure she gets back to her father before they leave and I will be there at dinner on time, mother," Eric said holding his arm out for me.

"Of course," she shook her head. "I had never met someone as fascinating and flattering as you, Miss Summers. It would be a pleasure to meet you again."

"Thank you," I bowed slightly. "I hope to see you again as well."

I smiled and gave a small wave to Mrs. Coulter before scurrying over to Eric as he led me out of the apartment over towards where Jordan's office was. My father was still there, obviously waiting for me. The rest of my family seemed to have disappeared.

"What was that," Eric turned to me with a smile.

"I figure I kiss up to her so she would approve of me," I shrugged.

"You were seeking my mother's approval?"

"Isn't that what is done when a couple are courting, they seek the parents' blessing," I asked as Eric nodded and then looked away. "I figured I start now so she wouldn't question us about the compromising position that we were in."

"Which she still did," Eric wrapped his arms around and held me close to him.

"I know. Are you okay," I looked at him as he nodded and dropped his head slightly. "She's stupid."

Eric started to chuckle. "She's one of the most brilliant people here in Erudite actually."

"I didn't mean that. Your mother doesn't see your potential and all that you have to offer," I told him. "There is so much more to you. There's someone deep inside that I know is just being held back by all of her own accomplishments. She's too high up on her own horse to notice the greatness that is in you. That's why I called her stupid."

Eric smiled and kissed me softly before we heard a throat clear itself nearby. We both turned to see Jordan and my father.

"Your mother left with your brothers," my father said. "I told them that I would wait for you."

I nodded.

"Is it alright if I walk JoyAnna home, Mr. Summers," asked Eric. "We'll be just behind you. I wanted to speak with her about something important."

I turned to my Dad and gave him my best sad face that I could muster causing Jordan to laugh at his side. My father relented and said that he expected me home before dark. To show that he was courteous, Eric and I walked with my father up to the Amity borderline and then told him his farewell there. Eric and my father shook hands before my father kissed my forehead and then headed home. Eric took my hand and walked me over to the spot where we watched the sun set for the first time.

"Come with me?"

"What," I asked as I picked up my head from his shoulder and stopped walking.

"My Aunt is making me go to Dauntless."

"I don't understand."

"For the choosing ceremony," he clarified.

"But," I took a step back dropping his hand. "We're going to be together in Erudite. You said that..."

"I know what I said Ana," he ran his hand over his head in frustration.

There it was again. "What's with the Ana?" Eric turned back to me. "You introduced me to your mother as Ana."

Eric smiled and shrugged. "I was told that sometimes couples come up with cute nicknames or pet names. I refer to you as 'my Ana' to my mother and my Aunt. JoyAnna seemed to be a bit too Amity and," Eric paused to look at me how he always looked at me. "You're not Amity. You're you," he smiled. "You're my smart friend who stood up to me and became my fun and daring best friend and now you're just, you're just Ana."

I took his hand and leaned up to kiss him. "I like it," I whispered as he cupped my cheek and pressed a firmer kiss to my lips.

"So you'll go with me," he whispered pulling back.

"I don't know, Eric. It's Dauntless," I reminded him. "Things are so different there. I don't even know if I would be able to make it."

"You will," he replied confidently. "We both will."

"You and I were supposed to be in Erudite together," I shook my head. "I may not be Amity but I do have a bit of Erudite in me and it's obvious that I should go there. I know a lot. You and I have been studying for months now. What was all of that for, Eric?"

"I know," he sighed. "I want us to be together, Ana. I don't want any of this different faction stuff," he waved his hand pointing off towards Amity. "But I just thought that I let you know that my Aunt is making me go to Dauntless. And I don't want to go without you."

"Why is she making you go to Dauntless?"

"It's complicated," he answered. I stared up at him causing him to shake his head. "I'll tell you what you need to know but its best if you knew little as possible."

"How can I make a decision if that's all that you'll tell me?"

"Please you just need to trust me. When we get there, I will tell you everything."

"Choosing ceremony isn't for another few months. We didn't even take the aptitude test," I argued.

"Regardless of what it says, my Aunt wants me in Dauntless."

"It sounds awkward that she would force you to do that," I told him.

"Just please come with me," Eric pleaded.

I let out a sigh and looked down at the ground, anywhere but at his eyes. In his eyes I could see him practically begging for me to follow him. In Erudite I had my brothers there to help me if I felt inferior. But who was at Dauntless? No one was at Dauntless. I didn't even think I could handle being in some dark building, half of it underground and away from the sun. Would I really be happy in Erudite with the constant studying? I was tired of studying now.

I hated to admit it but part of me was excited. It was definitely unknown territory to both me and Eric. It did have its certain appeal there. We could make our own lives there. Build our own names and reputations together. There would be nothing there in Dauntless. There would be no sun, no family, no singing, no Amity. There would only be me and Eric. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Okay," I responded. "I'll go with you."

"You will," he took both my hands in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze forcing me to look up at him.

"Yes I will," I answered letting out a nervous laugh. "I'll follow you wherever you go."

Eric kissed me again, moving my body back into a tree as we continued wrapped up in each other's arms.


	17. Chapter 17

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

Eric and I spent many days in the library at school just chatting away about anything and everything that came to our minds about Dauntless. We had walked around a bookshelf when Eric handed me a book on romance.

"Not really my usual read," I smiled at him.

"It's actually quite enthralling."

"Oh is it now, Mr. Coulter," I teased.

"Yes," he moved us so that I was pressed up against a book shelf. "There's a part in the story," Eric leaned down and kissed me. "Where the guy tells the girl that without her his life would mean nothing," Eric whispered as he pulled away.

"She must mean a great deal to this guy then," I said leaning back against the shelf.

"She does," Eric smiled closing the distance again and giving me a kiss.

The book was forgotten about as Eric moved his hands slowly up my waist and into my shirt. As it inched higher my breath hitched and I whimpered when his arm moved towards my back and pulled my body against his. I did not know which I would miss more, the kisses we shared in the Amity woods or the kisses in the City's school library. Each was different and felt unique. Each time it left me breathless. Each time it made him smile.

Some nights after dinner, Eric and I would still have so much more to talk about. He'd communicate on something new that he had read about. He had taken an active interest in the art of combat and reading up on various weapons since I had agreed with him to defect to Dauntless. Every fact he learned he shared with me. Then other times topics would change about the book series that he had me reading. Every time I picked up the book I got distracted with something that was happening and no matter how much I pleaded with him, he'd never tell me the ending.

Other nights no words passed between us. Tonight was one of those nights. I set the communicating glass down on the table next to my bed, resting my head against my pillow staring back at those piercing cloudy sky eyes. I still had not told him about that. How I felt the clouds formed in his eyes and made the color that I stared into every day. It made me feel silly. Eric would smile and once in a while his hand would reach out and touch the glass as though he were caressing my cheek. We'd stay like that forever, until we went to sleep.

I had just fallen off to sleep when I heard a door close downstairs. Papa had not come home for dinner that evening. He had to run deliveries to the City. He had been doing that a lot lately. I looked over to see Eric lightly snoring. I smiled before kicking back the blanket and hurrying down the stairs.

"Papa," I walked out to the back porch.

"What is wrong, Songbird," he smiled and held out an arm to call me to him.

"Nothing," I replied.

Father let out a sigh. "Don't tell me it's nothing when you've been standing there by the doorway looking frightened. Is something on your mind," he asked as I made my way over to his chair.

I knelt down by his feet, tucking my feet under me. "Eric wants to go to Dauntless."

"Do they have equipment that can foretell his aptitude," my father joked causing me to hold back my laughter.

"It would be like Erudite to do that," I smiled. "The plan was that I was going to go to Erudite."

"You are smart enough."

"Thank you Papa. But Eric wants to go to Dauntless now."

"And?"

"And he wants me to go with him," I answered.

My father leaned forward his chair and looked at me. "Songbird, it is your decision where you want to go. He cannot force you to go with him. Is that what is going on? Is he forcing you?"

I shook my head. "No, Papa. He actually didn't want to go without me." My father gave me a look. "His mother is making him go to Dauntless. For what reason, I still do not know. But he said that if I chose Erudite, then he would stay and endure all his mother's censure. But if I would be willing to go, then he would go."

"And you decided to go?"

I nodded.

"What is troubling you?"

"I heard you and Mother speak about the cruelty of traditions held at Dauntless," I began. "I do not want you or Mother to think poorly of me for my choices."

My father smiled. "Come here, Songbird," he motioned his two hands for me to stand. I stood and fell into my father's lap. "You really are getting too old for this," he chuckled.

"I thought I'd always be your little girl," I laughed.

My father kissed my forehead. "You will be, even after you have a few little girls of your own."

"A few, really Papa," I pulled back as he chuckled.

"Well maybe, you can never tell," he pinched my nose. "JoyAnna I want you to make the decision for yourself. Stop worrying about me and your mother. I told you this once and knowing me, I'll continue to tell you this for as long I live. I am proud of you and everything that you do, Songbird. You can do anything or go anywhere you want to as long as it is something you want to do and that it is where you will find happiness. I will always love you."

I smiled and hugged my father as he held me. "Thank you Papa."

"Now," he sighed as I pulled back. "I think we need to break the news to your Mother, don't you think?"

"Do we have to?"

Unfortunately my father did not want my mother to be blindsided on that day of the choosing ceremony. So sure enough he decided that he would tell her of my decision. That entire day, my brothers could tell something was up. I had skipped my afternoon walk with Eric in the Amity woods to come home quickly. I had prepared dinner, washed the clothing, picked fresh flowers for Mother and even dressed up in the recent dress that she had sewn for me. I had been polite and smiled throughout dinner. I even invited over a few guests, Gregory and Benjamin and of course Jack had come by with Hannah and Serenity.

"Pie and cookies," asked Jensen. "Really JoyAnna, what's going on?"

"Is this banana bread," asked Hannah.

"My mother's recipe," I smiled.

"Something is going on," Jack set his fork down staring at me.

"Mm," Hannah said. "This is delicious, Mrs. Summers. JoyAnna you did a great job."

"It's still warm and fresh too," said my father.

"Thank you."

"Honestly, what's going on," asked Jensen for the fifth time that night.

"I can't make a nice meal for my family out of the kindness of my heart because I want to," I said as I set a piece of pie on Gregory's plate.

"No not really," Gregory whispered as I subtly and hopefully softly kicked his leg under the table.

I had washed dishes and even volunteered to sing, with Serenity of all people. It was a fun evening. Even I had to admit that. The truth came out though once everyone had left. I had just put Jimmy Bean down to bed and said goodnight to Jensen and Joshua when I heard my father say that he wanted to speak to our mother.

"I don't want my baby girl going to Dauntless," my mother told me as I sat up on the top of the stairs listening to them in the living room. "She follows this boy around like he's some white knight rescuing her."

"He understands her," Papa replied.

"He's using her. JoyAnna may be smart in school but she is naive to the wiles of the opposite sex."

"The only reason you don't like him is because he's taking our Songbird away," my father said.

"And you agreed with her," she continued.

"Of course I agreed with her."

"You always do. I don't know why I asked."

"Come here Rainbow," my father called her and I could tell that were hugging.

For one, my mother was quiet and two, my father always called her his 'rainbow'. A rainbow, no matter how much you chase it, can never be caught. But he always said that he caught the most beautiful rainbow the day he married my mother. She was his treasure. I let out a sigh, thinking about Eric and hoped that in the years to come we would have that too. I heard a giggle and perked up, ready to leave the stair case should I get caught listening in on their conversation which obviously was leading to an intimate moment.

"She's my baby girl, Jonah. She's our only daughter. I don't want to lose her."

"I know," he replied. "You'll still have me, though."

I heard my mother let out a small laugh and I had to smile. He always had a way with calming her down. They were made for each other that way. I knew she could convincingly change my father's emotions too.

"Our Songbird," I heard my mother sigh. "She's meant to fly freely."

"Yes she is," he responded. "We've raised her well, Jubilee. She'll fly higher than we ever expected her to go. Meanwhile I'll have you and the kids. You all will have me, and JoyAnna will be happy to know that we support her."

"JoyAnna."

I immediately sat up on the staircase and turned for my room.

"I know you're listening young lady," my mother called again.

I sighed knowing that I would have to talk to her eventually. My father appeared by the bottom of the stairs and smiled. I walked down slowly and into the kitchen fiddling with the bottom of my shirt. My mother pulled me to her in a warm hug, which only a mother's arms could give.

"I love you, no matter where you fly to," she whispered. My eyes slowly started to cry as my father came up from behind to hug the two of us.

Time had flown by quickly. My mother and I had truly grown closer and most of it was due to my father. On some days he would finish his work early and pick up my mother and then walk with her in the woods. They would often find me and Eric and in turn that led to my mother and father walking me home. On these walks, my mother had slowly begun to inquire about my relationship with Eric and I honestly told her that we had not engaged in intercourse. Immediately she was relieved.

I had not known that sometimes my father would walk behind us so that my mother could speak to me alone. I had never had mother-daughter talks as much as other daughters but somehow my father knew that this is what both my mother and I needed.

"Your father is like that," she smiled as we walked ahead one day, noticing the same thing. "I'm glad that I found a man like your father. Perhaps you have found one too," my mother's smile turned to me.

"Perhaps I have," I replied thinking about Eric.

There was talk about my mother perhaps having another child. Jack had come over for dinner for the big announcement. He had ended up spitting out his dinner.

"Child number eight," he questioned looking at my parents.

"Eight is a good even number," Jensen nodded next to me.

"Maybe ten," Joshua suggested making Jack choke on his water.

"A dozen," I cried as my mother smiled. "What? You really want a dozen."

"Mother, please," Jack protested.

"Honey, you're an adult, twenty years old," she told Jack. "You're courting Hannah. Soon you'll be worried about how many children to have in your own family."

"Let us pray for Jack's future children," I teased leaning towards Jensen. Joshua was the one who burst out laughing. "Dear Lord please help those children to endure whatever teasing may come from Jack's naming them," I interlocked my hands and closed my eyes.

"I'll have you know that Wilhelmina is a beautiful name," Jack said as I opened my eyes and shook my head.

"Will a what," asked Joshua.

"Wilhelmina," Jack repeated.

"I'm going to call the girl Willa," I shrugged.

"Willow," Jensen stated as we started to laugh.

"That sounds cuter," I said.

"Well if the mother of my children agrees to it then I see nothing wrong with it. And it's a unique name for a unique child. She'll be unique because she'll be mine," Jack stated as I stuck out my tongue.

"She will be yours," my mother touched his hand.

"Thank you," he sat back and began to eat again.

We all started to laugh again.

"Well we're getting off topic," my father said. "What do you all think? Jensen, Joshua," he looked to them.

"What do you think JoyAnna," Jensen turned to me.

"To a dozen Summers," I said lifting my cup of water. "I know that any amount of children you two decide to have will be blessed immediately. They'll have such loving parents."

"Here, here," agreed Jensen as Joshua raised his cup too.

"A dozen, Ma, really," Jack asked.

She nodded her head happily.

"Dad," Jack turned to him.

"You'll learn this soon enough, son that a key to having a happy life is to have a happy wife," Dad turned to kiss our mom which made Joshua stick on his tongue in a disgusting fashion. "Your wife is your companion, your best friend," he smiled at our mother as she looked at him. "She is there to pick you up, keep you grounded, make you strong and make you weak," he almost growled as our mom shook her head and playfully hit him. "If your mother wants to have twelve children, I'll be with her every step of the way," he took our mother's hand and kissed the back of it.

I smiled and looked down. It was one of those moments you really wanted to treasure.

The aptitude testing and choosing ceremony was mere days away. It was literally sneaking up on us. I wandered the school library like I usually did with Eric by my side wondering where the school year went. It seemed to have gone by so quickly. James would stop by now and then with Eric because he wanted to discuss some things with me.

"Trivial matters really," Eric said as he kissed my forehead.

"Trivial, hardly," James stated as he showed me a group of papers.

I flipped through a couple pages before I gave it back to him. "Amity does not grow that plant."

"But imagine if they would," he stated.

"The oil from the bean on the flower causes hallucinations," I said.

James snapped his finger. "See the possibilities of manufacturing that oil into some sort of chemical agent would help with the fear serum," he replied.

"Fear serum," I questioned.

"Oh yes, Eric informed me that you two were planning on going to Dauntless and in order to convince him otherwise, I researched," James explained as he handed me a binder full of papers. "A few of the initiation process that happens at Dauntless and you might be surprised. That is a recent study that majority of the factionless come from Dauntless initiation," he continued as I turned to look at Eric who shrugged. "There is also..."

"Mr. Norrington," I interrupted him.

"Yes," he smiled.

"Are you trying to scare Eric into not going to Dauntless?"

"Perhaps," he nodded. "Now, I have something else here..."

"I'm guessing it failed and now you're moving on to me?"

"Yes," he nodded once more. "Again. Here is..."

"James," I put the binder down and turned to look at him.

James let out a sigh and stared off at the window behind us. "I thought you were coming to Erudite. You would be there with Eric. I," he paused and shook his head. "I don't have much associates there," he turned back to me. "I just wanted you two to be in Erudite with me."

I stepped forward and pulled James into a hug.

"What is she doing?"

"She's hugging you, you nerd," Eric teased.

"We'll miss you too," I said as James' arms wrapped around me.

Jensen and I were walking home from school that day. I guess he could tell that I was going to leave. This was the third time he had asked to walk me home. Eric was more than obliging to let me go and always whispered in my ear 'tonight' before we left each other. That's what I enjoyed the most, that for some reason we never got bored or tired of things to say to one another.

Jensen and I had taken a small detour after picking up Joshua and had gone down to the river where Eric and I would spend time together on some days. We were laughing and joking around, mostly about silly things that only we found delight in talking about.

"That's how you can tell that we're Summers," smiled Joshua.

"Because only we laugh at each other's jokes," asked Jensen.

"Only we talk about weird stuff," answered Joshua.

"See," Jensen nudged me. "Aren't you going to miss this?"

"You know then," I questioned.

"That you want to leave, yeah," he nodded. "I will miss you JoyAnna. I hope you'll be happy wherever you go."

"I'm happy here Jensen. I just feel that I belong somewhere else you know? We'll always be family though. I don't believe in that rule," I said causing him to smile.

"I don't believe in it either," he replied.

We had begun walking back, more like racing back to Amity. Of course Jensen went rolling down the hill laughing and screaming excitedly that he had won. Reluctantly I didn't want to give in and told him that we would have a rematch later on.

"Look, there's Papa's wagon," said Joshua.

Both Jensen and I looked up. It wasn't where it was supposed to be. In fact it was broken in the back and Gus was attempting to calm down the horse that usually pulled the wagon. I pushed through the stable doors and saw Gregory and a couple others helping his father.

"Gregory," I called as he turned around.

"JoyAnna," he shook his head. "You need to hurry home."

"Is that my father's wagon," I questioned.

Gregory wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. "Hurry home, JoyAnna."

Joshua, Jensen and I were hurrying towards our house. I was the first to walk in with Jensen closely behind me.

"What's going on," I asked seeing that everyone was quiet.

Jack was over the house and Hannah was there holding onto him tightly. Johanna Reyes along with a few of the elders in the community had even gathered. Mother's face looked like it was near tears and I couldn't believe that she looked truly disheartened at the moment. Jensen stood next to me looking just as confused.

"Mother," Joshua took a concerned step forward.

"Come and sit down," our mom ushered us in.

Slowly Joshua and Jensen went to sit down but I stood up and looked at everyone. "Where's Papa?"

"JoyAnna please come sit down," Mother insisted.

"Where's Papa," I asked again shaking my head. Everyone had sad faces on and it was dawning on me quicker than I would have liked. "Please tell me he's coming home. That he's just busy delivering cabbage to the City or something," I shook my head. "Mom?"

"I'm sorry, Songbird," she shook her head. "Papa isn't coming home."

"Until later, right," I questioned.

"JoyAnna," Jack pulled away from Hannah.

"No, he's coming home later tonight," I shook my head at Jack as he walked over. "He's coming home. He'll be sitting on the back porch like he is every time after dinner. He'll be home later tonight," I yelled.

"He won't JoyAnna," Jack stood in front of me. The tears started to run down my face. "Papa isn't coming home."

Jack wrapped me up in his arms before I could fall down to the ground.


	18. Chapter 18

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

"Mama," I walked out to the back porch.

The sudden inhale of a breath along with the hushed sniffles was the response I got. "Songbird," she said turning to me.

Though the night was dark, I could tell that she had been crying. My feet took me over to her slowly. She sat in father's chair, feet tucked up under her skirts as though she were snuggling into it. She held out one of her arms and put on a small smile. I knew she was trying to hide her pain.

It had taken my whole family by surprise when we had got the news of my father's passing. What didn't surprise us was that they had told us how he had died. Two Dauntless guards were arguing and my mother had gone to separate them, hoping that they could settle their differences aside. He was always the mediator in our family and with those whom he worked with. And though the first saw reason and thanked my father, apparently the second guard was furious that a farmer was telling him what to do and ended up throwing a punch. It was a hard blow to the head. The first guard identified the second and he would suffer the consequences from Dauntless' leadership.

Jensen had gone with Jack to see Dad's body. Johanna was going to take my mother in the following morning but mother declined on seeing father's body at all. I could only assume that it was because she did not want to see my father with blood or a cut or a bruise on him. She wanted to remember him smiling, laughing and holding out his arms to her, we all imagined it.

The past two days had gone by rather quickly. It had finally dawned on Joshua this morning when he hurried to the cabbage fields that Father was truly gone. He knew while we were at home and did everything to comply with Mother. But this morning had been different. On Thursdays he always went to the field in search of our father because the two of them would watch the sunrise. They found him an hour later huddled on the dirt crying.

His newly founded grief sent the house in a ruckus again. Mother could not calm him down for anything, not even her baking.

"I want father back," Joshua yelled.

Mother let out a deep sigh. "We all do," she said as she turned away from his room.

We didn't go to school today. Even Jimmy Bean had been crying. He cried every day and every night. I had just come from their room where I had been laying down with Joshua. I rocked him in my arms as he cried himself to sleep. And although Jimmy Bean cried, I sang him a lullaby as I usually did and he went straight to sleep.

It was odd to come out here and sit by my mother. I too climbed into the chair with her and buried my head in her arms. There was a soft sigh that left her and something told me that it had a lot to do with me coming outside to be with her.

"The first time I sat out on this porch was when your father had told me that I was his Rainbow," she said and something let me know that she was smiling. "He never got tired of telling me how much I meant to him. The truth is though, he meant so much to me," she moved me back to look me over, wiping the tears that I had already shed. "He meant so much to all of us, really."

My mother kissed my forehead and then pulled me back into her arms.

"Tell me your favorite memory."

I smiled as I tasted a tear on my lips. "One of them has got to be when Joshua was born. Jordan, Jensen and I all wanted to be the first to carry him. Jensen and I were still too young but Papa said that Jensen and I could be the first to look at him. It just so happened that when we did, Josh opened his eyes and smiled. He told us that Jensen and I smiled first too. And while he had three older children who cried, he would have his three babies who smiled."

Mother let out a small laugh. "He's right. You three were born smiling. Jack, whoo," mother let out a breath. "He screamed the most when he was born. He was such a grouchy baby."

"Jack, really," I started to laugh as my mother squeezed me.

"Don't tell him that I told you that."

"I won't," I moved my head to smile at my mother as she smiled back.

"Thank you JoyAnna," she ran a hand down my cheek. "You've been so helpful these past couple days. I don't know what I'd do without you." I smiled at her and nodded. My mother made a face and I looked at her confused.

"Mama, you okay?"

She smiled brightly and took my hand placing it on her stomach. "Your brother moved."

"Another brother," I shook my head.

"Your father called it," she said with a faint smile. "He always was right. He even knew you would be a girl," she held my hand on her as I barely felt a small movement. "Your father knew all of his children," she nodded as another tear fell.

"He will know Papa too," I rubbed her stomach talking about the baby.

"Yes," mother smiled. "Your brothers will tell him all about your Papa."

I couldn't help but noticed how she said that my brothers would do it and not me.

"Now," she leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "Get some rest you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow."

"Can I stay out here for a couple more minutes," I asked.

"Of course Songbird," mother pulled my head back to lean against her and we stayed there until I had fallen off to sleep.

The next morning was pretty calm compared to the day that it was before. I had my aptitude test today and the whole house knew it. Jack had even offered to walk us to school that day. Once we had gotten there, he pulled back and looked me dead in the eye. There was a mixture of father in him and I knew that he wanted to offer me words that our father would have told me today.

"I don't know how to do this," he admitted.

"Its okay, Jack," I leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I understand."

Jack pulled me into a warm hug before whispering in my ear that father would have been so proud. I went to my classes like usual. The days after my father passed, Gabriel had me and my siblings in another classroom just in case our emotions had gotten the better of us. But today we were back in the mix. I also had not seen Eric since that fateful day. He had been contacting me like crazy over the glass but I never answered.

"Ana."

I couldn't even form a smile on my lips when he called out the nickname he created for me. I only felt a surge of grief. Father had approved of my desire to transfer factions with Eric and yet now that he was gone, I felt guilty.

"Hey," he came to stand in front of me with that adorable look on his face. "What's wrong? I haven't seen you the past couple days."

"Eric, I have to tell you something," I took his hand in mine, locking our fingers together and dragging him down a hallway.

The second we were alone, I threw my arms around him as he pulled me tightly towards him. We stayed in that hallway hugging one another for a while. I had missed this, just being with Eric. I was about to say when he beat me to it.

"I've missed you," he mumbled in my hair causing me to sigh. "JoyAnna Summers," he pulled me back and held my face tightly to look down at me.

How I loved those sky blue, cloudy storm filled eyes, I thought as I smiled up at him.

"I love you," Eric whispered.

My heart had shattered. Warmth had spread through me that I never thought I would feel. Those three words held so much that I nearly melted. I leaned up as he brought my face closer to his. Our kiss was blinding, knee weakening and earth shaking. I had felt empty and now somehow I had felt whole. I had pulled back completely forgetting where we were. It was as though we had only existed in that moment.

"I love you too, Eric," I smiled at him.

Eric's smile widened as he leaned down to kiss me gently. "I can't wait until we start our new lives together." The smile was still bright on his handsome face. "I had wanted to tell you that these past couple days. What happened with you?"

"Eric," I sighed. "My father, he..."

"Mr. Coulter and Miss Summers," someone called behind us. We turned to see one of our teachers standing there. "Class has already begun. And if I am correct, the two of you have aptitude testing this morning."

"Of course, Miss Daniels," Eric replied taking my hand and walking towards the room.

Eric was among the first who was called to go in and take his test. When it was done I had hoped to see it but they led the dependents who were finished back to class. The rest of us had to wait in the room until we were called for our testing. Gregory had sat next to me until he was called. He seemed rather pleased today. We were speaking about Smoke and how the puppy had grown into a rather big wolf. He was friendly but as Gus reminded Gregory and me, he was still a wild animal.

When Gregory had left I didn't feel the need to speak with anyone else, especially the few girls who were left over from Amity. It was not long until I was called to go in as well. I dusted my skirt off and walked into the room, immediately sighing as it was Hannah's father in the room.

"Good Morning, JoyAnna."

"Good Morning, Lucas," I nodded as he motioned for me to sit down.

"This is rather simple if I say so," he paused and smiled.

Lucas explained to me what would be happening and something told me that the other dependents probably did not receive the same instructions because Lucas handled it as any Amity would, with cheer and hope. I had heard a Dauntless person in the other room bark orders at the person they had received and it made me flinch a little. Lucas assured me things would be okay. He handed me the small glass cup where I was to drink the serum and then undergo the test.

I woke up quickly and turned to look at Lucas. The stoned expression on his face told me all. Whatever happened in there was not supposed to happen.

"Lucas," I whispered and then shook my hand. "Something is wrong, isn't it?"

"JoyAnna," he held his hand up for me to stand. "Do not tell anyone about your result, do you understand?"

"I know that we're not supposed to."

"No," he shook his head. "You can't tell anyone, especially with your results."

"Results," I questioned noticing the plural form of the word.

"JoyAnna, you received Dauntless and Erudite," he whispered.

I looked away. "How did I," my voice trailed off as I began to cry.

Lucas pulled me into a quick hug. "As far as you're concerned you received an Amity result. That is what it will say on your file, okay?" I nodded. "Remember what I said, JoyAnna. Tell no one."

I nodded again before leaving. I knew that I would pick up Erudite. Jordan and Jonathan obviously had received Erudite as their result. But why did I receive two? Maybe because I had been talking so much about Dauntless lately with Eric that it was on my mind? Could that have been it? That was when my head snapped up to attention. I had to find Eric.

I rushed through the halls but he was nowhere to be found. I had been among the last to go so I had missed the entire day of school which did not matter anymore since tomorrow was choosing day. But how could I choose if I had gotten two places? Wait, I shook my head. I had always decided that I was going to be with Eric at whatever faction he was going to and that was Dauntless. Why was I second guessing it just because of some silly test? Or was it silly?

The end of the school day had come around within minutes and I found my brothers waiting for me. We decided to walk back and halfway towards the Amity border, Jensen made his concern known.

"Why did we walk again," asked Josh who made us stop for the third time so he could snack on something.

"This is the last time we're going to get to walk home with JoyAnna," Jensen answered. "After all she is leaving us."

"Hey, Jensen, we've been through this. I..."

"I know we have," he said with a tone that seemed heartless.

"Jensen, what's wrong? You said the other day that..."

"I know what I said, JoyAnna. I'm not stupid. I may not be smart like your precious Eric but I most definitely am not stupid."

"What's gotten into you?"

"Why are you asking? You don't care about us. You're going to leave us. Days after Father passes and you're willing to just leave us."

"This was the plan all along," I said. "Jensen I'll always love you. I'll miss each and every one of you. Father appr..."

"No," Jensen turned to shout at me.

"Jensen," I shook my head in shock that he was yelling at me.

"Just leave JoyAnna! We all know you want to!"

"Jensen that hardly seems fair," Joshee came up beside him.

"Shut up, Joshua!"

"Jensen, really," I pulled on his jacket sleeve making him turn away from Josh. Josh did not need saving though.

"No, you shut up," he shouted back. "We already knew that JoyAnna was leaving. Father would have wanted it that way. Father would have wanted her to be happy!"

"Well now we won't know if he did because he is dead!"

"Stop it," I yelled at the two of them. "Just stop," I made another attempt to move Jensen away from Joshua.

Joshua did not look ready to back down.

"I do know," Josh replied. "I know that because Father always told us! You know how much he loved each and every one of us Jensen," he stated as Jensen took a step back and looked down. "Everything we did made Father proud and happy. He never got tired telling us how happy he was with us either and you know that. Every time we visited Jordan, he never stopped telling Jordan us when we got home how brilliant Jordan is. When Jack built his house, he smiled and talked with Jack about it all the time. There was never any resentment with Papa. When JoyAnna makes that decision tomorrow, Father will be proud that she made that decision for herself! He'd be singing her praises, you know it!"

When Jensen looked up there were tears in his eyes and it bought me to tears too.

"Papa loved us Jensen. He wouldn't care what faction went to or if we chose to stay. He loved and supported us all the same," Joshua finished as he wiped the tears away from his face.

Jensen pulled Joshua into him and my two brothers hugged each other tightly. It was not long until I saw Jensen's other hand reach up and pull me towards them.

That night at dinner, Jimmy Bean was extra fussy as if he could tell that I was leaving. My mother had not even looked at me either. It didn't help that when she burned her hand getting dinner ready, I had rushed to help her only to get a retort from her about there was no need for me to help her anymore. She had to learn to do it on her own. I went to sit back on the table shocked that she did not apologize to me for her short comment.

I had left my room sometime in the middle of the night. Eric had not picked up his communication glass and I desperately wanted assurance that everything was alright with him and I but I got none. I had made me way to the barn where Storm was being kept and played a little with him.

"We have a big day tomorrow."

I turned and smiled. "I know," I replied.

"You okay," Gregory asked.

I shrugged and sat down as Storm came and rested his head in my lap. Gregory came by and sat next to me. We had stayed in the barn just before sunrise. It was the day of the choosing ceremony. I made my way back home and prepared breakfast, my last here in Amity. Mother had come down and held out a dress for me.

"I had it sewn especially for you and your big day," she smiled.

She kissed my cheek and then patted my arm.

The dress was a deep dark red. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I hardly looked like an Amity girl. I looked as though I were my own person. I stayed there in front of the mirror in my room just as a cool breeze pulled through the room.

"Be brave, Songbird."

I turned around staring at the emptiness in my room. "Papa," I whispered. Immediately I looked down because he was not there.

"JoyAnna Summers," my name was shouted in the hall of the choosing ceremony.

My mother smiled and nodded. The walk here had been quiet. I wasn't focusing on anything around me. While other dependents were chatting idly with their parents and family members, I just walked to the hall, sat down silently and waited there. I had been staring off at that little thread on my dress. It was truly beautiful. It made me look older than I really was.

"I love the dress," I told my mom before standing.

Jack stood behind me with Hannah next to him. Serenity's seat was empty. She had already been called but I had not noticed her. I had not noticed anyone. The only thing that I could think about the entire time was how much I wish my father was here with me. I didn't even look for Eric. Did they call his name already? I was not certain. I wanted to be in his arms. I wanted to be in my father's arms. I wanted to be somewhere safe. I wanted some type of reassurance, anything that could help me right now. But no such help came for me right now.

The walk seemed to be a difficult one. Candor's leader nodded to me and held out the knife for me to take. I exhaled deeply and looked towards the five bowls that lay before me. I don't want to say that my family's behavior had influenced me but the past couple days were fresh in my mind. My father was fresh in my mind. I love Eric but I love my family also.

With one swift move, the cut on my hand was made and I dripped my blood into the bowl.

"I'm so sorry Eric," I whispered, closing my eyes as a tear fell down my cheek.


	19. Chapter 19

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

"JoyAnna," my mother smiled as I walked into the kitchen.

It wasn't her usual smile. It had been a week since the choosing ceremony. It had been a week since I said goodbye to a life of being with Eric in Dauntless. It had been a week since I had chosen Amity. It had been a week and I still cried every night. Every night either Gregory or Serenity had held me in the Amity dependent housing while I cried. It was my choice. It was my decision and yet I hated myself for it.

The first night that I went to my house, my mother was quiet as we sat down at the kitchen table. Everyone had gone off to bed, unwilling to see me while my mother and I just sat there.

"I don't want you to regret this decision, JoyAnna."

"I made the choice, Mama," I shook my head trying not to cry. "You need me here. Jensen and Josh," I sobbed. "Then there's Jimmy and another baby on the way," I let out a breath trying not to cry. "I want to be here for my family."

"This was your chance to be yourself, Songbird. I'll never forgive myself if you're not happy here. JoyAnna, think about..."

"I've already made my choice," I practically yelled at her. "Let's not talk about it again," I pushed the chair back and hurried over towards the dependent housing.

Now every time I saw my family, they only greeted me and went on with their chores. This isn't what I wanted either. I didn't want my family to be cautious around me but that's exactly what had happened. They hardly talked to me about anything. Jack would only nod to me when he saw me with the other Amity initiates doing our volunteer work around the faction. I hardly ever saw Joshua or Jensen unless I went to the house and just as I said, they would say 'hello' and then leave to do something mother had asked them to do earlier. Even Jimmy bean would turn away from me in the bed when I came up to sing him a lullaby.

No one had pestered me about my depressing attitude, which was shocking in itself. I should have at least been talked to by Gabriel or Johanna. But none of the other Amity initiates or even those who transferred said anything. Maybe it was because my father had passed about ten days before but they always comforted me and let me throw my little emotional tirade. I was irritated about that too.

"Just stick me with the peace serum," I begged Gregory one night.

"That's not what it's..."

"I just want to forget," I pleaded tears running down my face.

"You have to accept all of this, JoyAnna," Serenity replied rubbing my back as Gregory held me. "That is the only way for you to find true peace."

I let out a sigh knowing that tonight was probably going to be the same. I would visit my family and have an awkward dinner then go back to the dependent housing and cry myself to sleep. My brothers were nowhere in sight. The only person here was my mother.

"What are we making for dinner," I asked my mother.

"I already have it done, JoyAnna," she replied turning back around to finish making the desert or whatever it was that she was doing.

"Mother, please," I whispered. "Don't shut me out," I sniffed back a tear.

"I know you asked not to bring it up Songbird but I know how much you wanted to leave. I knew that you were in love. Your first love," my mother shook her head and looked out the window. "When they are true they are the hardest to get over. They are the hardest to forget. Believe me, I know," she said. "I just want you to be happy."

"And I will be. I know I've been here out of duty more than anything but I really want to be here Mom. I want to be here to tell my baby brother all about our father. I want to be here for you after the other boys grow up and have families of their own. You shouldn't have to go through this alone," I turned my head just as the tears came down.

With a gentle touch I knew that my mom had turned away from the window and walked over to me.

"Your father will always be with me, JoyAnna. He will always be with all of you kids too. I wouldn't have held it against you if you left, you know that. None of us would," he raised her hand from my arm and touched my cheek. "I would have been happy if you went. But you are right. I am relieved and beyond joyous that my husband's Songbird is still here with me."

That was the first night since my choosing that I had stayed in my home. I rested with my mother in her and father's bed, curled up at her side as though I were still a little child. We had both needed one another. I always leaned on father and my mother always relied on him too. But now, it was going to be me and her and for once I felt contentment to go to sleep without crying.

Our group had gone out early the next morning to the fields. The first week we had been here we worked near the supply train and also with deliveries. By the end of the week it was determined that this was something Felicity was suited for. Traveling into the City with the supplies, food or other items was a demanding job because we had to deal with the other factions. Felicity's bright smile and outgoing demeanor was perfect. She even made a Candor man smile.

It was obvious that it was something I was not going to be doing. I had hardly been friendly at all. I hardly looked at any of the other initiates either unless Johanna was making some big announcement. Serenity had once again taken it upon herself to be my partner every day that first week. She was determined to get me to smile.

"Are you okay," she asked linking our arms together.

"Yes," I turned to her with a small hesitant smile.

"We did not see you last night," she commented.

I let out a shaky breath. "I had stayed with my mother," I answered softly. Serenity smiled and we continued walking towards the fields with the group.

This week we were to be gathering several fruits and vegetables. As the wagons came around with the boxes and other tools, when I saw the third wagon I immediately gasped. Gregory reached out to touch my elbow and Serenity's grip on me never faltered. There third in line was my father's horse and wagon. As Johanna and Gabriel introduced each driver, I zoned in on the man driving my father's wagon and it was none other than Benjamin.

"Benjamin has been given the cabbage and corn fields," Gabriel stated turning to me with a soft smile. "Would anyone like to join him?"

Immediately my hand went up with a couple others. I hesitated and put my hand down when I noticed Serenity's name wasn't called.

"I'm sorry," I turned to her. "It's just that..."

Serenity patted my arm and hugged me tightly. "I understand," she whispered in my ear before pulling away and nudging me playfully in that direction.

Approaching the wagon, I couldn't help but think that it looked the same as it did that day that they told us about my father. I shook my head and realized that the boards had been fixed. They had even inscribed his initials on the side of the wagon. Being the kind hearted individuals that the other initiates were I was allowed to sit in the front with Benjamin. He held his hand out for me and smiled as I climbed into the wagon.

"He remembers you," Benjamin nodded towards the horse who did in fact look back at me, stomping his feet several times.

"I remember him too," I said softly just as the wagon began to move.

"I didn't see you at your father's life celebration," he added.

"Left early," I mumbled looking down at my lap.

"That's understandable."

"Really," I looked back at him.

"For others here, I suppose it wasn't. They stated that you were the closest to your father. Then again," Benjamin smiled at me, "they say he was close to all of his children. I guess it surprised them that you weren't there for its entirety. But you do uh, what do we call it," he turned back to look out in front, "dance to your song."

My lips slowly twitched into a smile. It was warm and refreshing to be with Benjamin. I had remembered a couple conversations we had where he did not hold back his opinion of Amity. He liked it here but his happiness, if I remember correctly, was not forced down one's throat by the consumption of bread.

"I hear that you and Madeline might be courting," I stated.

"She isn't overly pleasant," he took in a deep breath, "as some girls here are," he smiled slightly turning his head as Harmony was in the back of the wagon.

"I rarely talked to her growing up. Then again, I rarely talked to any other girls unless my mother encouraged me to," I answered.

Benjamin nodded. "Several of the transfers have been looking your way."

I turned to him eyeing him out.

His head fell back a little in a hearty chuckle. "Let me guess, you haven't been looking their way?"

"I'm not ready."

"Still thinking about your Erudite," Benjamin asked.

"He's in Dauntless. At least I think that is where he is," I looked down. "We were going to go there together. I was not focused during the choosing ceremony so I don't know if he chose Dauntless or not. I like to think he's in Dauntless, having fun," I turned back to Benjamin. "He deserves it."

"And you don't?"

I shook my head. "I don't know what I deserve."

"You deserve happiness too, JoyAnna. Perhaps it may be too soon to think about courtship but at least find contentment in little things. Keep your mind preoccupied with the pleasant happenings around you and in time, you'll find happiness that you deserve."

"Thank you Benjamin."

Benjamin smiled and nodded. I couldn't help but smile again.

He was right. It was a bit relaxing to be out here working the same field that my father worked. It was hard labor for anyone especially the girls but the workers out here made it enjoyable. I had been working closely with a boy who transferred from Abnegation. He had not remembered Benjamin. Then again he mostly had kept to himself. He was not forced happiness either. It was small and like Benjamin, naturally encouraging.

"I enjoy being out here in the warm sun," he commented as we were taking a break.

"Don't turn all Amity on me," I replied making him laugh quickly but then stop abruptly.

"Taking time out to enjoy the sun wasn't something permitted in Abnegation," he said. "To seek out pleasure is considered selfish."

"Of course," I nodded turning away and drinking some water.

I had learned that the transfer's name is Aaron throughout the time we had been working in the fields. And by the end of the week, Aaron, Harmony and I along with two others would be working here. Working with Aaron was pleasant work because he had found the simple little things enjoyable. It wasn't obnoxious like how every little thing was enjoyable around Harmony, Melody, Serenity or Felicity. No things with Aaron as I said before just were natural.

One afternoon I had stayed out there with Gregory sitting by my side watching the sun set.

"It is beautiful," I whispered as Gregory turned to me in shock. "Thank you," I turned to him. "Thank you for being there when I needed a friend."

"Anytime," Gregory smiled and nodded. "I'm glad that you chose some work to do here that you'll like."

"My father worked these same fields," I added. "Working alongside Aaron, I can see why. There are things I took for granted. My father no doubt saw the sun rise, saw it set," I commented. "He got to see the plants blossom from a tiny blade into this tall stalk of corn. His hands worked at toiling the earth until it produced fine cabbage for the City."

"Who sounds Amity now," Gregory teased.

"He drove the wagons out every week," I added with a smile. "He found his work to be rewarding. I had never noticed it until now."

"Are you happy?"

We both looked at each other and I let out sigh. "Not yet but I'm learning to be content."

Gregory nodded and we continued to stay out there until the bell rang to lock up the gates.

"Have you contacted Eric yet," Gregory asked as we sat down to eat dinner. This was the first time I had joined the other initiates out in the gathering hall. Aaron along with Connor, a transfer from Dauntless had come to sit by me and Gregory.

I shook my head. "I don't know what to tell him."

"He does not know about your father passing?"

I shook my head again.

"You should tell him, JoyAnna. I think that is something else that is affecting you and will continue to. You need to make peace with Eric."

"What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What if he's forgotten about me? What if..."

"JoyAnna," Gregory reached out and touched my hand. "You'll never know until you contact him."

I let out a sigh but nodded nonetheless.

That night I slept back at home again. I pulled out the box that was under my bed filled with two books that I had been reading, a few other things that Eric and I found fascinating and the communication glass. I held it in my hand for a while before climbing onto my bed and setting it down.

What if he had moved on already? What if he was angry with me and would never forgive me? What if he shouted at me for leaving him? Eric could very well call me a liar for saying that I would be with him and yet here I was when he was somewhere else. Then again, who's to say that he even took the glass with him? He might have left it in Erudite. Or what if he is in Erudite and he agreed to marry that Miss Sanders because I never followed him?

I was tethering between calling him or just cracking the glass and never talking to him again.

"JoyAnna?"

I jumped a little as my mother appeared in my doorway.

"Are you okay? I noticed that there was still some noise coming from your room," she smiled and came to sit at the edge of my bed. "I heard from Lizzie that you have been selected to work in the fields with a couple other dependents."

"I know you wanted me with you at the kitchen or even at the nursery but..."

My mother stopped me by pulling me into a hug. "I want you to do whatever it is you want. Oh," she pulled back with a smile and light laugh.

"What is it," I asked.

"Whenever you and I hug, your brother seems to move about a lot."

She took my hand and placed it on her stomach. "I still hardly feel anything."

"It's always like that at first, remember?"

I nodded, taking my hand away. "You'll always feel him because he's growing inside of you. In a month or so I'll be able to feel him too."

"Jimmy would move every time your brothers and you were singing or playing in the room. It was like he couldn't wait to join you all. This one seems taken to your presence. I think he can't wait to meet you," she smiled and for once it was the warm smile that my mother used to give me before.

"I can't wait to meet him either," I smiled touching her stomach again, feeling the faint movement before once again it disappeared.

"What is bothering you this late at night?" I looked up at my mother. "Though it may have seemed like it before, I always noticed when things were bothering you JoyAnna. You were just content to go to your father," she laughed a little at the memory and I couldn't help but smile. "Your father had his way with comforting words, didn't he?"

"He did," I agreed.

"Now," she kissed my forehead and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Tell me what it is, my Songbird."

The look in her eyes held so much hope that I would open up to her as I did father. I thought back to my plea not to have my mother shut me out. Now it was time for me not to shut her out. I turned on the bed until I was curled up with my head in her lap. She ran her hand over my hair soothingly as the minutes went by.

"I miss Eric," I confessed. "I fear he might be upset that I chose to stay instead of following him. He is my first love. Gregory said that I need to make peace with Eric or else I won't be able to fully move on."

"Gregory is correct, JoyAnna."

"But I don't want to know the truth. I don't want to know if he has met someone else. I don't want to know if he is angry with me. It hurts, Mama. It hurts so much," I started to cry.

"How do you usually contact him," she asked. I pulled the glass towards us and held it up to her. "It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can't hold that someone in your arms. He has been removed from your arms. Do you want him removed from your heart?"

I shook my head. "I just miss him so much that it hurts."

"Imagine what he is going through right now, JoyAnna," she said causing me to look up at her. "The worst way to leave someone is without an explanation," my mother handing the glass to me. "I know that your father loves me. I see it every day I looked into our children's eyes. But that boy does not know, JoyAnna. If you're hurting then I'm sure he is too."

I sat up looking down at the glass letting a tear fall.

"If I could have one more moment with your father, I'm sure that he would tell me that he loved me with every fiber of his being and how much he never wanted to leave me the way he did. I'm not saying that it will take the pain away immediately. I still and believe that I always will miss your father, Songbird," she smiled and wiped away the other tears crawling down my cheek. "But it would comfort your heart and his as well if you just told him. We may lose ourselves in love but we may also find ourselves in it. There will be no easy way for you both to move on and be happy unless you have that one more moment to speak with each other."

My mother kissed my cheek and then got up to leave me in my room.

I stared at the glass for a few more minutes, before taking a deep breath in and calling Eric.


	20. Chapter 20

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

The night air was cold. It was going to be getting colder now. I pulled the wrap around me tightly and continued to sit there. Maybe I was wrong and just fooling myself into thinking that he would show. Maybe he was going to leave me here waiting for him just as I had left him and decided to stay in Amity. Regardless of whether he came or not, I was still going to get an answer. If Eric didn't show then that meant that he did no longer care about me and then that would be that.

Three nights ago I had contacted Eric after my conversation with my mother and to my surprise he picked up almost immediately. He didn't greet me or even smile. There was a strong look of relief that washed over him but then quickly faded when I smiled and said 'hello'. We stayed quiet for who knows how long. The silenced had been deafening. I had even started to quietly sob. I never knew that was possible but the tears came out and every time I opened my mouth not one little whimper came out. Eric just stared back at me. His eyes were hard and cold.

I shivered unexpectedly thinking about how he looked at me. A small yelp from Smoke came out as he walked rested on his stomach on the grass. I patted his head behind his ears before he put his head back down. Looking away from him I realized something. It had gotten completely dark out here. How long had I been waiting out here by the river? Did Eric really mean to not come after all?

"What do you want Miss Summers," he snarled at me after a half hour of just awkward silence through the communication glass.

"I needed to speak with you, Eric. I miss you and..."

"Don't say it if you don't mean it."

"But I..."

"I mean it JoyAnna," he growled. I didn't like how he spoke. It was dark and full of hate. "Don't tell me one thing and then do another. You know what," he shook his head. "I don't even know why I answered. I don't even know why I had carried this with me to Dauntless. Don't try to make contact with me again."

"Eric please," I begged. "Let me explain. Just give me one minute to..."

"What do you have there, Eric?"

Panic flooded into me. Miss Sanders. That was Miss Phoebe Sanders. She had followed Eric to Dauntless. She was the one that was near him right now. Eric tilted his head back and let out a sigh. She had followed him whereas I did not. She made a choice to be with him and I chose not to.

"Never mind," I said causing Eric to look back at me. "Goodbye Eric."

"Wait," he called out just as my hand hovered over the button to end the call. I looked up at the glass to see him staring at me intently. After a deep sigh Eric shook his head. "I'd never surrender," he said quietly looking away.

"What," I asked confused about what he was saying.

"I had told you once that I would never surrender. What do you need to talk about?"

"Us," was the simple answer that I gave him.

Eric was quiet for a while as he thought about something.

"Can you get out of Amity?"

"Right now," I questioned.

Eric shook his head. "I can't leave right now. Three days from now, just before dinner, let's meet at our spot by the river," Eric said. "We'll talk then."

Just like that a plan was presented to me and Eric had ended the call. I had not heard from him since. But I counted down the days and ended up coming out here. I had bought Smoke with me, an excuse as to why I had been this far out of the Amity borders. Now it was dark. I should have known that Eric was just going to lead me out here and never show. This was his way of getting back at me. He truly didn't like me.

Smoke had come over and licked my face causing me to gasp. I turned to him with a small smile as he danced around a bit.

"Okay, we'll head back. I don't think he's coming," I patted Smoke on his head and got up from the log.

Just as I scoop up my bag that I bought with some snacks, Smoke starts to growl towards the darkness in the trees. I gulp and pray that it's nothing out of the ordinary. Dauntless patrol changed their shifts around this time so for a good two hours or so there is no one out here. There is no one to watch if I'm dragged off by some wild animal. There is no one to watch if I'm taken by some greedy man as Starlet had been. My father had been the one to find her and since then no one had ventured out of the Amity border that late at night. Well, except for me, I rolled my eyes.

I threw the bag around my shoulder and grabbed on a fistful of Smoke's fur pulling him towards me and back into Amity. Quickly though a whistle sounded and Smoke took off towards the woods.

I am confused between going after him or running back to Amity. My hand begins to grip onto the strap of the bag on my shoulder. The air is tense and I don't hear anything else escaping the darkness. There's no sound of Smoke being hurt or running back. There is simply just nothing and for the first time I feel utterly helpless. Of course I couldn't help but think that this was all Eric's doing. He suggested I come out here and then leave me high and dry to get back at me for not following him. Then I could get hurt or attacked and no one would know. That would be the ultimate revenge.

No, I shook my head. Eric would not seek revenge. I had to believe that.

A sound made my head snap back up to attention. I turned to run and got a few steps forward when I heard him.

"Ana?"

Only one person called me that. I looked around, scanning my eyes through the shadows as I saw his figure appear.

"Eric," I stated.

And before neither of us said anything else, I ran up to him and threw my arms around him. It's not long until I feel him wrap his arms around me too and give me a reassuring squeeze. My hands relax from their hold and instead are placed between the two of us, my palms flat on his chest as Eric pulls back a little. I can see his eyes looking down at me through the moonlight and I realized that I might never see it again.

"I hate you."

I shook my head unable to grasp that he had said something so menacing and it was directed to me.

"I hate that I think about you all the time," he continued ignoring the alarming look on my face. "I hate that every other girls' smile looks hideous compared to yours. I hate that you say my name like it is the most precious thing to speak of. I hate how everything reminds me of what used to be. I hate that the pillows don't even feel soft as you. I hate that the food tastes horrible now. I hate that all of it Ana! I hate that you took it all away from me!"

"I'm sorry," I whispered as Eric shakes his head again before releasing me and taking a few steps away.

"I stood there at the choosing ceremony like an idiot. Half of Dauntless had already left," he faced away from me. "I thought maybe I had heard wrong. That maybe you were going to walk behind me any minute and take my hand and we would go into Dauntless together," he turned around. "But you never came."

I close my eyes while Eric starts to walk back.

"I saw everything slip away from me. Everything," he repeated. "I hated that I felt nothing. I hated that I couldn't even smile. I tried to distract myself with Phoebe. I even stuck my tongue down her throat."

I shifted uncomfortably, opening my eyes to look down at the ground. The idea of Eric kissing someone else was hard for me to stomach. It was hard for me to get out of my head too at the moment. I had never felt such anger, such disgust. The worst part about it was that I had felt hurt all over again. Eric had finally came back to stand right in front of me.

"I hate that my body rejected her but the second that I saw your face, your eyes, you smile," he reached out and touched my cheek gently. "Everything about me was on fire. And I hate it Ana! I hate that I'm so in love with you!"

"I'm still in love with you," I whisper.

The hurt and anger that donned on his face is now gone. I never thought it would be possible but the grey-ish smoke that seems to dance around in his eyes like the clouds in the sky are gone.

"It's why I had to see you or talk to you at least," I tore myself away from his gaze. "I cried myself to sleep every night since the choosing ceremony. I even begged for them to shoot me with the peace serum to make me happy, make me forget the pain I was feeling. Serenity told me I needed to find peace without it, that this turmoil was in my heart and no serum could fix it."

Eric scoffed a little before I saw the corners of his lips twitch up. "You've been hanging out with Serenity?"

I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped me too. "Yes I have. She has been kind with everything but not as helpful as my mother. I told her how I was feeling, that you were my first love and how it hurt so much and she told me that you were probably feeling the same. My mother said that your first love when it is true it is the hardest to get rid of. If she had one more moment with my father she knew it would bring her comfort. I should give you one more moment too."

"She wants one more moment with your father? Did he leave," Eric asked.

I closed my eyes as a tear fell. "My father passed. They could not calm me down when I heard the news," my eyes stayed shut. "My brother Jack tried to hold me but I just kept screaming at them. Eventually my younger brothers took the loss the same way. The house was in chaos."

"That's why you were kept with the Counselor at school," Eric stated more so than questioned.

"The day of the aptitude test, I was going to tell you Eric. I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to accept that my father was gone. I walk out on the back porch now and sometimes my mother sits there curled up in his chair," I shook my head. "I keep walking out there. I keep thinking if I do it enough times, that he'll show up. But he won't and it breaks me every time I hear my mother's sniffled cries."

"Your father is really gone?"

I nodded looking up at him, my eyes heavy with tears. My face was wet and I felt weak and miserable as the day that my father had passed. Within seconds Eric had pulled me into his arms and held me tightly against his chest.

We say nothing for what seems like an eternity. It was comforting to be with him again. Somehow without saying anything, he removes our bodies from our embrace and taking my hand he begins to lead me over towards a spot where we would sit and watch the sun set. Soon I find myself sitting in his lap, my head resting on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around me.

The air isn't as cold as I feel Smoke come by us and lay down at Eric's side. We manage to find sleep.

With hours we are awakened by Smoke pulling at my skirt. I turn to see Eric staring off past my head at Amity. I wanted to say at that moment that my mother was right. I did find contentment in speaking to Eric this one more time. Last night I went to sleep filled with peace that he had known but it seemed as we woke up that I had been thrust back into this hellish nightmare.

"The sun is about to come up," Eric whispered bitterly.

"You have to head back soon, don't you?"

Eric shook his head. "I didn't want our time together to be like this Ana. I didn't want us restricted by factions."

"I know Eric."

"Why Ana," he asked looking back at me. "I understand that your father passed but..."

"My mother is pregnant," I responded. "And with my father passing I couldn't leave her. I couldn't leave my brothers. It doesn't mean that I love you any less Eric."

I moved to sit up and he turned his eyes towards me. "Do you really?"

"I do. I love you. I always will."

"You could have called me on the tablet," he replied. "I thought you didn't feel the same. I kept thinking that," he shook his head. "I kept thinking that I wasn't important anymore."

"You are important to me Eric. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I honestly didn't decide on staying back in Amity until I was up there, slicing the blade over my hand. I didn't want to talk to you after that. I kept thinking that you would forget me."

"How could I forget someone who means so much to me?"

"The same way I couldn't stop crying every time I thought about you," I offered. "It became apparent that I had to tell you. My mother said it was not fair that you weren't informed of my decision."

"It wasn't," Eric mumbled.

"It's a decision I made though Eric and I'm sorry that we both have to live with the consequences of it. I hope you find happiness in Dauntless Eric. I hope that you..."

I was silenced by Eric pulling me further into his lap and crashing his lips onto mine. It was perfect and full of affection, passion and all those other things that I ever felt with Eric. There was also anger and hurt in the way he held me. It felt like this was our goodbye kiss. Eric pulled back and held my face in his hands. I opened my eyes to look back at him.

"I already did find my happiness. That joy I found made her decision to stay with her family. But I made my decision too."

Eric kissed me softly and then leaned his forehead against mine.

"And my decision is that I'm not giving her up and no faction is going to stop that. It never stopped it before and it won't stop it now."

Eric tilted my head again until our lips met. We kissed and held each other until the sky lit up. I had not noticed in the dark but Eric donned a black pant with a black shirt. It was shocking to see him with it at first. But I had to admit the sight before me was a handsome one. I ran my fingers slowly over the bottom of his jaw and asked what had happened.

"Initiation," he answered showing me his fist that was reddened at the knuckles.

"Oh Eric," I touched them softly.

"You should see the other guy," he joked as I looked up at him with a serious expression. "Enough about that," he kissed me tenderly. "Can I see you again?"

I nodded pulling away. "When," I whispered.

"I'll let you know."

We stood up, staring at each other with our hands locked on one another. Finally we pulled away, walking backwards slowly until we could see each other no more. And just before the sun completely rose in the sky I had already made my way back to Amity and Eric was probably already back at Dauntless.


	21. Chapter 21

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

It had been weeks before I saw Eric again, well in person at least. We had kept up daily contact with one another on the glass. Once, Gregory snorted while I was talking to Eric at night. A couple minutes after ending the conversation, Gregory sat up and turned to me.

"The fact that he is in Dauntless doesn't bother you?"

I shrugged as I lay on my stomach on the cot next to his, hugging my pillow tightly. "We were technically supposed to be there together," I replied.

"Yes I get that but you're in Amity now. I thought that maybe you would have moved on if you're going to stay here."

"We both know the answer to that."

"True," he nodded. "So you intend to continue seeking a relationship with him?"

"Yes," I answered as though it was that simple but I knew that we were going to have problems.

"Wait so you're okay that he got into a fight? He and you were speaking of it as though it was second nature. His violent actions do not bother you?"

"It is part of Dauntless initiation," I replied.

"Okay but it isn't part of Amity initiation."

"What are you talking about? I know it's not part of..."

"You shouldn't be talking about it so openly. People are going to start thinking that you accept anger and brutality in your life. We're Amity, JoyAnna. You have to think about peaceable matters. The next time he calls, I don't think the two of you should speak about him fighting anymore."

"So I shouldn't be congratulating him that he won his recent fight again," I questioned. "I'm being supportive. I'm not there to hug him so I might as well..."

"Okay that is fine then," he interrupted with a small smile that told me he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I smiled back also. "I like that we get along so easily," I said.

"Another thing I want to talk to you about."

"What is that?"

"I think that we shouldn't be friends anymore."

"What, why? Is it because I talk about violence," I questioned. "Is that why you..."

"No JoyAnna. I understand that it's something you don't mind talking to Eric about. I just think that you should keep your conversations a bit more private between him. All that whispering you're doing over here by my cot and people might think that you're whispering to me."

"You're one of the few people who know about him and don't mind that I talk to him."

"I get that as well," Gregory moved so that his feet were on the ground and he was facing me. "But," he sighed, "JoyAnna a lot of people are starting to gossip."

I feigned a gasp. "How scandalous," I put a hand to my mouth, "people talking about me," I finished with a slight roll of my eyes.

"I'm being serious, JoyAnna."

"Gossip is malicious Gregory. I'm surprised that even you resorted to using the word to describe what people are speaking of. And besides I've been happier around people. It's not like I'm going around in Amity picking fights. I was just..."

"Wait, JoyAnna," Gregory put up his two hands to quiet me.

I turned to look at one of the girls across the room that was starting to stir. Then I realized what he was talking about, at least one of the things that he was talking about. Since I had seen Eric, I had also moved my cot to sleep closer to the boys, particularly Gregory.

"Do people think we are courting," I looked back at him when all was quiet again. Gregory looked away. "But aren't you and Alice courting?"

Gregory turned back to me and had a look that said I should know the answer to that question.

"She ended things with you because you've been hanging out with me?"

"The first week, I was practically sleeping with you in your cot every night JoyAnna. She knew from before that I cared about you. To be quite honest, you're not the easiest girl to get over," he chuckled. "And now that you just confirmed you're going to continue seeing Eric, it just..."

"Wait," I sat up too, "you thought I was going to be ready to start courting someone from Amity?"

Gregory looked guilty. "I've been ignoring Alice. And I thought that since you had chosen Amity that in time, you would chose me too. It's silly really," he shook his head.

"No it's not. I'm sorry Gregory. I didn't mean to put a rift between you and Alice."

"I wasn't that fond of her."

"Still," I smiled, "she could have won your favor over time. I get it Gregory, I've taken up a lot of your time by trying to get over Eric and now that we reconciled it's like you're put on the side again as being my friend. I gave you hope where there was none and for that I am sorry. I hope that you and Alice can work things out."

Gregory shook his head. "We probably won't. But to help me, JoyAnna I think it would be best for us to not be friends anymore."

"Gregory," I moved and went to sit on his cot. "I want to say that I don't want to lose your friendship but I respect your decision. In time I hope that we can go back to being friends. No one here understands me the way that you do and I know that I'll miss talking to you."

"I'll miss talking to you too JoyAnna. Thank you for understanding," he looked to me before pulling me into a hug.

I had slept in Gregory's cot that night. I don't know why. Perhaps because something told me that this would be the last time that he and I were ever this close, not just physically either. I couldn't help but think that we would be friends again but never as we were the past couple years. Though my feelings for him remained as though they always were, his feelings had stayed the same as well. Deep down inside, even though we were labelled as 'friends' he had always hoped for more. Ending our friendship for the time being was probably the best thing to do.

"Look what I have found," asked Benjamin when we went to the wagons the next morning.

I climbed up to sit next to him and took the package in my hands. Smiling, I turned to Benjamin and gave him a hug.

"Madeline enjoys eating the dish as well, though she does not know how to make it."

"Is that a hint at something," I turned to him with narrowed eyes.

"I would like to have dinner with Madeline and I was told that it is best to have a chaperone."

"Is courting in Amity the same as Abnegation," I questioned.

"Not really. A lot of things are similar so I understand as much," Benjamin nodded at me, "Although, I wouldn't have gotten my first kiss that soon if we were in Abnegation."

My eyes widened a bit and I playfully nudged him.

"It's really no big deal."

"Yes it is," I straightened out and linked an arm around his. "Come on, I want to hear it."

Benjamin started to chuckle. "A week ago, I had walked her home and usually her Dad is out on the porch waiting for us. That night he wasn't and I leaned in to kiss her goodbye."

"You could have been a bit more romantic."

"Okay the moon was shining down on her flowing hair and the wind was..."

"Okay, okay," I stopped him causing us both to laugh. "So you invited her over for dinner tonight?"

"Yes and I told her father that there would be other people present."

"Who else did you have in mind?"

"I only asked you."

"And you want this done tonight," I questioned in disbelief. "Oh bother," I looked away. "Okay, so you already have the Salmon," I picked at the package. "I will invite my younger brother, Jensen with me. He knows how to properly cook this vegetable dish that would be wonderful with the fish. Ooh I'm so excited."

Benjamin just shook his head.

After school had finished, I met my brother. He and I had been on shaky terms ever since I had decided to stay and I knew that I would have to work on things with each brother one by one. Jimmy Bean had been the most forgiving out of them all. After speaking to Eric, I had hurried over to speak with my mother and she was overcome with joy and relief. She warned me that it might not go well between us but hoped for the best. Jimmy requested that I sing to him every night before I left and so I did. Josh and Jensen though kept their distance.

"So you're going to dinner with someone," questioned Jensen.

"Well I'm going to be their chaperone."

"What do you need me there for then?"

"To help," I shrugged. "I thought it would be good if you and I spent the evening together."

After a while, Jensen sighed. "Okay," he said quietly before wrapping an arm around my shoulders and giving me a quick squeeze.

We had had fun that evening at Benjamin's small home preparing for dinner. Jensen had even told him proper etiquette and reminded him of how to be the perfect gentlemen. Madeline had shown us a few minutes later than anticipated because she couldn't find her shawl. A girl must look modest after all. That is the Amity way. I welcomed her in and couldn't help but beam at the way her eyes lit up with the kitchen had looked like. Jensen even told Benjamin to have flowers ready and they were.

"Thank you," Madeline smiled as Benjamin handed them to her and kissed her cheek.

"You have to forgive me if it isn't the best tonight," I told her as I served some Salmon on her plate.

"Oh, you cooked Salmon," she smiled up at me.

"Benjamin went and got it. He said it was your favorite."

She turned to Benjamin and blushed. "You remembered me telling you."

"Of course I did," he replied with a small blush of his own.

"So Madeline," Jensen spoke up, interrupting the silence that had started.

Quickly we delved into conversation about little things. Madeline had begun working at the day care and was in love with all the little children there, our youngest brother included which made Jensen and I laugh. She was a quiet girl, quiet by Amity standards that is. She didn't giggle uncontrollably or speak of things with over enthusiasm. But she was still cheerful. Benjamin was quiet as well even though he had been recently opening up. I could see the two of them working out.

"They would make a wonderful couple," Jensen said as he walked me back to the dependent housing.

"They would," I replied.

"No one has caught your eye," he asked.

I shook my head.

"You're still thinking about your Erudite friend?"

"We're kind of courting still," I replied.

"But you are different factions now," Jensen stopped walking. "You both made that choice."

"Yes and we discussed things. I know it's going to be difficult but I think that..."

"Why JoyAnna," Jensen interrupted me. "Why can't you just start over? He hurt you and you continue to go back to him?"

"I actually hurt him, I hurt us," I clarified. "I was the one who decided to stay and he was struck with grief over my decision but..."

"He could have come here."

"He already made his choice. They called his name before mine," I added.

"I don't know JoyAnna. I just want you to be happy and move on with your life. The two of you can never get married like Benjamin and Madeline. The two of you cannot see one another like they can. The two of you cannot have a future together. It's impossible."

"We can make it work..."

"That's called being naive JoyAnna," Jensen stated.

"We'll make it work," I repeated again.

"I hope so JoyAnna," Jensen kissed my cheek and then left.

As the days went by and I continued to speak to Eric about what he was doing and what I was doing, I realized that Jensen was probably correct. Every now and then I would hear some girl or boy calling Eric to hurry it up. Eric was going to some party or get together that was happening at Dauntless constantly. And despite my best efforts not to let my jealousy show, it always did the second he ended the communication. I couldn't compete with his life right now. I was in Amity and I had made my choice to stay here. It was probably best if what we had stayed in the past as well since it was obvious we couldn't be with one another in the present and our future looked grim.

"Is everything alright?"

I looked up to see none other than Gregory.

"Eric is hanging out with his friends," I smiled at Gregory and then got up to stand and head out.

"You could hang out with the girls you know," Gregory offered. "I think Mason was speaking to Harmony about going down to the lake tonight. They were going to be singing and dancing, I think."

I shook my head. "I think I'm going to take a walk around."

We normally had free time at the ending of the week. Most of our job duties were done and things would get rather relaxing when everyone knew that no one would be working the next day. I happened to walk past by the lake where they had gotten together and noticed that Madeline and Benjamin were dancing. Another pang of jealousy flowed through me. Eric and I could never dance with one another. In fact right now, he was probably dancing with another girl and it was my entire fault.

I had just made my way back to the dependent housing when I heard something off to the side that caught my attention. Quickly I hurried towards the safety of the barn only to get pulled back. I was so close to screaming until I looked up at those cloud filled sky eyes.

"Eric," I whispered before he smiled.

My arms wrapped around his neck as his wrapped around my waist.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too," he mumbled into my hair giving me a slight squeeze. He pulled back and looked down at me, his smile disappearing. "Hey, what's wrong," his hand gently wiped my face.

I didn't know I had started crying. "I just feel that I made a huge mistake in not choosing a future with you."

"Who said we're not going to have a future together?"

"We live in different factions Eric," I told him. "I mean look at us," I took a step back and motioned to him. "You're all in black and I'm wearing a yellow and brown dress. I need to think about peaceable things and you talk about violence and…"

"Where is this coming from? Everything was okay when we were talking earlier," Eric pressed.

I let out a sigh and shook my head. "You're just not here Eric. And I can't ask you to be. I made that choice. I'm the one who decided to stay back. I'm the one who didn't follow you. I just feel like in time we'll grow apart because…"

Eric pressed his lips to mine wrapping his arms around me again as we kissed on the side of the barn that housed the dependents. I gasped in shock when Eric's tongue entered my mouth with a determination that I had never seen. It made me entire body shiver. Instinctively my legs wrapped around him as he pulled me up higher.

"I already told you, Ana," he said with a misty look in his eyes and gruffness to his voice. "No faction is going to stop me. It didn't before and it won't now. I'll never surrender you," he mumbled as his lips moved to kiss my neck and down to my shoulder. "I'll never surrender you."


	22. Chapter 22

**So I started a new series entitled "Dauntless Relationship Chronicles". There should be five stories in this series. The chapters will be short (somewhere in the 2000 word count). And there will probably be only 5 chapters to each story. I'll update those every day or every other day, depending if I can make it to a computer. I hope that you read it and like it. The idea was taken from a fictional novel or novella that my boyfriend started to read to me. I was hooked and decided to write it with the lesser mentioned Divergent characters/pairings. Tobias and Tris will make appearances but the stories are not about them.  
I'm still working on "Eradicate". Eric's POV is proving harder to write for me. And those five chapters that I lost and have to redo are being reduced greatly because I just want to move on with that. Please give me time and that should be up (hopefully before this year ends).  
As for "Contrast" I have decided to just leave the story up and when I have time, I'll probably revisit it.**

 **I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

I had seen Eric two or three times a week for the next three weeks. We usually didn't talk about his initiation or what was happening in Amity. During night we would talk about those things on the communication glass. Once Eric showed me a place called the Chasm. It was beautiful. He set the glass down so I could look at him and the Chasm as we talked about our day. That was when we talked. When we were together, we just enjoyed being together. Eric would hold me in his arms and I would rest my head against his shoulder, on his chest or in his lap. I enjoyed our kisses whenever he would come to Amity. They were sweet and soft. Only right before he left, was when he would kiss me in a demanding manner.

"Eric," I pulled away gasping for air.

His lips moved down to my neck. "I'm going to miss you."

"Mm," I moaned as he began to nibble on my flesh.

I couldn't say anything else. I couldn't even process any concrete thought in my mind when Eric would begin to taste my skin. I felt like exploding every time we touched or kissed each other. That was the time Eric had heavily kissed my body that there were bruises on them. My mother gave me a scarf to use and told me to use caution. A girl walking around with love marks while she was not courting wasn't necessarily considered a scandal but she wanted me to appear chaste.

"The two of you haven't," she gulped, "have you?"

"No Mama," I shook my head as she patted my cheek. "Do you think he'll leave me if I tell him I don't want to..."

"Oh JoyAnna," she hugged me. "If he forces you into something you're not comfortable with you shouldn't be with him. You deserve someone who will respect you."

Another time Eric and I had started to take off our clothes just as we had that one heated moment when we were in his bedroom back in Erudite. It was probably wrong of me to compare his body to the boys in Amity. But ever since Eric had gone to Dauntless, I have noticed just how defined certain muscles of his were or had become compared to others in Amity. I ran my hands over his shoulders, down his arms or around his torso. There were some bruises and cuts from initiation but I liked seeing him without his shirt on. My skin would tingle whenever Eric did the same to me. I had gotten brave enough for the top of my body to be completely bare to him. I was glad that we weren't anywhere close to a barn house in Amity because when Eric would trace my body with his fingers or kiss my form lightly I would moan loudly.

Two days later my mother found the love marks Eric had left on my chest and she nearly fainted. I had gone back home for visiting day. Then again I had always gone home even when it wasn't visiting day. I was in the washroom when my mother came in with some hot water.

During dinner she couldn't look at me the same way.

"I know that the two of you are trying to make your courtship work despite being in different factions JoyAnna and regardless of how things are done in Dauntless, if you two insist on this relationship then you know what he must do," she eyed me out.

"Yes mother," I looked down at my plate.

"You're still seeing him," Jensen asked. I nodded. "How," he questioned.

"Never you mind," my mother waved her kitchen rag at him. "We will support your sister the best that we can with her decision. But he needs to..."

"I know mother," I offered a small smile which she smiled back.

There were a lot in Amity who didn't abide by the courtship rules in Amity. Benjamin was right when he said that they were similar to that of Abnegation. The only difference was that we were allowed a bit more physical interaction during our courting with a parent's blessing. Some parents supported love of all sorts and though it was not widely accepted, some had engaged in sexual activity far before marriage. I knew for a fact Serenity was one of them.

"We've discuss this before," my mother set her cup down.

"We have," I nodded.

"The next time you see one another, you bring him to me," she finished.

"What makes you think he'll listen to you," asked Jensen.

"He is coming onto Amity lands. While here, he is to respect my wishes," mother smiled at Jensen. "Do not think that you are exempt from such rules as well, Jensen. I heard about little Olivia Cameron."

"What," I exclaimed. "She's twelve years old."

"She's the same age as me, JoyAnna," Jensen turned to me. "We're both fifteen."

"And she's also pregnant," mother stated.

"Who's the father," I asked.

"A Candor-born transfer from this year."

"Victor," I sat there shocked.

"Her parents did not set boundaries for her or her siblings."

"This is the most I believe that I've heard you speak ill about another family in Amity," I pointed out.

"Your father didn't approve of them as well," she smiled. "And this discussion should not leave the table. With that in mind, I would want my daughter to behave with some propriety. I will not bar you from seeing this young man but I would want to discuss intentions and boundaries. I know that you will make your own decisions about when the time is right," my mother took my hand in hers. "I just want you to be prepared for the consequences of such a decision and I will rest assured once I know that young man knows as well."

I nodded. "Of course mother."

A knock sounded at the door just before dessert was served. I was a bit surprised to see Gregory standing there.

"Won't you come in Gregory," I motioned stepping away from the door but he didn't move.

"You had a visitor at the dependents housing," he said.

"A visitor," I raised my eyebrow at him.

Beyond him I saw a figure step out of the shadows.

"Eric," I whispered before running towards him. Unlike all the other times, Eric didn't wrap his arms around me right away. "What's wrong," I pulled back.

Gregory walked by us and eyed him out until he disappeared. I could only assume that Gregory had probably gone to see his father now. Turning back to Eric I realized that he had a few more bruises on him than the last time we had seen each other.

"What happened," I examined him. "I just saw you two days ago and you looked fine."

"I lost," he quickly said.

"What," I looked back up at him.

There was a mixture of both anger and sadness on his face. His eyes looked like they wanted to cry and at the same time his jaw was tight.

"I lost my first fight," he choked on the words.

"Why didn't you tell me anything last night when we were talking on the glass?"

"Because I was embarrassed," he turned away from me. "Then today I saw my mom and she," he shook his head. "She looked disgusted with me. She called me a failure, told me I was worthless."

"You know that's not true, Eric," I reached out to touch his arm but he withdrew it.

"I hate myself. I hate her. I hate him."

"Him," I questioned.

"That Abnegation kid that I lost to," he spat out. "I went there because they told me to and I couldn't even win against a Stiff," he laughed. "I couldn't," he shook his head this time and I knew he had started crying.

I pulled him into my arms as we both collapsed onto the grass in my front yard. I held Eric for what seemed like hours perhaps as he continued to quietly sob. I rocked our bodies slowly back and forth, running my hands up and down his back or through his hair whispering how much I believed that he was brave, strong and everything more. I told him that I loved him. I told him that he was always a winner to me.

Somehow we found ourselves in my bedroom. I had bought Eric up there when I knew that all was quiet in the house. I had him undress down to his undergarment which was a tight shorts that I swear made his tone legs just all the more muscular. I took out a wash bowl, bucket of hot water and a rag to clean whatever cuts were on his body. I rubbed herbs and creams on the bruises that were on his side, arms and face, pressing a kiss to his body as I went.

I made Eric lie back in my bed and pulled the blankets over him. When I had gone back downstairs to put everything back I noticed my mother sitting on the back porch.

"Eric is here," I walked outside. "Though he's not in the best of conditions right now," I sighed.

"Dauntless initiation I assume," my mother smiled. "I was told that it is quite challenging."

"He has been at the top of his class, until yesterday," I looked away. Then I turned back to my mother. "How did you hear about Dauntless initiation?"

"That is a story I should tell you one day but not now," she stood up from father's chair and kissed my forehead. "I still want to talk to him. You let him know."

I nodded and watched as she went back inside. Somehow that told me that she was okay with him staying for the night but that was it. She still wanted to discuss 'courtship rules' with Eric and I was okay with that. Now I had to inform Eric of what my mother had wanted.

Taking off my dress and setting it down on the chair in my room, I crawled on the bed over to Eric. I still had on my inner gown which was thin and of course a bit shorter.

"I wish I could stay," he whispered as I leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"You are," I replied moving to kiss his other cheek.

My body settled next to his and it wasn't long until we both fell off to sleep, wrapped up in each other's arms. I liked the feeling of our legs tangled in each other. I liked the warmth of his arm around my waist. I liked the vibrations of his heart beating against mine. But what I liked the most about this was just before sleep completely took me over, Eric whispered that he loved me too.

The next morning I had awoken to the smell of my mother's cooking and the gentle nudging of my mother's hand. I gasped to see her looking down at me and Eric holding onto one another tightly.

"He needs to leave soon if he wishes to make it back to Dauntless," she whispered. "I made a little something that he should take with him."

"Thank you mother," I replied as she smiled and then left the room.

I turned to feel Eric's head still tucked in by my neck.

"Eric."

There was no response.

"Eric," I singsong.

"Hm," he buried his face further into the crook of my neck.

"Eric, come on. It's time to head back to Dauntless."

"I don't want to," he mumbled.

"I don't want you to go either."

After a minute or so, Eric finally pulled back, kissed my forehead and unwrapped himself from me. With a heavy sigh and a groan he pushed himself out of bed and started to redress. As he slipped on his clothes, I informed him that my mother wished to speak with him. And when he questioned the reason I let him know that it was simply to gather his motives for courting me and to make sure that he knew the rules as to our courtship.

"Which are," he sat down on the bed and pulled me to him.

"I set the boundaries for how physical things get," I answered.

"I never pressured you into anything."

"I know you didn't and I also have complete confidence that you won't but she would still rather speak with you. I think it will set her mind at ease," I placed my hands on his chest. "Just so you know Eric, I enjoy every part of our relationship especially the physical part but I with everything that's happening I don't know when I'll be ready to take that step and if you..."

Eric pressed his lips to mine in a sweet kiss before pulling away.

"I respect your decision," he pulled back and ran his thumb over my lips. "I do not mind waiting, Ana. It'll be my first time too, remember," he kissed my cheek.

I didn't want to ruin the moment by saying that I had thought he had slept with Phoebe while we were not talking to one another but I let that go. They kissed and that was that. It was in the past and knowing that Eric wouldn't rush me into it, made me feel better. I don't know why I had been worried about it in the first place. I suppose hearing about Olivia's situation made me panic just a bit.

"About your fight," I tugged on his hand as I walked him towards the border. "Eric, I don't this to upset you. And don't listen to your mother's words. You know far better than that to believe her. You are not worthless."

"They sent me there to succeed and I can't help but feel that I failed them, Ana. I feel lighter now that I've seen you and also that you know but it still weighs heavily upon me."

"You never told me why they made you go there in first place. You were going to tell me but then everything happened," I looked up at him.

"I'll tell you another time," he kissed me. "I have to hurry back."

The following week went by and Eric did not show up in Amity. We talked every night on the glass but he didn't stop by to visit. I had thought about going to Dauntless but in my clothes, I would have stuck out. And I also had never been there before. Sometimes they would allow Amity there to deliver supplies and food but I never went on that trip and judging from the job I had chosen I probably never would. But I hated not seeing Eric that following week and something told me that it had to do with asking about why his family sent him to Dauntless.


	23. Chapter 23

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.  
All OC's are property of missalohahula.**

* * *

The following weeks had been hard on Eric. He couldn't leave Dauntless to see me even though he desperately wanted to. There was something going on with Dauntless initiation and he didn't like it. He wouldn't tell me what he saw or what was going on. He only said that he had nightmares about it every night. Every night he wanted to hold me like he did when he slept in my room but instead settled for keeping the communication glass on so that we could see the other just before our eyes had closed.

He rarely talked about the loss that he had during his fighting stage but I knew that it had affected him far more than he let on. Slowly the weeks turned into months. I had not seen Eric in two months.

I had gotten the nerve to sneak over to Dauntless one day. Technically I wasn't sneaking over. I wasn't sure how I was going to see Eric. I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to leave in the first place. But I persistently asked Jack and finally a couple hours before they left he decided to take me along with another Amity initiate to show us how things were done.

I was extremely excited as the truck made its way to the Dauntless Compound. It had been two months since I had spent time with Eric. We always talked at night but I missed holding his hand, kissing him or being in his arms.

My brother would tell us what to unload and where to place it. He kept ensuring that we were busy doing work but I kept looking around for any sign of Eric or Dauntless initiates. We were halfway through with our shipment at their loading dock when I noticed a group of Dauntless boys who looked my age.

"I'll be right back," I told Jack.

"JoyAnna, wait," he called for me but it was too late. I began following after the boys.

One month of no Eric made me desperate and I didn't care who I spoke to. I just wanted someone to go find Eric for me.

"Hello," I said as a couple of them turned around.

One of them eyed me out and then facing his companions gave them a nod to leave. "Are you lost Amity?"

"I wanted to know if you were part of Dauntless initiation this year," I questioned.

He stalked towards me and for a moment I was afraid. My foot took a step back. I noticed that this made him smile. I obviously gave him the reaction that I wanted. So instead, I stopped and stood taller, looking him in the eye and raising my chin to him. His smile only widened and he began to walk around me.

"I asked you a question," I looked over my shoulder at him.

He finally came to stand in front of me and lifted an eyebrow. "An Amity with an attitude," he chuckled. "Now that is something you don't see every day."

"Are you going to answer me or not? If not, then I'll just find someone who will," I walked past him but he grabbed my arm.

"Look doll, I'm not one you want to be getting sassy with, alright," he said. "I'm not part of this year's initiation class for your information."

I let out a huff, pulled my arm away and then turned on my heels.

"Were you looking for someone," he called.

"You wouldn't know him," I replied before continuing to walk towards the docks.

Jack tried to scold me. The real word there is 'tried'. Whenever he did, he failed completely. He was such a true Amity at heart and being that it just came out as loving brotherly advice. A few Dauntless shook their heads probably annoyed at the way that Amity would discipline their younger members. One thing they had to remember was that we were all about forgiveness.

I had just climbed into the delivery truck when I felt someone staring at me. I turned to look out the window to see my cloud filled eyes. I gave him a weak smile and Eric's lips twitched just a bit before he retreated back into the hallway where he was and disappeared.

That night we talked about our near missed opportunity to see one another in person.

"You should have told me," he said. "We could have planned it."

"I wanted it to be a surprise. Besides, I wasn't sure if I could be a part of the delivery crew until this morning. I didn't want to get your hopes up if we planned it and then I wasn't able to come," I admitted.

"I still wish that I could have seen more of you," he stated with a soft smile.

"How did you find out I was there anyway?"

"Our instructor told me," he shrugged.

"Instructor?"

"He said he ran into an Amity who was looking for someone in our class. The second he said that I hurried to the docks, knowing it was you."

"The guy I ran into looked like he was our age," I stated.

"He's about a year or two older than us," Eric nodded.

"Wow," I replied. "Tell me more about Dauntless," I requested as Eric divulged more about the Compound, the place called the Pit, the Chasm and even the food that they ate. I could see Eric's face scrunch up when he mentioned how loud and unorganized he thought everyone was. It made me laugh. Once an Erudite, always an Erudite. Eric stated how the biggest thing he hated about being in Dauntless was that I was not there to be with him.

I closed my eyes and turned away.

"I mean it Ana," he whispered. "I need you here with me. If I could, I would take you right now and keep you here with me."

"Eric, I wish I was there too. But we just have to make due with what's going on right now."

"I guess we do," he sighed.

The following day I was surprised to see Jack appear at the dependent housing again. Apparently he needed to return to Dauntless to sort out the shipment from the day before. Jack's eyes scanned over me to see my excitement and then he requested two new dependents to go. It wasn't until Johanna and Gabriel spoke up saying that Jack should take the same two from yesterday.

"They already know what needs to be done," Johanna admonished. "And I'm certain that they remember what they did, therefore the transition and inventory should be quicker than taking two newer initiates."

I smiled brightly knowing that I was going to get another chance at seeing Eric. I looked for the communication glass quickly and tried to call him, letting him know that I would be there in an hour or so. After our near miss encounter yesterday, I was delighted that I was getting a second chance. There was no answer on his side and I figured that he was busy. The day had just started. I kept the glass in my skirt pocket throughout the ride also so I could continue to call him. There was still no answer.

When we were there I found a few minutes to slip away and made my way towards the hallway where I had seen Eric peer out of yesterday. Instead of running into a couple Dauntless boys, I ran into a couple Dauntless girls. They gave me the same hospitality that I had received the day before but I paid them no mind.

"I'm looking for an initiate," I ignored the name-calling. "He assisted us yesterday with our shipment and we need to verify something with him."

I can't believe I came up with that lie on the dime.

"What is his name," asked one of the girls. "I know a few of them."

"His name is Eric."

One of the other girls smiled. "Eric might be busy at the moment," she looked at her companions as they started to laugh. "But he might be down that way," she pointed to another hallway which I took off after.

I knew my time limit was short but if I could just get one moment with Eric, I would live with the consequences later. My heart was beating wildly at the thought of being with Eric, even just for a minute. Like I said, two months away would do that to a girl. I was desperate.

The second I turned down the hall, my smile dropped. I retreated before anyone could see me or take notice of my presence and quickly made a dash for the dock.

Jack had just finished up when I came back and I climbed into the truck and waited there. This visit was all for nothing.

That night at dinner, I excused myself from the dependents' gathering and made my way back home. Gregory could tell that something was wrong but he didn't come over to comfort me. It was part of our deal that we would keep our distance from one another and our friendship would be put on hold. I desperately needed a friend now but opted for being in the comfort of my own home with my family.

However, I couldn't be my cheerful self at dinner and when the communication glass started to beep in my pocket that I hurried away from dinner where my mother was left to clean the dishes on her own. I felt bad for doing that but I also wanted an explanation from Eric for earlier today.

"Hey," he smiled when his face come on. "I missed your calls. Is everything okay," he looked at me with those soft eyes.

"No it's not," I said.

"What is it? What's going on?"

"I ought to ask you the same thing," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you Eric," I turned to the glass. "I came to Dauntless. There was a mix up in the shipment and my brother went back today to figure it out."

"Why didn't you tell me? I told you that if it came up again we could plan it and..."

"You mean you could plan it," I questioned. "You wanted to hide the other girl, didn't you? That way when I came there was no evidence that you had kissed someone else."

Eric shook his head and looked at me with a confused expression.

"I saw you Eric."

"You keep saying that but..."

"I saw you kissing another girl. Forget it, that was more than just kissing," I took in a deep breath. "Your hand was in her shirt. You had her up against the wall. She was giggling your name," I said as the tears started to fall.

"Ana..."

"No," I stood up from my bed gripping onto the glass. "I know what I saw Eric."

"She means nothing to me..."

"Liar," I shouted. "Don't you mean I mean nothing to you? All that talk about wanting me there with you was just nothing but a lie!"

"No Ana I meant that. I still do."

"Stop it Eric," I continued to shout at him. "You've just been stringing me along this whole time. Toying with me and telling me that you like me and then you go and kiss another girl. You were touching her like how I let you touch me," I shook my head as the tears fell. "You said I was your first girl to touch like that. I guess I'm not the only one either. How long Eric," I questioned. "How long have you been..."

"That girl was just today," he stated.

"What do you mean that girl was just today? There have been others?"

"A couple others," he gulped. I let out a shaky breath and continued to cry. "It hasn't gone beyond kissing and touching Ana."

"Stop calling me that," I replied. "You don't get to call me any cute nick name. I can't believe you Eric."

"It's get lonely here."

"And it doesn't in Amity? I haven't been with anyone else but you! Is that why you haven't been making your way to see me?"

"That's not it. Initiation has been busy."

"It seems that you've been busy too."

"They throw themselves at me."

"You're really fighting them off, aren't you?"

"I miss you Ana. I miss touching _you_."

"Then come to Amity," I stated. "No, you rather be there with those Dauntless girls."

"I only think of you whenever I'm with them."

"Why think of me, when you can actually come here and be with me," I asked.

Eric shook his head. "Why do that when you could have chosen Dauntless? Why sneak over to Amity when you could have been right here with me from the beginning? You talk about me toying with you but you were the one who filled me head with hope only to crush it later on."

"I already explained to you why I couldn't go to Dauntless."

"By the time you told me it was too late," he snapped. "I had been here for a while now. Phoebe was right that night we defected here. I should have just had sex with her from the start," he yelled.

"Well you know what," I replied angrily wiping the tears from my face. "You can go ahead and do that! Go and have sex with whoever you want!"

"Is that what you're going to do now? I refuse to see you for two months and you're just going to throw yourself at some other guy?"

"You don't get to tell me what to do," I told him. "I thought we were in a relationship Eric. I thought we were going to try and make it work but obviously you just so lonely," I mocked in a baby voice, "that the first girl that comes along and smiles at you, you need to kiss and touch her like how you do with me. I was saving myself for you Eric. I was going to give you every part of me but not anymore!"

"Fine," he spat. "Go and give yourself to Gregory or whatever Amity farmer shit you see over there. I don't care anymore! I don't Ana. We're through!"

I shook my head and closed my eyes. "I hope you find happiness Eric," I whispered softly.

I opened my eyes to see Eric staring at me wide eyed.

"Just so you know," I sniffled. "I miss the old Eric who I fell in love with. This Eric," I motioned to the glass. "I can do without, because this one broke my heart."

I took the communication glass and slammed it against the table, shattering it into a few pieces.

I should have known. Two months was a long time to go without seeing one another. We started with seeing each other every day. Then when he transferred, the first time it was just two weeks. Then it was a week here or there. But now it had been two entire months. It was obviously enough for Eric to get occupied with other girls. The words he said to me crept back into my mind and I couldn't take it anymore. I dashed out of my room, down the stairs and out the back door where I collapsed onto the grass of our backyard. It was not long until I felt a pair of warm arms wrap around me and my mother's soft assurances that everything would be okay.


	24. Chapter 24

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

My mother warmed up some milk for me as we sat down at the table. My eyes were still burning from tears and I could barely focus on what had just happened. I felt like worse than I did during choosing day. I wanted to just shut myself up in my room and never come out. My room, I thought. There is where Eric had told me that he respected my decision to wait for things to escalate further between us, physically. I guess while waiting he was going to be pursuing other girls.

A small cup was set down in front of me and I was urged to drink it. It was soothing and having my mother there did help to ease my displeasure a bit. I still didn't like how things had gone down. His words hurt me. There were so much promises that we made and in one swift move it was all taken from me.

"I heard yelling," mother said.

I gulped and looked away.

"Songbird," she touched my shoulder as she was seated next to me. "Disagreements do often happen in relationships, especially since the two of you are so young."

I shook my head and turned to her. "Eric was kissing another girl when I went to Dauntless with Jack earlier today. He made up excuses and then somehow he got angry," I looked back down at the table.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"A little over two months," I answered. "That is the reason why I was insistent on going with Jack. I wanted to see him and I thought that he would want to see me as well."

"I'm sure he did."

"Mother how can you say that? He was kissing another girl," I replied. "He said that he got lonely and that he missed me and that they are 'throwing themselves' at him," I shook my head in disgust.

"And there are no young men here in Amity that are seeking your attention?"

"I'm not kissing any other person," I rolled my eyes.

"I was told that you sleep with Gregory on his cot."

"I..."

My mouth opened but nothing came out. I turned away once again.

"Alice was crying to her mother that Gregory was seeking companionship somewhere else."

He was being a friend to me in my time of need, I wanted to argue. But the truth was that I had moved my cot to sleep near Gregory as well. On nights that I really missed Eric and wanted him there, I would lie in the same cot as Gregory and let him hold me. I shook my head. We were friends and there was nothing happening that would show romantic interest between us.

"You knew from a long time ago that that boy was interested in you," my mother continued as I shifted uncomfortably. "Does Eric know that you had slept with Gregory?"

"There is nothing romantic going on between..."

"There is nothing romantic going on for you," she corrected. "Gregory feels otherwise, I'm sure."

I nodded. "He admitted that with Eric at another faction and with me staying back that he thought," I shook my head unwilling to answer because I knew my mother was correct. I had used Gregory when I missed Eric.

"JoyAnna, I'm sure that your heart belongs to Eric just as much as I am sure that his heart belongs to you. I know how it is to be young and in love, and the fact that the two of you tried to make it work despite being so far from one another. The point is though that there is distance between you. Physically you two are apart."

"He's come here before. He could easily come here if he misses being physical."

"He's still an initiate, JoyAnna," she smiled patiently. "He has to abide by the rules if he wishes to become a member of that faction and I'm sure one of those rules is to not leave the faction unless he is told to do so. He risks a lot to come and see you."

I shook my head. "He said our problems were because I didn't defect there in the first place. We talked about that and he said he had forgiven me."

"Did he really state that?"

I thought back to our conversation that night.

"On the surface he may project that because he doesn't want to anger you. He wants to enjoy the time that the two of you share. But deep down inside I'm sure that he is still hurting. The two of you need to communicate..."

"We talk almost every night," I replied.

"About how the other feels or about the cold hard facts," she questioned as I turned to look at something else in the room. "I know that he is Erudite and that now he is in Dauntless. But he still has feelings JoyAnna. Talk about his feelings not about the Compound or the fights that he gets into."

"We discuss our feelings. We tell each other how much we miss and care about one another."

"Is that all?"

"I don't think I understand Mama. What else would there..."

She interrupted me and gave me a kiss on my forehead. "You both miss the physical part of your relationship and I think it's working its way towards the emotional aspect as well. Remember what I said about it hurting when you hold someone in your heart but can't hold them in your arms?" I nodded. "I understand you're upset about what he did but I'm sure he wouldn't be too pleased about what you did either. The two of you are still young and temptations are running wild when you are young. He wants to hold you not just there," she touched my chest where my heart is, "but here as well," her hand fell into mine.

"We were both lonely," I looked down.

"It doesn't excuse what he did but I think the both of you need to take a moment to breath and calm down before proceeding or else you'll just say something that you'll regret."

"We called off our courtship," I admitted.

"Something exactly like that," my mother let out a small laugh.

"You want me to forgive him and forget what he's done or said?"

"No," she patted my hand. "I want the two of you to give it another chance. Both of you obviously miss one another and there's obviously something going on emotionally between the two of you that you need the other there for but instead are looking for the next closest thing. Love isn't all fun and games, JoyAnna. There will be those tough times. And if you give up on love because of one mistake that you both made then you're not the daughter that I know. Your father would want you to demand it, to work for it."

"What if I'm the only one working for it?"

"Then that's when you muster the courage to move on. But I have a feeling, a small feeling that the two of you should work this out. After all that was said and done, Songbird," she kissed my forehead again, "do you really want to end it like that?"

My mother had given me a lot to think about. And I would have thought about it all night too. Unfortunately fate had other plans. Just as I made my way back up to my room there was Eric sitting on my bed staring at the broken pieces of glass.

I closed the door behind me and locked it.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry Ana," Eric stood up and walked over reaching out for me but I took a step back.

"You don't get to touch me right now."

Eric nodded and stood a distance away from me. "I know it was wrong what I did. I knew it was wrong after I did it, while I was doing it," he shook his head looking down. "But what I said that I was thinking about you the whole time, I meant that Ana."

"You may have been thinking that it was me but it wasn't me."

"I know," he ran a hand through his hair. "I just," he shook his head. "I was just so lost and I needed you there."

"We talked every night."

"No, I needed you there," he stated again. "I was lighter when I came here after my loss and after what my family told me. Talking was one thing but having you hold me was something else. And with everything going on I just needed you to comfort me."

"You could have come here."

"I know, I know," he repeated looking away. "The first time I felt awful. I kissed Phoebe again right after we ended our conversation. I had pictured in my mind the entire time. That's when I started leaving the electronic communicator on. It was like you were sleeping next to me. But the second I was back in initiation, I was lost again."

"How can you be lost?"

"Dauntless initiation works at your very core, not just physically but mentally and emotionally and," he shook his head, "you wouldn't understand."

This was exactly what my mother was talking about. Eric and I weren't just physically apart. Slowly, and without either of us noticing our ability to actually be there for one another was hurt because of our lack of physical closeness. There was obviously a lot more going on than we both were letting on.

If I had to admit it, deep down inside I hated all the reminders of my father as I went to work. I didn't like the fact that they had changed my father's work space around. I detested more so the fact that Jack was pressuring mother into having them move in as if I wasn't helping around here. Jack knew that I spent more time at home than I did at the dependent housing. Technically I wasn't even supposed to be here until initiation was over but Johanna felt that with the circumstances surrounding our family that I could go back and forth between the two. I overheard Jack saying to my mother that he and Hannah should move in and take Mother and Father's room. I had still been the one to help the boys out around the house and put Jimmy to bed not Jack.

I looked up at Eric and took his hand in mine.

"I want to," I said softly. "I want to understand what you're going through Eric."

Eric shook his head again, withdrawing his hand and sitting back down on my bed. "Initiation there is challenging," he let out a breath. "And I'm giving it all I can to stay on top but I just," he looked away.

"You never tell me what's going on," I touched his arm and sat down by his feet. "You would tell me about the fights all the time. What's going on now that's so different?"

"They show you your worst fears," he looked up at me with a dark look in his eye, "Things that you wouldn't even talk about because they are that frightening, you have to relive it every day. I feel okay when we talk but the second that the communication ends I realize that I'm back in that dark place. I just," he closed his eyes.

I took his hand and kissed his palm.

"I saw my father die. That's what Dauntless showed me," he said as his eyes were still closed. "I heard every scream," he gulped. "I saw you with a baby in your arms in a house by our spot at the river," he continued. "You were so happy but that baby and that home wasn't mine," he shook his head opening his eye as a tear fell. "I felt emptiness when my Aunt disowned me. Everyone was calling me a failure. I had to shoot you another day. People were shouting at me to do it and I did it. I tried to stop it but it's like something took over my mind. I had no control," he started to shake. "Ana all of it felt so real."

"Eric," I took his face in both of my hands.

His eyes closed and he leaned into my hold. "I just wanted you there. I imagined that you were. I'm sorry about kissing those other girls Ana. But believe me when I say that I pictured you, I imagined you, and I wanted it all to be you."

"It wasn't though," I said softly. "But I understand. Eric I," I paused and took in a deep breath. "I had slept next to Gregory a couple nights because I had missed you too."

Eric pulled his face out of my grasp and looked down at me.

"It was wrong of me to do that too and I understand that you'll be angry with me. But I get that you were lonely. I was lonely too. I just thought nothing was wrong with it because I wasn't romantically attracted to Gregory."

"You made me feel guilty about what I did, Ana," Eric bit back.

"I know," I closed my eyes knowing that this had to come out even though I didn't want it too.

"You told me that you never touched someone at Amity the same way you did with me."

"And I didn't."

"But you slept next to him," Eric shook his head and stood up. "Ana, no other girl has gotten into my bed."

"But they've gotten on your lips," I responded standing up as well.

"Did Gregory's hands slip on you too while you slept at night?"

"No," I looked at him with a disgusted look.

"Did you want his hands to touch you?"

"No," I replied back.

"You made this all about me and then there you were with..."

"I wasn't kissing him like you were kissing those other girls. You know what, wait," I put up a hand to stop him and myself. I looked down and tried to calm my breathing. "Eric I miss you," I said gently. "I miss being with you. We don't talk like we used to and," I shook my head. "I don't want to argue about this Eric. I just want us to get this all out and try to see if we can give it a second chance."

Eric let out a deep sigh. "When I saw your face on the communicator, I knew that I went too far," he shook his head. "That's why I'm here Ana. I want a second chance too."

"What do you want from me," I asked. "What can I do to make this better?"

"I want you there with me. I'm calm with your presence. I go through hell and back every day. You were right when you said that I'm not the same Eric. Initiation does something to you, especially in Dauntless. I guess that's why I'm still upset with you. Your father supported your decision to leave. Your family knew that you were leaving and yet you still didn't come. You never told me until later and I felt I wasn't given a choice in the matter."

"Your family wanted you in Dauntless."

"You see Ana," he chuckled. "If I knew you were staying I would have come here," he finished. "But the last time we talked, I remember the plan was that we were **both** going to go to Dauntless. And I think that still eats away at me. And that fear I had of you having that happy family life without me, it," he shook his head. "It does nothing but sow doubt in my mind. You're here and I'm there," he nodded off into the distance. "It would be easier for you to start a life with someone here."

"The same with you," I replied. "I'll meet you halfway," I stated. "If you need me there with you, I'll start finding a way to go into the City more often instead of you always coming here."

Eric nodded. "It's a start. What can I do now?"

"For starters, you can stop touching other girls. And I mean immediately, like right now," I said as Eric nodded.

"Okay," he replied leaning forward to kiss me.

I took a step back. "It doesn't mean that I'm ready to have you kiss me."

"What?"

"Eric, you said things that hurt me. You told me that you wished that you did have sex with another girl."

"That's not what I meant though..."

"But it's what you said. You also stated that you didn't care anymore."

"I was upset and..."

"Eric I get it but that doesn't mean that it still didn't hurt me," I added. "It just happened today and although I'm glad that we're talking about it, it stings because I can still picture you with that other girl."

"Now I'm picturing you with Gregory."

"See," I pointed to him. "I don't want this to be about revenge or getting back at one another. I want this to be real and if you really want it, then you'll show me that you only want me. I told you that I wanted to wait and that's my offer Eric. If you want this second chance, then we need to do things that way. You need to keep away from those girls and wait for me, only me," I clarified. "I will be there for you and only you but I want that in return."

Eric looked down and for a moment I thought that he was going to tell me to forget about it.

"I'll do it," he spoke up. Eric reached out and took my hand in his. "I'll show you how wrong it was to let you go and do what I did. I'll prove to you that I want only you. If you want faithfulness I'll give it to you Ana."

"And I'll reward it," I kissed his cheek. "But I really need to see it Eric. I hate what we did to each other but I really want this to work."

"Then I'll do it."

I nodded.

Eric pulled me into a hug and held me for a while before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my shoulder. "Gregory stays away from you," he whispered as I let out a small laugh.

"And you stay away from those girls," I lifted my head to look at him.

"No kissing," he stated with a smile.

"No kissing," I repeated turning my head to rest against him.

"From you also," he said as I felt him sigh.

"It's your punishment for hurting me."

"I'm sorry that I did."

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you."

"I'm sorry that I'm still upset with you about staying."

"I'm sorry that I never told you until it was too late."

"We'll get through this, Ana," he kissed the top of my head.

"You have to stop calling me Ana."

Eric pulled back to look at me. "I told you that I would and you liked it."

"You told me you would call me because we were defecting to another faction. I chose to stay, Eric. I think it goes without saying that I'm always going to be that Amity, JoyAnna that you met two years ago."

"You'll be my Amity," he said resting his forehead against mine and holding my hand in his. "You'll always be mine. Thank you for my second chance. I promise I won't disappoint you this time."


	25. Chapter 25

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

It was hard whenever Eric and I saw one another over the weeks that followed. And by hard I mean that it was difficult keeping to the rules that I had established. I realized that I was being a bit stubborn but I meant what I said about Eric hurting me with his words and actions. And yes my mother helped me to realize that I had spent a lot of physical time with Gregory but the truth is that I didn't want to quickly forgive Eric by letting him touch and kiss me again so quickly. If he really wanted me then he had to work for that.

What was difficult was that as much as I wanted to kiss Eric or let him kiss me, I still wasn't ready for that yet.

"Same time next week," Eric whispered dragging his lips down my neck as he held me close.

Since I had broken the glass, there was no way to fix it or replace it. I had to see my brother Jordan about that. But there was no real excuse for me to go to Erudite so I needed to wait until the next visiting day. Eric and I would make arrangements to see one another at the end of each meeting. It was the only time that we had to talk and be with one another. It really tested our resolve to stick to each other.

"Can you come to Amity?"

Eric looked at me thoughtful and then back at the loading dock where Dauntless was putting all their things onto their truck. I had been able to work out travelling to the Compound on a weekly basis with the shipment from Amity. In reality my mother had told Jack that it would be good for me to get out more. She was secretly helping me and Eric. I never thought that she would but she could see that our relationship brought me joy and that was something that she was all for, her daughter being happy.

"I'll come tonight," he whispered.

"So soon," I questioned. I honestly thought that we were setting something up for next week. I didn't think that when I had proposed the idea that he would jump on it.

"I don't want today to end just yet," Eric squeezed me to him one last time and then disappeared completely.

I turned my head to hear the Dauntless calling for the initiates to hurry up and get back to the training room. I took one last look at the hallway to see Eric glancing back at me before taking off. When climbing into the truck, Jack handed me the processing papers and I finished the numbers for him. I remember telling Eric that I didn't like statistics and that I would hate it when I went to Erudite. I couldn't believe that I was putting it to use in Amity.

"What does it look like this week," Jack asked.

"We're actually giving them more than we did last year around this same time," I flipped a couple papers over to look at another chart. "Their members did experience a slight increase so that could account for the containers being tripled. We would have to," I turned to look at Jack and then stopped talking. "I was doing it again, wasn't I?"

"Yes," Jack chuckled shaking his head. "It still surprises me that you didn't defect to Erudite with Jordan and Jonathan."

"Mother needed me," I shrugged.

"Which brings me to another topic," Jack said as we drove away. "Hannah and I are getting married..."

"In two months, I know," I replied.

Jack sighed. "Mother needs additional help in the house and..."

"I'm surprised that you know Mother needs help."

"JoyAnna," he warned.

"Forgive me," I looked away.

"I spoke it over with Hannah and we decided that the home needs a head and," he paused and let out a deep sigh. "Family decisions will be made by you." My head whipped back to him. "I am my own household now and need to focus on my family that I will start with Hannah. When I make my vows to her, it will be to her. I can still offer assistance when needed but I'll have you make the final decision for the family."

I let out a nervous breath and looked down into my lap. "I haven't finished initiation yet. I haven't even been in a courtship or secured a job or..."

"There's no reason to believe that you'll stay in the field where Father worked. Once in a while, I believe Johanna will call you to work out numbers and farming plans, that sort of thing," he nodded. "Unless you take child care but for the majority of initiation you have stayed in the field."

"I like being outdoor and working there helps me stay close to Papa. I feel him working alongside me in a way, encouraging me to keep at it," I admitted.

"As for the courtship thing, there were rumors that you were involved with Gregory Mitchell."

"I talked it over with Mother and there are no grounds for romantic relationship there," I answered.

"Will you ever think about courting?"

My mouth opened to tell him about Eric but I kept it shut. As he stated his concerns would be that of his wife and their new family. He would still offer assistance when needed. And right now I didn't need his assistance regarding my relationship.

"Not at the moment," I answered. "Mother and the boys are my priority, outside of initiation and working in the fields that is," I clarified.

"Exactly why I think that you should became head of the Summers household," Jack nodded. "You'll put the needs of the boys above your own and I think it will give you good training for when you do have a family of your own."

"Thank you Jack," I replied. "I know Mother was worried about the space in the house, what with the baby coming and the two of you moving back in."

"I took that into consideration too. I just wanted to protect everyone like Dad did but I didn't realize that I wasn't thinking about Mother or our new brother or your feelings as well. If we moved back in, Hannah was planning on having Serenity join us and I highly doubt that would work well with you," he smiled as I tried to hide mine.

"I'm getting along with her."

"I've noticed," he smiled again. "Still, I'm sorry that I put the added stress on all of you by wanting to move things around. It's still too soon after Father's passing, too," he added.

"I wish he was here," I whispered.

"I do too, JoyAnna. I'm starting a family soon and I need his advice more than ever," Jack admitted.

It was nice to finally be on the same page as Jack or for Jack to finally be on the same page as his family. He had to think about what was best for all of us not just him anymore. That was what a real family head did.

When I returned home to inform mother about Jack's decision in naming me head of the household for now she couldn't have been more delighted.

"The oldest son always takes care for the father in his stead," Jensen stated.

"Jack is starting his own family," mother reminded him. "Hannah would be the mistress of this home while I am still here. Despite us living in Amity that would have caused some distress on both of us, including any future little ones," she touched her stomach which was ready to pop at any moment.

"But why choose JoyAnna," questioned Joshua.

"Because when the time is right, JoyAnna will run her own home too."

That night Eric crept into my room just as he had done the last time and continued to look over at the communication glass pieces as I changed into a different gown that was warmer. This week was Eric's birthday, one of the reasons why I wanted him to come to Amity. I actually was hoping to plan this better but what we were about to do was just going to have to be enough for now. I took Eric's hand and led him out the back door.

We ran through the woods until we came to a spot where we could see our spot by the river. I turned to face him as I rest against a tree. Eric and I were both panting from our run and smiling at one another. Both of Eric's hands came up to rest on either side of my face as he leaned closer to me.

"Not yet, Eric," I mumbled as his lips was inches away from mine.

"When JoyAnna," he asked turning his head to nuzzle into my neck.

"When I say so," I replied trying not go weak at the knees at the moment.

Eric pushed back just enough for me to see the pained expression fall onto his face. "You still don't trust me," he whispered.

"It really hurt Eric. Not just seeing and knowing what you did but also you telling me the things that you did. I'm trying to forget about it. I really am," I shook my head. "I don't want to get hurt again."

"And I won't do that," he leaned his forehead against mine moving his hands down to wrap around my center. Our bodies were pressed up against each other tightly as he flushed my back harder up on the tree.

I knew that Eric wanted us to pick right back up where we left off but I couldn't do that just yet. It was still fresh in my mind. And though my mother had told me to make him work for it she also told me not to make him wait that long. If I really did plan on going through with this second chance then this meant that I had to move on from what happened and not hold it against him in the future. More often than it should though, his words of not caring and saying that he was through, still haunted me. In time I knew we would be past everything. And as for when that was, my mother told me that I would know when the time is right.

"Here," I pulled the small cloth out of my back pocket.

"What is this for," Eric took a step back but kept his hold on me.

"Your birthday," I answered. "I wanted to do more like put lights up around here," I motioned to our spot, "but you wanted to come to Amity tonight."

"I can't believe you remembered," he smiled taking it from my hand and opening the cloth slowly.

A small white fabric fell out and I looked away as he picked it up.

"Is this what I think it is," he asked.

I snatched it from his hand and balled it back up. Eric was able to take it away from my hold and continued to play with the white underwear between his fingers.

"That was another gift I planned on giving you," I said softly.

"What were we supposed to do with that," Eric teased.

I shook my head and continued to look away. Eric placed a hand under my chin to look up at him. Letting out a deep sigh I began to explain. "Amity use white for when they give themselves to that special someone. I know I'm making you wait but I wanted you to know that you would be that special someone."

"You're going to be that special someone too you know," he whispered and tried to lean in again.

"There's something else," I ducked my head away causing a sigh to leave Eric before he turned back to the cloth in his hand.

Eric chuckled when he pulled out the small book from the cloth and then kissed my cheek. "I actually got this for you," he reminded me.

"I've been writing in it ever since," I gulped and took the book opening it to the first page. "I started to write in it," I looked up at him, "after the choosing ceremony. I wrote in it almost every single day since then and I would really want you to read it. It has everything that I was going through, how I felt, my thoughts on you, on us," I finished softly.

"We'll get through this JoyAnna," he touched his forehead to mine. "I promise you we will."

We spent the rest of the night lying down in the grass by the riverside just holding onto one another. Eric promised that he would not only read but also write in the book about what he was going through and the next time we saw each other, I could read it. We had no communication glass or electronic device as Eric called it to talk to one another and Eric decided that this would be helpful for the both of us.

We set up a date when we would see each other again and just as Eric was about to leave, I pulled him back and gave him a quick kiss. Eric wrapped his hand around the back of my head but I pulled away before he could deepen the kiss. I took off and just before I was completely out of sight, I turned back around to see Eric staring at my retreating figure.

"I love you JoyAnna Summers," he shouted.

"And I love you Eric Coulter," I yelled back before running towards my house.

Jack kept his word and in the days that followed I began tailoring the house and how it would run exactly the same way that father would have did things. It brought some normalcy to the boys. Jensen stepped up a bit more as well. I think to see that I was doing things how Dad would, encouraged him. We did dinner the way we would if Dad was still alive and even kept his chair open. We decided that that would be where the baby could sit after it was born.

"Ooh," my mother rubbed her stomach and then took my hand in the middle of us washing dishes. "I'm telling you this one is going to be a handful," she smiled and then looked at me, "just like his sister."

I smiled and tapped my finger twice on my mom's stomach until I felt my brother kick at the same spot twice.

"You feel him?"

"I do," I answered. "Have you decided on a name?"

My mother shook her head and then moved a hand to my face causing me to look at her instead of her round tummy. "Have you," she asked.

I nodded.

"Well," she probed me for an answer.

"I would like to name him Jonah," I said as my mother smiled. "Jonah Summers Jr.," I added. "And if calling him Jonah makes the boys uncomfortable then we could call him J.J."

"Jonah," mother nodded and then looked back down to her stomach. "Would you like to talk to him?"

I let out a small tear and stared at my mother's stomach. "Hey buddy," I whispered. "This is your sister JoyAnna. I can't wait to meet you."

"Be careful with her," a voice said coming up from behind me. It was Jensen. "Our sister in a little on the wild side," he knelt down next to me. "But we love her that way. This is your brother Jensen. I'm pretty easy going."

"And this is James," he came running through the kitchen. "But everyone calls me Jimmy Bean because I'm small like a bean!" I caught him and sat him on my lap.

"As you can probably tell, we're a pretty loud bunch," Joshee said as he sat by Jensen. "Our father called us his pack of animals."

"Though you never will meet him, you'll meet us," I smiled as we sat in front of my mother. "We'll tell you all about him."

"We'll show you all the things that he showed us," added Jensen.

"It'll be as though he never left us," Joshee finished.

Jimmy bean stayed curled up in my arms but kept looking at mother's belly intently. Jensen wore his own smile as Joshua began to relate a story about something that our father had done. We sat there for a while continuing to listen to Jos as my mother wiped away a few tears. She'd be giving birth soon and all of us couldn't wait for our new family member to arrive. I guess what Josh had said was right all along. Father was with us, he was alive in all of us. Despite the fact that he wasn't physically here, he was there in our hearts. We would make sure that this new baby knew the same love that father had for all of us, he would have had for this baby too.


	26. Chapter 26

**I do not own Divergent. Credit goes to Veronica Roth.**

* * *

There were times that I continued to doubt Eric's feelings for me. He had kissed a couple other girls during our two month absence from one another and I couldn't stand it. It was wrong to bring it up again with him but this last time we left each other, I felt weird about him going back to Dauntless.

I was glad for the distraction I received with my family and all that was happening. Running a home or managing a household was harder than anticipated. My mother was going to give birth at any moment and all I could do was just be there for her. Things were different for handling my brothers and I was glad that Jack did not decide to bring Hannah here. He had his own family to think about soon enough. I had moved back home and was working on expanding my room. Amity initiation had been completed for several of us, even a few who had transferred here from another faction. Benjamin and Madeline had a small celebration dinner for a couple of us, well the ones who would be working with Benjamin in the fields.

Eric had appeared one day as I was working out in the fields. He wasn't alone though.

Technically he wasn't with the group either.

"Benjamin," nodded one of the Dauntless. Benjamin turned to him and greeted with a smile and a short handshake. I quickly turned away to avoid Eric's wandering eyes. I briefly hoped that he was looking for me. At the same time I didn't want to see him along with Phoebe and that other girl I had seen in the hallway with her arms wrapped around him. They were here as well.

"I'm assuming you all still have initiation?"

"Yes," the Dauntless guard replied to Benjamin. "We decided to try something new this year around. Initiates," the guy's voice shook. "I'm going to assume that none of you have been outside the Wall so take it in because this is where some of you will be working."

My heart leaped at the chance to see Eric out here every day.

"This is where the Amity farm their crops, our crops, the City's crops" he added with a tone of respect. "As much as you all may think less of the Amity, if it wasn't for them there would probably be no wool, no cotton, no food," he paused, "And no water. They work tirelessly to supply the City with such items. And they do that outside the City's Wall. Many people view working out on the Wall as degrading work. Out here, you protect workers like them," he said.

I could only imagine that this Dauntless guy was talking about us.

"That is why you need to be able to handle any situation bravely, courageously," another pause, "dauntlessly. That is how every single one of you can help this City to function, to balance. If you don't take initiation seriously then there is no place for you in this faction or in this City."

I could only imagine that if I had transferred there those would be the words that I would be hearing right now. I also knew that if Eric was listening to what his instructor was telling him then Eric would not be working out on the Wall. Knowing who his mother was and what they wanted him to do and how he had taken that loss from his first fight, I knew that Eric would strive for greatest in Dauntless. He wouldn't be working on the Wall just so that we could see one another every day. No, I shook my head slightly. He would be working at something important. And even though his instructor made working on the Wall, guarding Amity farmers sound important. I knew that there were bigger fish to fry out there for Eric.

It was then that I turned around and was met with my stormy sky eyes. I knew it was a silly Amity thought but I always thought about that when I looked at Eric. A small smile tugged at his lips and quickly it disappeared. Eric stood separately from the group and I briefly wondered why he was so distant from all of them.

Just as they were about to leave I felt a tug on my skirt and turned to look around. Eric was already a couple feet away and walking back towards the group. I patted my skirt until I felt a small object on the side. I pulled it out of my pocket. A smooth black rock was in my hand with a small inscription stating ' _I am her Erudite and she is my Amity_ '.

I found myself at the docks a couple days later. I had been given a small tablet and though it was nothing like I had seen in Erudite, it was the best form of technology that Amity had. I worked the numbers on there as quickly as I could before I set it back in the truck and took off down the hallway where I knew Eric would be waiting.

I had just rounded the corner when someone's arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back. I let out a small scream before a hand covered my mouth and I was pushed up against the wall. I don't know what compelled me to but I pulled back my free hand, formed a fist and let it go at my attacker.

"Ow, JoyAnna," the figure held his face and then took a step back.

I covered my mouth. "Eric," I gasped.

"Dammit you really have a punch there," he shook his head a bit and then continued to hold his hand to his nose.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was you. I didn't even think that..."

Eric chuckled. "It's fine really," he took a step closer and then pulled me to him. I noticed a little blood trickling down his nose and pushed him back. "I can't hug you now either?"

I didn't respond. I ripped a piece of the bottom of my skirt and held it against his nose. I remembered a few things from school and also from my mother when the boys would get hurt and she had to tend to them. I carefully made sure that Eric was okay before I pulled him into the hug that he had been waiting for.

"I liked your gift," I whispered running my fingers through his hair and down the base of his neck.

"I hoped you would. I read it in your journal," he kissed my neck and then pulled back holding the journal in hand. I blushed and looked down. "There were several people who referred to me as your Erudite. Apparently," he placed a soft hand under my chin so I would look up. "You also refer to me as having cloudy sky eyes."

"Don't laugh at me but I felt like I was looking at the sky when I first saw you. Then when we were in the library I noticed the slight grey-ish color they held and likened them to the clouds in the sky whenever you looked at me."

"You said those eyes didn't look the same when we talked on the communicator," Eric's smile disappeared.

"I couldn't see the clouds. I couldn't see the storm behind them," I ran a hand over his eyebrows.

"That's such an Amity thing to say," he smiled again causing me to blush. "That is why you're my Amity," he leaned in and gave me a small kiss. "I'm sorry again about your Dad. I read about your first week in Amity," he whispered with his lips just mere centimeters from my own. "I hated knowing that you found comfort in Gregory. But what I really hated the most was reading about how much you wanted to forget me."

"You tried to forget me too," I replied.

"I know," Eric pulled back and cupped my cheek. "I read almost everything about what happened, even during the day that you saw me with Elsa." So that was the girl's name, I thought. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you JoyAnna. I never meant to. If I could I would take all of it back, even the words that I said to you after. In fact, I wrote some things in here JoyAnna. Will you read it for me?"

"I will," I answered before resting my head against his chest.

Eric's arms stayed around my body clinging onto me as I buried myself into him. I don't know how long we stayed there only holding onto one another and saying nothing. I heard the delivery truck honk and knew that Jack was finished.

"I wish you could come back with me," my hand started to fist in Eric's shirt.

"I wish I could too," he whispered before pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I'll see you by the loading docks again?"

I nodded, "Twelve days from now, remember that."

Eric nodded, held me close for a while before tearing himself away and heading back towards the end of the tunnel.

When I had gotten back to the docks, Jack was still outside talking to one of the workers there. I headed over to the truck but not before catching the guard speaking about my father. He spoke about him as though he knew him. On the ride home Jack did not bring up the conversation with the guard rather he spoke about how things were going in the house and if I had settled on a routine with the boys.

"I changed a couple things but nothing major," I smiled letting him talk about this instead.

"I saw Jensen working out in the yard the other day," he hinted.

Ah, so that is what he wanted to talk about.

"Our water has been coming in slow from the pump," I stated. "I discovered that one of Jimmy Bean's shirts were stuff in there. Apparently he used it to stop the water so that he could fill up tub."

"What happened to the plug or if he wants to take a tub bath there is the wash bucket?"

"The plug is missing," I took a deep breath. "I think Jimmy was playing with that too," I smiled as Jack started to laugh. "And the wash bucket has a few holes in it." Jack stopped and looked over at me. "We're working on it," I assured him. "That's why Jensen was out in the yard. I wanted him to go through the pipes and see if something was clogged in there and that is where we found Jimmy's shirt."

"I'm guessing he didn't tell anyone either that his shirt got sucked down into the pipe," Jack chuckled.

"No he didn't," I shook my head at my brothers. "Hey Jack, what was that guard talking to you about Dad?"

Jack looked over at me and then back to the road. "It's nothing JoyAnna."

"Nothing," I questioned.

"JoyAnna," Jack sighed, "I would tell you but I think that Mom should be the one to let you know."

"Mom knows about this," I looked intently at Jack. "If I'm managing the household then..."

"Then Mom will let you know when she lets you know," Jack repeated again.

I dropped the subject with a huge sigh and turned to look outside the window. I hated that these trucks would drive at such a slow pace. I really wanted to get home now. The only problem was that when I got home Mother was resting and instead of bothering her, I decided to get the house ready for when the boys were finished with school.

By the time Mother woke up from her nap I was busy with the boys out in the yard. We were taking a small break when a group of Dauntless passed by. Among them were two girls who looked near my age. I grabbed a bucket and walked over to them.

"Good Afternoon to you," I smiled. "Would you like some water?"

They all looked at me with confused looks on their faces.

"I know that Dauntless works hard for us and I wanted to show my appreciation," I kept smiling.

One of the girls and two of the guys stopped but the rest kept walking. The girl was the first to drink and then the two boys. They were starting to throw some water at each other and although I wanted to scold them I hesitated when the girl came to stand directly in front of me. Her hair was light brown with dark red strands. It was the same dark red as the dress that Mom had made for me. She glanced over at me a couple times and I just continued to smile at her waiting for the boys to return the bucket.

"You're not scared of us," she stated more than asked.

"Is there a need to be," I questioned. "You all protect us."

"Yes but," she looked back at the two guys and then at me. "Normally people are intimidated when they come across Dauntless guards, especially young Amity girls," she eyed me out.

I shrugged and cast my eyes down. What was she expecting me to do, run away in horror?

"What are you doing here," she nodded behind me.

"Fixing my house's water pipe," I answered.

"You were out here in the yard," she asked in disbelief.

"Yes," I nodded with a smile.

It was then that one of the boys cursed and instead of flinching back, I climbed the fence to see if he was okay. The girl continued to stare at me in wonder.

"What's wrong," I asked kneeling down next to him.

"I uh," he shook his head as if refusing my help. Regardless of what growl left him, I continued to look at his hand noting that the cut was deep. He hissed and tried to pull it away but I refused and kept on cleaning it and then tied it with a cloth that the girl handed to me. "Thanks," he said withdrawing his hand quickly.

"You should make sure that your doctor ban..."

"I don't need to see a doctor," he yelled.

"Fine," I huffed, "then let it get infected. You won't be able to shoot or fight or do anything that you," I challenged.

"Look here you little Amity..."

"Now," I waved my hand to silence him and stared to stand. "You said your thanks and you can be on your way like a good Dauntless soldier."

He stood up and looked at me with a harsh gaze before turning back to his hand and then walking away.

"Taylor hates doctors," the other guy said. "That was sure brave of you to take him on like that."

"Brave and stupid," the girl added. "Don't go approaching every Dauntless you meet, okay," she told me which made my head snap up at her. "Not all of us are nice or will treat pretty Amity girls like you with respect."

I nodded while the other boy came back with the bucket. It only held a bit of water inside. He smirked before pulling away. I turned back to the girl to see her eyeing me out. She too left quickly.

It was not long until I came across the group again. The girl was the first one to greet me and I gave her a small wave. She and the two boys stopped by again for some water. I noticed the one who cut his hand didn't look at me. I asked her questions about the initiation process while the other two boys drank water which she was skeptical to answer but did either way.

"I heard about a place called the Chasm," I asked remembering that was the first thing I read about in the journal that Eric had continued to write. I hadn't really finished reading what he wrote since I had been writing stories of my own.

"It's a dangerous place but it's also beautiful," she smiled.

"Sounds exciting," I smiled too.

The girl eyed me out like she normally did before returning to tell her story. Over the next six days it had become a habit of hers to stop nearby our yard in the later afternoon, have a drink of water, a fruit and then engage in conversation with me. We had become close friends I would say despite me not knowing her name. I knew that we would ask one another eventually but we never did.

On the sixth day she told me that I would not be seeing her for two weeks.

"Why?"

"We work on a two week schedule. Two weeks guarding and then two weeks off," she said. "Before I went back in, I wanted to know if there was anything you wanted from Dauntless."

"That's a generous offer."

She hid a smile and then turned to the guys that were waiting for her. "I can tell that you're not like most Amity. You," she stopped and then looked at me. "You seem to be too curious and too reckless at the same time. It's almost as if you were made for Dauntless."

"Can I tell you a secret?"

She nodded.

"I know we're not supposed to talk about our aptitude test but..."

"You got Dauntless," she smiled. I nodded. I didn't want to tell her that I had got Erudite as well. "I can tell. Do you regret it?" I looked back at her. "Not choosing Dauntless, I mean," she asked.

"Sometimes," I answered.

"Did you stay because you heard about our initiation," she asked.

"No, that's not the reason why," I said. "But I did hear about initiation from a friend."

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't recall seeing an Amity in Dauntless."

"He's from Erudite."

"Even stranger," she let out a small laugh. "An Amity who is friends with an Erudite born initiate who transferred to Dauntless," she shook her head. Then she titled her head at me and then looked off into the distance. "You still see him, don't you?"

"I do, how did you..."

"Amity comes to deliver food to us every other week," she stated looking at me. "I'm sure you found a way to get onto that truck."

"I did."

"You should really be careful." I opened my mouth in response but she kept talking. "Dauntless initiation changes people. It could very well change your friend. The once charming person you thought you knew," she looked away and pulled some grass out with her fingers, "they'll change into someone else, someone meaner. I wouldn't want you to get your hopes up that your friend will always be the same."

She had given me a lot to think about that night. So that meant that initiation did do something to Eric. What it was, I was not sure. I did not read that part in the journal yet. I was just about to read it that night when I heard a noise in our backyard. I hurried to inspect it, watching from the back porch. Suddenly the Dauntless girl appeared and ran quickly towards me.

"What are you doing here," I asked her looking around.

"I really shouldn't be doing this but here," she took the bag that she had and gave it to me. "Take care of yourself, Amity. And remember what I said about your friend."

I wanted to reject her gift but that wouldn't be so kind. She looked uncertain at leaving but quickly gave me a hug and then left back into the dark. I took the bag straight up to my room.


End file.
